Tale of the Idiotic

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

A few months back, my company hired several sales people, including one very odd and overbearing weirdo from San Francisco. He spent a week in my office being those things (weird and overbearing) and freaking people out. I gave him his company-issued laptop like I did all the others. He finally left my office to head to our SF office. Oddly, he left his personal laptop behind. He called to ask me to ship it to him. I went to retrieve it and it was still logged in. A quick glance at it led me to believe it was a laptop that once belonged to some previous company he worked for. Not all that odd, so I really thought nothing of it.

So! About 6 weeks ago, someone thought it would be a good idea to FIRE this strange fellow, so they did. A high priority thing when firing people is the recovery of the company computer that was issued. On several occasions we've been able to get in touch with the elusive nut job, and each of those times he has promised to ship that laptop back to our Home Office. He even was given pre-paid FedEx packaging. All he had to do was put the computer IN the box and off it would go. But for some reason, he thought it would be a better idea to KEEP this computer.

So, for a computer, something he already HAS, that's valued at about $1500, this Retardo Montalban is looking to go to JAIL for theft. That is what it has come down to. So either this guy is just plain insane, or I am leaning towards the idea that when he first was told he was fired, he went out and got hammered, then flung the laptop in question off a bridge, and will soon wish he did NOT. Or maybe he WANTS to go to jail. He seemed the type of guy who would actually ENJOY it, if you know what I mean. 0_o

Imagine how boring life would be without the thrills and spills of the crazy going on around us.

(no subject)

[sdaemon.livejournal.com]

crossposted in my own LJ

a conversation between me and my dad, which makes me proud:

Me: I think I want to make a cable that has an RJ-45 ethernet plug at one end...and a 2-prong household 120VAC plug at the other.
Him: Why do you want to do that, hoping to blow up someones computer with 110 volts?
Me: I THINK IT WOULD BE A VERY HANDY TOOL!
Him: Tool for what?
Me: Determining who is smart enough to have a computer and who is not. Anyone smart enough would never plug it in.
Him: I thought that was where you were going with it... I guess you could also add a 12v cigar lighter plug and a serial port too! Might as well add a normal phone jack as well as a plug to TV hookup complete with rabbit ears. Make it a universal DS (dumb shit) TESTER.

I want a universal dumb shit tester!

Hey, It is not MY fault...

[laptop-mechanic.livejournal.com]

It's not MY fault that you were silly enough to stick a mini disc inside your MacBook's optical drive. It is also not my fault that Apple failed to allow for a proper ejection system for this type of disc for their slot loading optical drive, so now the disc is stuck in the machine. It is also not my fault that due to the way Apple designed the machine, the machine has to be taken apart, THEN the optical drive has to be taken out, and IT must be taken apart in order to extract said mini disc.

So no, we cannot fix this while you wait. We have machines that have been here longer than yours that will have to be serviced first.  So yes, you will have to leave your Precious with us if you want to get it fixed. Sorry.

It's Obvious You Know How To Use A Phone....

[bitchtude.livejournal.com]

I work for a company that has about 18 retail locations spread throughout 2 counties. Needless to say some of the stores are quite a distance away. This afternoon, one such store calls up in a panic because their POS printer won't print out receipts all of a sudden and "OMG we need it fixed NOW!" We walk through the standard stuff, turn it off, turn off the POS, turn everything back on. We remote in to make sure the POS software didn't freak out for some reason and drop the printer (which is does cause it's a POS of a POS). All that is okay. So now we have store manager lift up the printer to check the cables. "Oh wow this white cable just fell off." It's the USB cable so we tell him to plug it back in. Manager says something about sparks. We tell him okay, leave it be, someone will be leaving shortly to come and take a look at it.

So, I pack up all my stuff, drive almost an hour in city traffic to get to the place, walk in the door, and tell the cashier I'm there to fix their printer. She gives me an odd look and calls the manager up. As the manager is walking up I point to the POS not being used and say "So that's the printer that's causing the problem?"

"Oh no. It's that one," points to the one being used. "But I got it fixed already."

I grit my teeth. "Excuse me??"

"Oh yeah she's been ringing up on it for awhile now."

More teeth gritting. "Okay. Have a nice day." And I walk out the door. This manager knows where the main IT office is located but apparently his phones only work to call us when he has a problem not to tell us the problem's been resolved. So I wasted 2 1/2 hours of my day & several gallons of gas for nothing. Thanks a lot, asswipe.

(no subject)

[mynameisnotreal.livejournal.com]

"Good Afternoon, this is BuggStompers!"
"Hi Simon, it's $customername."
(Oh god, not you, you short-bus riding pain in my ass)
"Hello $customername, how can I help you?"
"Well, I keep getting this pop up whenever I turn on the computer. It's really bugging me. I want it gone."
(shivers)
"Okay, tell me what it looks like."
*user reads off, verbatim, the entire window of the registration screen from AVG Anti Virus, even when I tell him, several times, that I know what it is now*
I tell him that the trial period is up and he needs to register it now, just like I told him when I installed it for him 59 days ago. I also tell him that no, I won't get rid of the program as that is his anti virus. Virus bad. No turn off scanner.
"I did!" he says "several times! I clicked on the box and nothing happens."
"Okay... What did the email say that you got the authorization code from?"
"There is an email? Where would that be?"
Oh god...

I'm sure you've all had these yobs before. You know the drill.

Some highlights though:

"Click on 'file' and open a new window. It will be blank."
"No! It's not blank! It's full of words!
"Huh?"
"It's full of words! You said it would be blank! It says 'You've opened a new tab, with tabs you can'..."
*interrupting* "Yeah, I get the idea. Okay. Now go to the site where you get your email."
"What!? How do I do that!?"
"In the address bar, enter the address of your site."
"You mean put my email address in this line?"
*exasperated*
"No... The. Name. Of the. Website. You. Get. Your. Email. FROM."
"So, I put my email address in that bar?"
*my lunch pays for his crimes* *smashy sandwich, smashy*

Some people should be banned from using computers.