Tech Support HELL

Dear Luser Who Sounds Like He's On The Verge Of Either Weeping Or Exploding With Rage,

I'm sorry, but you did NOT ring half an hour ago and log a call.  I know this because the person you originally claimed you spoke to does not exist.  The person you then claimed you had actually spoken to tells me he did not take a call from you.  What actually happened is that you rang everyone on the Helldesk on their DIRECT LINES and left them imploring voicemails, before calling the actual Helldesk number half an hour later and coming to me.  I'm sorry that you've been waiting half an hour 'for someone to come and fix this urgent problem' but if we don't know about it, we can't fix it.  Furthermore, don't tell me that a call has 'definitely been logged' when it hasn't.  When I ask for a reference number and don't get one, I know you're fibbing.

Furthermore, do NOT lie to me about the problem when you know full well what is actually going on.  If you forgot to tell us in advance that someone was coming to work in the office and would need a network connection for her laptop, and realise only ten minutes before they're due to do some Urgent Work, do NOT call us claiming that "it's just a password that needs resetting".  This will not achieve ANYTHING apart from me having to erase and rewrite the entire call log when I realise what's actually going on here, i.e. your own incompetence.  A password reset is NOTHING to do with needing to plug a computer into the network.  Nothing at all.  I know you know this because about five minutes into the conversation you suddenly said that you knew what actually needed to be done was that a network connection should be provided.

Finally, please don't be so rude to me.  Again, it's not my fault that you didn't actually log a call.  Sighing and emphasising how important this is, and how you've apparently been sat by the phone for half an hour waiting for us to fix something that we didn't know about, isn't going to make me help you when it's accompanied by tutting and the implied opinion that we're a bunch of lazy twits.

I hate you,

Red_Scully