I <3 Paranoid Lusers!

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

Let's jump to conclusions!  Because he received an email in his AOL inbox with the subject line of "Re: Sex Pictures" this guy thinks someone is hacking into his computer at night to send out these pictures, hence the "Re:"  DUH! What else could it possibly be? Spam? Nah! Because there is NO way you can type "RE:" in a subject line. He's definately being hacked.  At night no less!

Fortunately, he put his AOL address in the email so I sent him an email with a subject line of "Re: orgy @ ur place tonite".

oh, Dell...

[goose-entity.livejournal.com]

I was going to rant about this. But I am too tired. Dell have stuck their fangs into my veins and sucked me almost, but not quite, dry.

Laptop. Latitude 110L. New machine. Corporate image. Install all drivers supplied.

Presents 2 problems - keyboard doesn't work in OS, keeps flipping to battery when on mains.

Motherboard replaced due to faulty power connector.

Keyboard still kinda not working. Kinda, because kb works in BIOS, just not in OS.

What's the problem? IRQ conflict between the KB and wireless card.

So, off to the Dell website I go to download the latest drivers for the chipset and the wireless card.

No joy.

BIOS update! Yay! Dell's favourite troubleshooting tool! Download hard drive installer. Agree, next, next nex.... WTF do you mean, insert the floppy disk?!!?

Double check. Yes, this is, indeed, the floppy-LESS install that is asking me for the floppy!

Phone Dell. Go through their script. Yes, tried to update BIOS. No, doesn't work. No, it doesn't. Look, do it yourself! See! Asking for floppy disk! HAH! Yes, please FedEx me BIOS upgrade CD.

BIOS upgrade CD arrives today. To upgrade the BIOS to the same level as it is at just now.


.....


*sigh*


I am too tired to put up with this. Can I go home now?

(no subject)

[mightyj.livejournal.com]

Dear Luser,

I really don't care how the porn got on your PC.  I was just giving you a friendly reminder that disreputable web sites will attempt to infect your system with worms, that some sites are not work appropriate, and that I can tell where you've been on the Internet and what you've been looking at.  I really don't want to hear your flimsy excuses which I don't believe anyway since this is not the first time a worm has tried to infect your PC.  And remember, the next time I come across these types of file I am obligated to follow the appropriate channels as outlined in the e-mail you got from Corporate Communications just last Friday.

Signed,

Your System Administrator Whose Eyes Are Still Burning

Lusers and VPN

[crankysysadmin0.livejournal.com]

I don't know why, but I seem to spend hours supporting random vpn issues. Anything from rebooting their cable modem to choosing the wrong wireless conection at the hotel---these are all problems with VPN.

Today, I received a frantic call that the luser couldn't see his personal folders in Outlook when he is on VPN.

I asked him he could see them when he was in the office and he said no! WTF? Obviously it isn't a VPN problem then.

BTW - The folders were there, they were just minimized.

Corporate IT emails (Semi-NSFW)

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

Mon 7/17/2006 1:39PM
Subject: External Calling Issues
From: Enterprise IT
To: (company) USA

This is a follow on to the External Calling issue.

Verizon has reported that a heat related outage has occurred. This impacted service in the north east area. From what we can tell our facilities in Georgia, North Carolina, and Vagina are unaffected.

Mon 7/17/2006 1:42PM
Subject: Recall: External Calling Issues
From: Enterprise IT
To: (company) USA

Mon 7/17/2006 1:43PM
Subject: Recall: External Calling Issues
From: Enterprise IT
To: (company) USA

Lets meet to talk about the pre-meeting....

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

Lifted directly from the few-minutes-till-6 High Priority ticket....

contact user for more info
and to schedule a time for contact