Who are you? WHERE ARE YOU?

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Me: Help Desk. Gilmoure Speak-

EB: Need java!

Me: What is your name?

EB: EB. I need Java.

Me: What seems to be the probelm?

EB: I. Need. Java. It's for a web course.

Me: What course are you taking?

EB: It's XYZ123. Says I need java.

Me: Can I remote in?

EB: Yes.

Me: Hmmm...Can't connect. Are you on abc123 desktop computer?

EB: No, I'm in the lab.

Me: What is the number of the computer you're on? (trying to hide the sounds of me eating my computer speaker, to keep from grinding my teeth in rage!)

EB: Oh yeah, I guess you need that.


And it went downhill from there. Why do users think we have super magic happy telepathy beany hats on and a magic wand stuffed up our ass that we can wave to make everything in the user's world sparkly and shiney? We have almost 20,000 computers here. If you're not in your office, let me know!

dumb ass beta testers

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

I think you should have to pass a test that covers basic logic and computing before you download a beta OS. If I get ONE more email from some fuckbag wondering why our firewall doesn't work on MS Vista Beta 2, I might have to jump from my 6th floor office.  They email in all upset 'cause their systems are vulnerable... well, yeah, fucktard! I have compiled a rather nasty signature on outlook since I get chapped everytime I get one and I am sick of typing the same reply.  Has no one ever heard of a test environment? What a concept! Behold the gem below from this asshat:

It appears that Trend Micro PC-cillin, and F-Secure are the only companies that's keeping an eye on the new Windows Vista Beta2 version of the upcoming OS.

They are currently writing their products to conform with this new Windows.

 

What are the other Companies waiting for?

Ninety percent of the software failed on my Vista system.  NO VERSIONS of the Zonelabs prodducts will run, or install, for that matter.

 

Moreover, I have no confidence in the imbedded firewall offered in Windows Vista.  Running the LeakTest by www.GRC.com proved disasterous.  The test (leaktest) repeatedly flunked, permitting easy access and penetration of the GRC firewall.  This is no small matter!

 

I need to replace/disable the Vista firewall with one that's compatible with this system.

"Where's the beef?"

If you can fulfill this bill, please let me know asap, because this is an urgent appeal.

EDIT: I don't even know what to tell this guy.  He doesn't realize that no one is gonna develop software for an OS that is constantly changing.

'NOTHER EDIT: I also just realized that he put "where's the beef?" in his email. Way to use an 80's pop culture reference, chode! And I've decided here that I want a martial arts dummy and to label it "MS Vista Beta Tester" so I can kick it in the crotch everytime I get one of these emails.

(no subject)

[crankysysadmin0.livejournal.com]

Luser - My ipaq won't sync
Me - There is an error on the screen?
Luser - Yes, unable to connect

We go through settng up the exchange server name, re-entering user info and domain, and then click ok.

Luser - The error is still there. Oh, wait---I just clicked sync and it works. This whole time, I never noticed the sync button on the bottom of the screen. I bet that was the issue all along.

it. won't. end.

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

Our lusers are top quality, pure, 100% not-from-concentrate fuckbags.  See what I mean?

I installed a version of Vista, then after 1 week I went back to the more reliable XP X64 version.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with the pavement 6 stories below me.

update to Dell

[goose-entity.livejournal.com]

previous story here: http://community.livejournal.com/techsupport/1095131.html

They sent me the BIOS upgrade disk.

BIOS does not upgrade again.

Stuff it, will upgrade manually.


"Cannot use a "Dell System Latitude 110L" BIOS in a "Dell System Inspiron 2200". ROM update not performed. Press any key key to exit".


Dell. You suck in so many ways it's not funny.

(no subject)

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

Ankylosing Spondylitis.

It sounds like the Latin name of a dinosaur.

In actual fact it's the name of a training module that our reps have to take on the shiny new broken training website that went undead today. It was supposed to have gone live but... it doesn't seem to want to act very alive. Spitting out Pedagogue critical errors all over the place.

I was just wishing I could take a ton more calls than normal heavy-volume nights tonight, too.

(no subject)

[jcaswell.livejournal.com]

Erm, whoops. No idea how that post ended up here. Sorry folks!

Bad Omens: first call of the day

[notthebuddha.livejournal.com]

"Do you know anything about this computer stuff?" "Sure." "You sure don't look like it."


"Okay, now I need you to enter your-" "Yeah, yeah, whatever."


"Alright, we've got your new modem in place and we've got you connecting to AOL-" "I could always get on AOL, I just can't get on Windows!"


"This AOL looks different! I can get connected, but I'm not on-line."


"I already tried calling AOL, they told me to call Dell." "Well, ma'am, Dell can't be responsible for-" "I called Dell, and they basically told me to shut up."


"Okay, I've got your new Dell modem put in and tested by calling in to AOL; I've got your icons restored to your screen; I've gotten rid of the phishing pop-up asking for your payment info; I've gotten rid of the rest of the mess at start-up, and you're back up to full speed now that I've cleaned out your temp folder. We strive for 100% customer satisfaction, is there anything else I can do for you today, anything else I can take care of on your computer?" "No, that's fine." "May I have your autograph here?" "Sure." <signs ticket with "Unsatsified">