The theme today......

[patgund.livejournal.com]

SInce the theme seems to be "scary pr0n found on lusers computers", may I ofter this tidbit from my days working at a Medical School in the Middle East.......

IT in the Middle East is an interesting experience. The pay is good, the rest of it can blow dead penguins. Thankfully, high speed connections are very common for home use where I was at, just needed Secure Tunnel to SSH under the censorship.

Now the school was 85% Macintosh OS X, 10% other Unix, and 5% Windows. Most people didn't have a problem with this. However, we would get the occasional student or faculty member who would throw a hissy fit.

Like one new faculty memember. M.D., Ph.D., very smart, and thought his two doctorates meant he ALSO knew IT as well. And threw a fit when he found out we were Mac / Unix based. Went on constant tirades about how we were using "obsolete crap" and we should be using "modern Windows-based servers and clients." Bitched loudly enough that he got one of our few PC's to shut him up. (This was thanks to an temp CIO who routinely bent over for the staff than back up the IT department or spend money on anything, which meant our jobs were harder than they needed to be and morale sucked)

Well, we get a call to go fix his machine. And find that:

1) He disabled the anti-virus software because it "slowed down his machine"
2) Same for the anti-spyware software.
3) He had installed two extra hard drives.....
4) .....which were filled with pirated movies, music, games, and.....
5) .....porn. Lots and lots and lots of porn. Huge amounts of porn. Huge amounts of porn that were not only a big no-no in the school's IT policy, but were ALSO a big no-no in an Islamic country.

The kicker to all this??

He taught medical ethics........

Story Time!

[ladynisa.livejournal.com]

Ok, time for sharing! Since we're on a porn kick today, I've got a funny one from a little while back.

I was working in a depressing cube farm when I get a phone call from my mom on my cell phone. My mother is conservative christian and it took me and my step-dad 5 years to convince to use something other than AOL *shudder* and she really only uses the internet for surfing ebay and looking up antiques. So, she calls me in near tears, frantically whispering "I need your help! I need you to get this off! It needs to be off the computer RIGHT NOW!" I spent the next 10 minutes trying to get out of her exactly what was going until she finally admitted... it was lesbian bondage porn. Which of course was barely whispered, because I hail from a family where 'bad' words aren't said at full volume. In her defense, she frantically starts repeating "I didn't click on ANYTHING! It just POPPED up!" So after work, I head over to her place, and sure enough... there it was. O.o Turns out my step-dad had discovered Kazaa *facepalm* and left the pc on and downloading for two days. I cleaned the pc up, calmed my mom down, and my step-dad didn't get a homemade dinner for a week, lol. I however, received a large container of homemade spaghetti sauce. :D

How do you know it's mine?

[no-smorking.livejournal.com]

Well, with all the porn stories, I decided I needed to share this one.

I work for a major non-profit organization that is in the healthcare sector.  We have a pool of 15 "loaner" laptops that users can check out.  We don't always have time to boot them up and check them out every time they are returned - it's all we can do to make sure all the physical parts are there.

Well, one time the girl who used to be IT's Admin Assistant returned a loaner laptop and said she had been having trouble getting it to boot.

When we checked it out, we found that some critical files had been deleted.  Well, we hooked up the hard drive to another PC to see if we could repair it.

What we found was.... porn.  Lots of it.  We're obligated to contact HR when we see it - not the user, not the user's manager - HR.  Needless to say, that user was let go the next day.

So, given that we don't always have time to boot up each laptop when it's returned... how did we know it was hers, and not the person who had it before her?

Simple.  She was *in* all of it.

This seems Appropriate today

[valiskeogh.livejournal.com]

SOMETHING in today's theme reminded me of this... i'm sure a lot of you have seen it before :)

Watch on YouTube

"Kevin Rose and Martin Sargeant on The Screen Savers (R.I.P) when an "unfortunate" pop up appears live. "

Valis

Okay fine; in keeping with today's theme, and then some...

[toxico.livejournal.com]

Recently (as in last week) we were sent one of the company's laptops for repair. The Suit using it claims he "dropped a curio cabinet on it."

A fucking CURIO CABINET. Never mind that dropping this on a Dell laptop only spider-cracked the LCD.

During a lunchtime discussion with my fellow techs, one of them says in a jovial manner, "I don't care; if you are male and own a goddamn curio cabinet you are gay." I'm not much for furthering such stereotypes personally, but it quickly became a more relevant comment...

Standard procedure is to check the drives of anything sent in for malware, "unapproved" applications and anything else that generally doesn't belong. What was found was a boatload of PENIS. There was a hefty amount of naked men posing, getting it on, inserting foreign objects, you name it.

On a not-so-extreme level, I guess it's probably something a tech would expect to find at some point. What brought the lolz upon us was the index.dat on the machine: the guy made daily visits to eBay's adult section and won several auctions therein, including one for a "see-thru banana hammock" and several for amateur gay porn.

The worst part of all this is that he was almost allowed to only receive a written warning. Strangely enough, the HR rep's husband convinced her to proceed otherwise. O.o Oh, and the Suit's wife was less than pleased.

Also of note is the machine a few months ago that contained no small amount of scat porn, but there's no real backstory there.

( Mentally challenged material from this morning, not pertaining to the dangly-bit theme, if you feel like continuing )

In keeping with today's theme...

[azzy23.livejournal.com]

I used to work as an onsite admin at this one place. Pretty sweet job, zero stress, and a hilarious co-admin.

The owner's son needed more space cleared up on his shared drive. I connected, and saw a metric crappetonne of avi files. We tape a lot of meetings, so I needed to find out which ones were those meetings (and not delete them). On about the third avi, I discovered... well... German Sheise porn. I still had to watch every other video so I could know what to delete. I was later life-scarred by 2 additional files. Another one with... uh... sexual chocolate, and a final one which disturbs me to this day, and I shall refrain from describing here. I deleted them all. I saw the guy later, and he knew what I'd deleted, and that I'd had to watch it. He smiled this really nasty smile and thanked me for helping him with his problem. *shudder*

Some people are just cursed with bad male behavior.

[ravenshrinkery.livejournal.com]

Since it's a day for sharing bad porn stories, I'll chime in.

I trained this one lady on my last helldesk and did her first tethering sessions. It would just be her luck that she got one of the funniest, but most pathetic calls I think I ever heard in the business. Our desk did three big things - we got rid of spyware, viruses, and porn since warranty support didn't cover it. This was a very young sounding male, probably just barely of legal age. If this wasn't over a year and a half ago I'd give a play by play of this, but he is stuttering throughout this call. Apparently, he had "seen the light" and it was time for him to repent. His sinful ways had led him into temptation, and oh boy, it meant a lot of temptation. He had a lot of porn. This was my poor newbie rep's very first phone call. I am doing my very very best to hold back my laughing tears at what she's being put through in hearing this while she's almost in tears.

He wanted it all gone. He couldn't take it any longer. The love of Jesus was in his heart now. This went on and on to the point where trying to actually help him would have been a challenge for anyone. To make this worse he's sobbing into the phone too. This goes on for so long that while call times aren't tracked for new reps they were checking on this anyway and words defied the spectacle going on. The managers were monitoring this remotely because they couldn't believe their eyes. Ultimately we reformatted this machine because it guaranteed the result he wanted.

Several months later this same rep (a mother in her mid 30s) stumbled across a coworker who just couldn't wait to take care of his business. For that matter, he couldn't even take it to the bathroom. She caught him jerking off at his cube (this is a typical call center cube farm) with porn up on his screen. She was still working there when I left. I have no idea why she didn't move on.

old tales...

[celyste.livejournal.com]

I almost feel a bit deprived with all the good porn stories happening today. I mean sure, I've taken the heavy breather calls, the calls where you have the squishy noises, the calls where you're promised a steak dinner if you stop by after work (thank God we're outsourced) but then, haven't we all?

I think the best call I've had that sorta fits the theme happened not long after I started at ISP support. And it was from a little old lady (think great gramma's voice). She had called in previously to have something or other fixed that was keeping her from getting online. Turned out it was a router firewall that was doing it - so we had to refer to the router company. The rep gave her the phone number and everyone signed off all hunky dory. Except when she called back in about 10 minutes later and got me, and asked me to give her the number again. She figured she must have wrote it down wrong... cause "You just wouldn't blieve, dear, what those girls will do for 3.99 a minute!"

As a side story, on another call I took, I was asking the caller what version on windows he was using. I heard "Splash! Flush!" and took a guess on the version since the caller was a bit preoccupied. I was right! It was WinME!

Someone, Think of the Children!

[nem0.livejournal.com]

Joining the theme day festivities...

I used to work in a university computer help center. One of our services was taking in customer computers and fixing any issues, installing virus and malware scanners, and running software updates. We had a bench that ran along two walls with several monitors and KVMs so we could work on about a dozen machines at the same time. Problem was, all those monitors faced the lobby space and entrance.

One afternoon, I was swamping out a couple of PCs when a grad student and her child (couldn't have been more than 3 years old) came in to ask a question. I had my back to the bench while we chatted. After a few minutes, the kid went wide-eyed, pointed emphatically at the bench, and shouted, "NAKED PEOPLE!" Sure enough, one of the users had put all his porn JPGs in his My Documents folder and set his screen saver on the random photo option with a delay of 5 minutes.

Shop policy now is to either disable any screensavers or make sure to kill the monitors before leaving the computers unattended.

Typing this up reminded me of a similar story from my own childhood. When I was 3, my family lived about 15 miles out of town on a mountainside, so we had one of those huge satellite dishes in our back yard for TV reception. Some of our relatives were visiting, and my dad thought it would be hilarious to show off the unscrambled porn channels the dish could pick up. The next day, we went on a road trip. Apparently, one of the windows wasn't locked tightly enough, and the house got robbed. They took everything of vaule, including the remote to the satellite dish. We had a spare TV that they didn't snatch, but on hooking it up, Mom discovered that it was still set to the porn channel. And the way the dish was set up, the only way to change the channels was with the (now missing) remote. All I remember is not being able to watch Sesame Street for a week while we waited for the satellite tech to come out and move the dish to a more, uh, appropriate channel.

More porn@work stories

[captpackrat.livejournal.com]

Since porn seems to be the theme today, I thought I'd share a couple stories.

Ages ago when I was working at Computer Renaissance, I had a customer who'd bought a new laptop and asked me to transfer the data from his old one.  No problem,  I just hooked up a Zip drive to his old machine and started copying files.

I noticed as the file names flashed past, there were a lot of JPEGs, many with teensomething in the filename.

I hooked up the Zip drive to his new machine, copied the files over, and sent the customer on his way.  I didn't mention the fact that I still had a copy of his data on the Zip disk.

After he left, I plugged it into another machine, and checked it out. There was porn, alright, but it was all boring softcore nudes.  I felt a bit annoyed that I'd spent all that time copying over porn, and it wasn't even all that interesting.



At my most recent job, I had a coworker complain that his machine was running slower than usual (it was a Delleron to begin with).  I checked it over, and sure enough, it was loaded with pop-ups.  I checked his browser history, and it was full of bestiality sites.  O... K...   Gave me a new perspective on the guy.

(no subject)

[toxico.livejournal.com]

I'd like to take a minute just sit right there; I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air to thank ebtb for inspiring today's theme. I move that we do this occasionally. What say ye, moderator/s?

+1.

(no subject)

[ghostdandp.livejournal.com]

I feel left out by the amount of porn conversation going on. Not that I don't see porn on a regular basis, I actually see it so frequently it's not even odd.

The company I worked for (still work for 2 hours actually. starting a new job monday) does residential and commercial on site support. The sheer amount of porn I've seen in residential environments is astounding.

The only awkwardness is when it's homemade porn. Nothing like having a house wife sitting next to you and doing a file recovery when up pops a picture of said house wife in a compromising position. Ya know that sound of crickets they play on tv when awkward things happen and everyone's quiet? They must have gotten that sound from one of my discoveries, cause I swear I hear that in the background.

I've also been privy to gay porn in front of a father of 2, transexual porn in front of someone's girlfriend, and porn that the mother was absolutely sure was coming in from her husband and was pissed at them until I noticed it was in the profile dedicated to her children (daughters actually!)

(no subject)

[inahandbasket]

Ok, I thought I had nothing for today's theme, but I just remembered one from like 5 years ago.
(And I love the theme day thing, we should do this on fridays or something.)

Working at a large company, ~50,000 employees worldwide, my team supported one of the larger divisions, so like 12k end users, we took the calls and fixed 'em, if we needed hands-on we'd send it to the deskside team, but if it was software they'd always send it right back. We did a lot of netmeeting into machines to poke around, fix things, show people where the start button was, etc.

Co-worker of mine gets a call from some guy, unable to view videos on his machine. This is a fairly normal call, we have a lot of corporate training videos, and due to the nature of our division there were a lot of valid reasons for media on the desktop.
Co-worker fires up a netmeeting to take a look, tweaks a few settings in Media player, and hits play. Sure 'nuf, some nice hardcore porn. End-user quickly says "Great, thanks! I've got it from here!" and hangs up.

Needless to say he didn't last the day, corporate policy. ^_^

(I just love the ballsiness of calling the helpdesk because you can't view your porn, and not even bothering to hide it.)

Themes are good

[anivair.livejournal.com]

OK, I can't pass this theme up.

A w hile ago someone broke into our office. It sucked. So for a few months after that (till all the security was in place and tested) we hired cops to sit all night and watch the place.

And in the morning, I woul check their internet useage for the night.

Most of it was dull. Car parts, cop stuff, movies, blogs, and the occasional piece of pr0n. Whatever. They were all alone all night, so what we were we expecting, right?

Except one of them. One of them had this track.

3 House of porm from one AM till four AM. Three hours of rotting corpses. ALSO from one AM to four AM.

Yes. he had two windoes going. One with normal porn and the other with dead bodies and rotting corpses.

That guy? Not so much "with" the force anymore.

Eww.

One of our own

[duality.livejournal.com]

Years ago, I was a manager for a computer lab at a university. We had four labs in our section of the uni, and each had their own little unique layout. The 24 hour one was in the basement of a women's dorm. Because it had it's own entrance both men and women were allowed to work there and use the lab there. The graveyard shift there was from midnight to 6am, but after about 4am there would be no one in the lab usually but the lab assistant. The desk for the assistants had this really high counter surrounding it except for a little opening on the left, which was mostly blocked from view by a filing cabinet nearby. One of our more shady workers (who we found out later would follow some of our prettier patrons through the 'women only' doors into the actual dorm part) used to work those hours.

One day, I had to come in to cover for someone else who couldn't show up. Because of this, there was a little bit of time between the graveyard guy locking the lab up and me opening everything back up. While I'm straighting everything up at the assistant desk I notice something that my brain immediately pegged as Should Not Be There. Three inch long, curly hairs littered the keyboard. This guy had straight hair on the -top- of his head.

I sat somewhere else until we got another keyboard.

Alas...

[jecook]

I have no porn stories to share.

But I was responsible for getting one people at my last place of employment fired for non-appropriate use of company-owned equipment. The place had zero filtering at that time, and this was a machine that was at the only site that had high speed 'net access. This person was looking at some... interesting web sites, according to the history. (Don't ask which, because I don't remember.) The machine was a low memory, small hard drive system so the page was not fully cached, but it *was* in the history index.. ::smirk:: Between that and some epic length phone calls (according to the supervisor), she was canned shortly after I finished my investigation.

A friend of mine is the lead tech at a local computer shop, and I know he's got stories along this line (including one customer who has 'personal space issues', and IIRC they found a bunch of porn on his system when they worked on it.).

Edit:: Oh wait. I interviewed to work for an adult hosting company once. I think we mutually agreed that I was not going to get the job. (I didn't have the skillset, and I was more naive back then.)

Can you still call it cruelty if the animal gets off?

[coyoteden.livejournal.com]

Here's a short one:

Back when I used to repair laptops, we had one on the bench with a rather unique movie on it.

A horse riding a woman. Right there, on the desktop.

This machine belonged to a doctor. When we handed it back to him, the first thing he did to check it over was play that movie. Didn't even ask if we wanted to see something special.

Apparently he kept it around 'cause it amused all his other doctor buddies.

(no subject)

[compwizrd.livejournal.com]

Back in the late 90's, one of our sales reps had a porn addiction, and he used to save pictures on his workstation. We were still on ISDN for about 100 people, so the heavy downloading was quickly noticed by me. Management didn't want to do anything about it, so I took to routinely deleting his porn after he downloaded it.

All was well until I noticed he was still looking at porn all day long, but wasn't saving it on his computer anymore.

Then I noticed the sales manager had a hard drive full of porn. The sales rep decided to start saving his porn on other people's machines...

I had one of our accounting staff ask me just what the hell I was doing looking at porn at work, when I was VNC'd to the sales rep's machine...

Fortunately the sales rep quit a few weeks later, someone offered him a significant pay increase from what we paid.

(no subject)

[kitschicat.livejournal.com]

I worked for an automotive supplier here in Detroit and during my time there had a few funny situations with porn. Here's a couple:

1) We had an R&D lab in Nevada at which several high-ranking scientists worked. It was discovered that one of them was responsible for hosting a pay site for porn on one of our servers. He was disciplined and the site was shut down, but he was not fired due to his intellectual value - they didn't want him going to a competitor.

2) There was an engineer in his 50's at the site where I worked who was downloading porn ALL.DAY.LONG. He was offered both friendly and firm warnings on several occasions, but persevered regardless of these. He was formally written up and warned he would lose his job. He kept on doing it. He was fired. A few months later, someone saw him working behind the counter of the photo processing center at a Meijer's, and tried saying hello. He tried to hide his name badge and denied who he was out of shame. I guess he ran into trouble finding another engineering job. Or maybe he could feed his addiction in the photo lab?

3) I managed a remote site that housed our test labs and we did run the Elron Internet Manager at all of our divisions sites. Our manager wanted to make sure that we eliminated false positives so they weren't blocking legit sites, and would have my counterpart at the main site and I sort of reconcile the logs at the end of every month. This meant getting on the phone with each other, running through the logs, and visiting sites that seemed by their names to be potentially legitimate, which we left open to a very generous interpretation. "Pornado.com? I dunno, could be weather related. We'd better go check it out!" HAHA. Good times.

So those are my porn tech support stories. Not as good as many of them.

My ex-husband had a particularly fun one in which a very bitchy user complained that her IE was not working properly but refused to let him on her system until she left for the day. In checking her browsing history, he saw a questionable URL, which he of course went to investigate. Not only was it a porn site, she had uploaded something to it. Not only had she uploaded photos, but they were OF HERSELF. She was not attractive. Not only was she nekkid, she was giving some dude a BJ'er. Not only that, but from the walls and furniture, he realized those photos were taken IN THE OFFICE. The final kicker? It was some gross guy from the office's schwanse in the photos. Needless to say, there were some pink slips issued the next day. I don't think my ex has ever recovered from those images, though.

(no subject)

[dkphoenix.livejournal.com]

I love these theme day stories. Here's a couple from back in the day when we used stone tablets to track calls.

Doing support for a browser company that was pretty much the only game around at the time, and was later involved in anti-trust litigation before being gobbled up AOL... you know who I mean... we got a lot of calls from users who desperately needed to delete incriminating URLs from the browser history before their spouse/parent/boss/goldfish came in and found them. (In fact, cleaning up the history was the second most common type of call that was actually a legitimate support issue, right after the callers who were experiencing performance issues because someone told them to tweak the size limit on the browser cache, which was now taking up 9/10ths of their entire free drive space. The most common calls were of the "I'm using you, yes, YOU, as my ISP, and I can't connect!" At which point we gave them the support number for Netcom... but I digress.) One of these calls was especially memorable, however. The user was a nun. She was calling from a convent. The URLs in question were of an, er, animal loving nature.

My second offering involves a cousin once removed. She called me one night, really upset because a spreadsheet she needed for work wouldn't load, because the machine didn't have enough space. Upon investigation I discovered hundreds of MBs of scanned centerfolds, a few avis, and, incidentally, Napster and a whole lot of MP3s. She went all tinfoil hat, and swore that evil hackers had broken into her computer and forced a "pornography virus" on her. She had a 14 year old son. Yeah, it must have been the Hax0rz for Satan responsible.

On todays theme...

[redhillian.livejournal.com]

In brief: advertising company, a rep brought in the laptop as the sales demo packages wouldn't run. Because he's been installing porn diallers on it. BigBadBoss said "OK, clean it up, give it back, do what you like. I'll warn him." and let us get on with it.

We had a better idea. Over the weekend we 'cleaned it up'. With photoshop and an airbrush. Removed the diallers, locked the lappy down a bit and censored every single picture. What? It wasn't like he could complain...

(For context, neither we nor the reps had proper rules at the time, just an ...understanding...)

Still on the theme...

[spiker-uk.livejournal.com]

As several brethren have already alluded today, university students and porn go together... all too often! And, it seems, particularly when the university student concerned is from a far-away land (most often Far Eastern, so .cn, .th, .vn, .jp, .sg and friends...). One of the problems the students report to us is that the ResNet (not operated by us) is dreadfully slow, and so plenty of our students either tunnel through us or just log in to our machines and do things that way.

A couple of months ago, during one of our sweeps for network traffic anomalies, we picked up a chunky BitTorrent stream (several mbits/s) -- mainly going up rather than coming down -- from one of the undergraduate computer lab systems. I logged in remotely to investigate -- BitTorrent isn't verboten per se, but more often than not the darling students are using it for something "undesirable" -- either the ubiquitous movie sharing... or "the pink stuff" as it tends to be circumlocuted around here. Sure enough, good ole /proc/{process}/fd showed a veritable sexucopia of porn being shared -- mainly Japanese, apparently.

Here's where this gets screwy -- and enters the "smart student but terribly dumb" territory. On tracing back, the account in use was that of a Chinese student, who had in fact graduated from our course at the end of the last academic year -- due to an administrative screwup his account hadn't been killed. What made the soup richer was that he hadn't been sitting at the workstation to set it up... but logged in from a residential hall. "Ok", I think -- maybe he's visiting friends or doing another course here. Ring up Student Records: "Nope, he is Grad 06 and gone. Shouldn't be here."

So I pull up the syslog and go grep for the account... and, well, if he's visiting friends, he's doing it at all hours -- leading me to think his account's 0wned -- of course, I've already pulled the plug on it so he's not going to be logging into it any more. I contact the ResNet guys, get them to trace the IP, and they come back and say: "Well, yep, one of ours... and it goes to a laptop registered to (same Chinese student)... who, uhm... shouldn't be there?"

It turns out that he was illegally living in the residential hall -- the legal occupant had sublet the room to our porn-loving friend and made his own arrangements! Even better, he was apparently part of a "mafia" who were pursuing sublets from students in that particular Hall -- as a result, within that week, five other people were served with eviction notices.

All because one person couldn't be patient enough to download his porn on the ResNet...