Say...what?

[the-anguisette.livejournal.com]

I work graveyard for a major ISP.  Some gems from the last few nights of calls:

"But...isn't 600Mhz really fast?!?"  (Processor speed)
"Relatively, these days?  No Sir, not really."
"So you're telling me that I spent $1800 on this thing in 1998 and now I can't use it?!?"
"Unfortunately, computers get outdated rather fast."
_______________________________________

Woman calls in because *software* doesn't open when she clicks the icon on her desktop.  I walk her through opening it a few different ways, just in case the shortcut got messed with.  Nada.  Decide to check to make sure she meets the min requirements for running *software*.  She does.  However, she's running Windows XP... on a 300Mhz processor...with 32MB of physical memory...and 32MB of virtual.  Explain to her that she doesn't really meet the min requirements for running her OS, and thus programs aren't really gonna have enough resources to run.  I'm met with uncomprehending silence.  When all else fails, car analogies do the trick with our users, for some reason.  "Ma'am...your computer is trying to do what equates to towing a semi with a lawnmower."  She cracks up, finally understanding the problem, thanks me profusely and hangs up.
 _______________________________________ 

"The little arrow fell off my screen and now it won't move."

'Nuff said.

Comments

and now I can't use it?!?

[irishmasms.livejournal.com]

what is stopping them from using it? What the hell do they need to run software wise that a 600 Mhz is not enough?

OD10Ts!

Re: and now I can't use it?!?

[the-anguisette.livejournal.com]

If his system had been clean, he probably would have been fine. I left out the how he'd started off the call by saying "you know how when sometimes you look at porn, it opens too many windows?" 60+ processes running on a 600mhz PC that's never seen anti-virus software isn't going to run an application that requires 128MB of ram. It just isn't.

Re: and now I can't use it?!?

[irishmasms.livejournal.com]

ahhh - the other contributing factors (crappy pr0n sites) & the LOser (who cant do a fresh reinstall or get his pr0n from safer sources) are now coming to light....

Should of asked him if he takes his car to the mechanic for tuneups, then ask why he neglects his computer the same way.

[kostika.livejournal.com]

"The little arrow fell off my screen and now it won't move."

hehehehe...that made me giggle out loud.

[shirenomad]

When all else fails, car analogies do the trick with our users, for some reason. "Ma'am...your computer is trying to do what equates to towing a semi with a lawnmower." She cracks up, finally understanding the problem, thanks me profusely and hangs up.

Heh, that's a great description; glad it worked. Sometimes a non-technical metaphor does wonders (just look at Star Trek).

[the-anguisette.livejournal.com]

Towing a semi with *insert silly thing here* is my favorite for underpowered users. what the silly thing towing is depends on the user...what I think they're most likely to understand. There was another guy that was running XP with a 100Mhz processor...I explained about 5 different ways why it wouldn't work...the semi anaology was bourne of desperation.

"Sir, are you into cars, by any chance?"
"Why yes I am!"
"Okay. You're trying to tow a semi with a KIA."
"THAT'S AWFUL!!"

[phaedra-13.livejournal.com]

"The little arrow fell off my screen and now it won't move." -- THAT is one of the BEST things I have ever heard!!! ROFLMAO!

[coyoteden.livejournal.com]

...and possible, if multiple monitors are configured but not actually connected.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Or configured, connected, but not actually switched on.

"Can't it tell when I have a screen switched on or not?"

"No."

[coyoteden.livejournal.com]

Some ATI cards can

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Yup. But in general, the people who'd know and be able to take advantage of that wouldn't be calling for support.

And do the ATI card drivers automatically pull everything that was on the switched-off screen back over to the remaining screen(s)?

[the-anguisette.livejournal.com]

trust me when I say that its highly unlikely that any of our users realize you can have more than one monitor.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

Hah, awesome.

Reminds me of working at Dell in 2000, I'd get similar calls. "I bought this thing in 1992, and it runs Windows JUST FINE..."