meep.

[celyste.livejournal.com]

Oh my head hurts... what is it about the holiday season that brings out the 'best' calls?

No ma'am... hooking your modem to your cable outlet with A String will not work.

I'm sorry sir... please call Dell and have them help you to get your computer out of the box. We at OurISP really aren't paid enough for that.

Your printer isn't working? Please hang up and try your call again. Let us know when your internet goes down instead.

No sir... we are OurISP... not ThatISP or VirusISP. I really can't tell you what their mail settings are. What do you mean that you're "not hanging up until I help you"? You're not our customer... what makes you think I don't own a release button on my phone? Oh I'm tired of arguing... here's ThatISPs help site... see where it says mail settings? Have fun.

Ma'am... I understand that your pc light on the modem is out. That's because your computer is off. Yes, I know you can't turn it on. Call the computer people and hope you have a warrantee.

and finally... from our tv group... an Eleven year old emailed in demanding that we put Hannah Montana back on. The channel had moved packages and her parents no longer got it. Sorry little girl... but all the cookie analogies in the world are not going to make us break FCC requirements. I understand that we are sinners and God is hanging his head in shame when he looks at us and that we are horrible greedy people... but kid... you're 11! You should not need to say things such as "Hannah Montana is my life!" Go outside and play for a while. It's fun!

Comments

[outcastspice.livejournal.com]

... a STRING?

[celyste.livejournal.com]

yup. Nearly died on that one. I'd thought I'd heard it all up to that point... and then I realized - there is still more stupid out there!

[canray.livejournal.com]

I've seen people try it with a wire coat hanger.

Inigo Lolcat?

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

Dell techs aren't paid enough to help people take their computer out of the box either ;)

I love not having a handle time, the people that argue with you to support unsupported (3rd party stuff) just waste their time and don't harm your stats much. "Yes sir I have all day, we can sit on the phone and argue about how I'm not going to help you or you can call the people that support that junk".

[celyste.livejournal.com]

I really don't think anyone is... but there's no way 10$ a hour (starting) does the trick *L*

How does your company survive without a handle time? Seriously... I'm really curious cause I'd love to bring that to our place.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

first call resolution. It's not as good as it sounds. specially when you get a 3 hour call 20 min from end of shift.

[canray.livejournal.com]

And doesn't work, either.

The part that pissed me off is that I was denied a few "Perfect Scores" on the grounds that the person was pissed off totally, and couldn't be saved.

Honestly, there's no way I can make the guy happy that the Cable Install Tech came in, ripped up all the carpets, kicked the dog, and peed in all corners of the house.

Got a "Just Passed" score on what the Supervisor said would have been a perfect score on any other issue.

[celyste.livejournal.com]

We use a balance of handle time, first call res, call tracking, and "quality" (which depends on how the auditors are feeling that day. We have a 2 min hold allowance - after that must return to the customer and beg them to keep holding. Been seeing a lot of 2 min 20 second coaches come through. Grr)

[canray.livejournal.com]

"Yew gotta turns da Cable back on! Whas muh Chillin' gonna dew?"

"I don't know. Go outside and play? No? You're in New York. OK, bad idea. OH! There's BOOKS!"

[celyste.livejournal.com]

The one I've never quite figured out is how the childrin are gonna freeze ta death if we don't turn the cable back on again.

[canray.livejournal.com]

Actually, this was more of a case that I was an evil, bad man, because if I didn't turn the Cable back on, the Kids would get bored, go out, join a street gang, and get shot by the Cops.