Poor planning on your part...

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

Just because you have an inability to follow explicit directions causing your operating system to fail when trying to solve an issue with our third party hardware does not mean we have to fix it, off to your OEM with you, and no I don't care that they will charge you $99 for out of warranty support. Nor do I care that your son does purchasing for some unnamed big company that spends millions of dollars a year on our products and you will instruct him to not purchase anything from us again. Arguing with me for an hour about this issue will only cause your issue to remain unfixed for another hour.

Web Developers...

[diseased-idiot.livejournal.com]

I had an email from a director at a company I do some part time work for.

He noticed that if he used his e-commerce site in "secure mode" (https) the browser pops up a box saying this site has both secure and nonsecure items. Do you want to display the nonsecure items as well. He was quite rightly disturbed and annoyed about this.

The email went to me (The sysadmin) and The Web Developer.

I was the only one to reply. I merely stated that some logos down the left hand side were tagged only with http img tags and a simple update of those to https (or even just use relative paths, to be right) should fix it.

I then get this from the Web developer (he copied in the director)

"Okay, thanks for clearing that up.

In an attempt to edit those image links I’ve managed to lose the site menu entirely, so I’m going to have re-write the site from a backup (thus losing 6 days’ work)!

:("

I wouldn't mind, but he's not doing any actual developing. It's all done from a program with many wizards and "Image located here, thanks" type buttons. I doubt he's had to type a single piece of HTML or perl (the silly thing uses much perl). He's been trying to make this site for almost a year.

*headdesk, considers murder by shovel*

Look what you made me do...

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

This happened years ago when I worked for an ISP.

Your warranty does not cover intentional damage, no matter how frustrated you were. And no the tech did not make you take the modem swing it around your head by the ethernet cable and smash it into the wall. You were having a software issue and now you're having a self inflicted hardware issue. You will have to pay our highly inflated replacement cost for said modem as you chose to rent it rather then purchase one of your own. We will not be repairing the dent in your drywall either, and no we don't care what paper you will write to, but I'm sure they will be entertained by your story too.

You are not a special snowflake.

[laptop-mechanic.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that you accidentally spilled a glass of something on your brand new VAIO, $user. While it's good that you brought it straight here, its very bad that the machine was ON when the spill happened, and that you immediately tried to power the unit back on to make sure it was okay.. which of course it wasn't. Yes, I'm fully aware that you're a law student here at $university. Whats that? You have the accidental damage coverage from Sony? Well, thats good. No, you machine will most certainly not be ready by morning. We have to evaluate the damage, determine what parts need to be replaced, then get authorization from the 3rd party insurance company that runs Sony's extended warranty coverage program. No, there is nothing I can do to speed that up. We will get it turned around as quickly as we can, but if the damage is bad enough, the insurance company may total it, which means it will take some time to get a replacement.

meep.

[celyste.livejournal.com]

Oh my head hurts... what is it about the holiday season that brings out the 'best' calls?

No ma'am... hooking your modem to your cable outlet with A String will not work.

I'm sorry sir... please call Dell and have them help you to get your computer out of the box. We at OurISP really aren't paid enough for that.

Your printer isn't working? Please hang up and try your call again. Let us know when your internet goes down instead.

No sir... we are OurISP... not ThatISP or VirusISP. I really can't tell you what their mail settings are. What do you mean that you're "not hanging up until I help you"? You're not our customer... what makes you think I don't own a release button on my phone? Oh I'm tired of arguing... here's ThatISPs help site... see where it says mail settings? Have fun.

Ma'am... I understand that your pc light on the modem is out. That's because your computer is off. Yes, I know you can't turn it on. Call the computer people and hope you have a warrantee.

and finally... from our tv group... an Eleven year old emailed in demanding that we put Hannah Montana back on. The channel had moved packages and her parents no longer got it. Sorry little girl... but all the cookie analogies in the world are not going to make us break FCC requirements. I understand that we are sinners and God is hanging his head in shame when he looks at us and that we are horrible greedy people... but kid... you're 11! You should not need to say things such as "Hannah Montana is my life!" Go outside and play for a while. It's fun!

WHAT THE HELL?!

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

Ok. Our customers are completely nuts.  THIS GUY SENT THE ENTIRE COPY OF THE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS IN HIS REPLY! WTF. I don't know what to make of this.

ebtb, I know that this is not supposed to be done but I write a lot of history, just things that I remember and I thought that you might enjoy reading something like this instead of the mundane that you do.  I'll just send one more.  Enjoy!

Four score and seven years ago...

I give up.

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

I can't take anymore douchebaggery today. BEHOLD:

I have a Trojan Horse named Zlob in my system....I know this because it keeps telling me so....

I then looked around for some anti virus that would kill it...

Yours seemed to be best....though please don't ask why I thought so.

Went to your place and down loaded it....If it wipes Zlob out I would gladly pay for it.....

 

You people really need a programmer that understands how people think.....I used to write code many years ago, but no way is this an offer.....I AM very happily retired thank you...Just wanted my credentials known

 

If some one could tell me how to get Zlob.....I would be very happy  (again)

 

Ohh yes my wife just reminded me,,,,Somehow I got finagled into down loading a Registry Cleaner.....Please advise those folks they will not be receiving any cash.......If your system finds and removes Zlob can expect $20 but no thank yous

That was in haste

Three words: GO. FUCK. YOURSELF.