(no subject)

[teriwyn.livejournal.com]

This is from a friend of mine. I thought some of you may get a chuckle out of it...

"On Friday I was working to deploy and test a new application for a client, when I came across the following error:



Sure enough. It did."

(no subject)

[circe77.livejournal.com]

Most of you have probably seen this but for those that haven't it's quite amusing.

Clicky Me!

From the department of redundantly stupid (l)users

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

I'm calling to put in a call for a trouble ticket.

No shit! This is the help desk. No one calls to tell me they're calling because it's a beautiful day out side and they feel they're one with the universe. Everyone calls with a problem!

And when you do call, don't just sit there after saying "I have a problem" and breathe like a cartoon bull from a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Tell me what your problem is! Are you waiting for me to charge up my magic telepathy beany? Guess what? I save that for Friday nights at the local meat market. That way, when I go in there, I already know all the women there aren't interested in me and I don't have to waste any money buying anyone, other than myself, a drink.

No Sh**, there I was...

[thalionar.livejournal.com]

minding my own business, reading LJ, listening to Ska, Punk and Other Junk on Live 365 when a call comes in. I quickly mute the radio, and answer the call.

Note: on the phone, I am a very cheerful Southern woman. I don't think I sound stupid, and I KNOW I'm not stupid. Nor naive. Also, I do tech support for a manufacturing company producing durable medical goods.

Guy on the other end, sounds older, from "up north" somewhere, and he is reading me the riot act about how he can't access a site that he visits all the time, and is there a problem with the internet, etc, etc, etc. Whoa. Back up. What's the site he's trying to access? Nina Hartley's blog. Uh huh. And what's the message? Oh? that it's been blocked by company internet policy? Imagine that. Well, sir, I *could* put in a ticket for you and see if security would unblock NINA HARTLEY's blog, but umm... somehow I doubt it. But I can put it in, you know, it does require MANAGEMENT APPROVAL. Oh, I see by the notes in your ticket history that you are a manager. Yeah. Uh huh, that's what I thought. Have a nice day.

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!

NINA HARTLEY!!!!

*gasps for breath*

xposted to my journal and to techsupport

What's worse than obnoxious users?

[drquuxum.livejournal.com]

Obnoxious users who bring their undisciplined offspring to work.

I've had to RMA her laptop's keyboard twice because her two demonspawn destroyed it.  I cannot bear to go into that office when they're there -- 90dB screaming, throwing papers and sh¡t about (usually at me or one of her machines), running around the entire building -- all the while the extent of the discipline is little more than "Be nice, you two".

Of course, you can't tell them to sit down and shut up or else she goes off and complains to whomever will give her two seconds.

She's no treat to support either, but that's a rant I've been saving up for a special occasion.

Do any of you have to put up with destructive rugrats at your workplace?

(no subject)

[foobarintel.livejournal.com]

(13:31:16) Me: this kid just called trying to install the winXP cd that came with his free dell on his win98 machine...
(13:31:40) Me: and I was like "Sir, that is illegal. You are only authorized to install WindowsXP on one machine and it is already on the computer we sent you. This could be a problem...."
(13:31:43) Me: and the kid got scared and hung up
(13:40:04) Me: cripes it's not even 2.30 yet
(13:40:07) Matt: hahahaha

Say...what?

[the-anguisette.livejournal.com]

I work graveyard for a major ISP.  Some gems from the last few nights of calls:

"But...isn't 600Mhz really fast?!?"  (Processor speed)
"Relatively, these days?  No Sir, not really."
"So you're telling me that I spent $1800 on this thing in 1998 and now I can't use it?!?"
"Unfortunately, computers get outdated rather fast."
_______________________________________

Woman calls in because *software* doesn't open when she clicks the icon on her desktop.  I walk her through opening it a few different ways, just in case the shortcut got messed with.  Nada.  Decide to check to make sure she meets the min requirements for running *software*.  She does.  However, she's running Windows XP... on a 300Mhz processor...with 32MB of physical memory...and 32MB of virtual.  Explain to her that she doesn't really meet the min requirements for running her OS, and thus programs aren't really gonna have enough resources to run.  I'm met with uncomprehending silence.  When all else fails, car analogies do the trick with our users, for some reason.  "Ma'am...your computer is trying to do what equates to towing a semi with a lawnmower."  She cracks up, finally understanding the problem, thanks me profusely and hangs up.
 _______________________________________ 

"The little arrow fell off my screen and now it won't move."

'Nuff said.

NO WAI

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

Got an email from a (L)user informing us of a bug in our firewall... here's the conversation that followed with my coworkers:

Me: So, this guy found a bug in our firewall! OMG - can you believe it?

Co-worker: No way. It's only been out for years and he found a bug? Does he have the full, paid for version?

Me: No, I did a search in our database for Captain Obvious and it came up null.

A bit of humor from my day

[phaedra-13.livejournal.com]

Our "main" IT group in Arizona sometimes opens service tickets for our workgroup. Here is one such ticket from today:

"[User] explained that there entering the data into [software], however the group that is suppose to be recieving this information is not recieving the data at all. [User] is not sure what application should be recieving this info."

1. I am always amused at the spelling in the service tickets. I realize HPSD doesn't have spellcheck, but c'mon people.

2. Notice there is NO mention of a customer, a file or even a vague reference to what it is the user is trying to do. Hmm...let me get out my crystal ball.

3. I call the user. She's got NO idea what the problem is and has no examples for me. She's supposed to call me tomorrow with the examples. I asked about a specific customer and she was all "um....well...I don't know." WTF? OK. So I move on to the next question of what it is she's trying to do and where in the software she is trying to do it. She ignored this.

Ah. A day in the life of a Hell Desk Analyst.


(x-posted in multiple places, including my own journal)