Fuck You, You Fucking Fucks!

[purrrsephone.livejournal.com]

Two incredible customer *GEMS* today.

BG = I work as a Tier 2 level tech support agent for a very LARGE, very INCOMPETENT communications company, in the DSL technical support department.

( One of those  )

Sorry to anyone who's tech-y and didn't need my explanations throughout the post, I was catering to those who did for clarification.

X-Posted to customers_suck, techsupport, and my own journal, purrrsephone.

Here's a recipie to ensure you have a GREAT day at work...

[grayhawkfh.livejournal.com]

1:  Leave home and realize when you're almost at work that you cellphone is still sitting on the desk where you had it last night.

2:  Get to work 5 minutes later and realize that your badge is sitting right next to the cellphone on the desk. (Fortunately, I had my wallet, so I could get a temp day badge...)

3:  Go into work and realize that half of the people who work the phones have called out today.

4:  First call:  Suctomer who wants to complain that he can't remotely access on {company} network and the third party contractors who are supposed to help him "Are telling him to do useless stuff!"  And of course, if I try to walk him through troubleshooting, I get the usual:  "I've done that already".  Yeah, well not with me you haven't you ambulatory meatbag.  Now do as I say before I decide to barbecue your nuts over a can of Sterno.

I know I have that bottle of Tums here somewhere...

honestly, people

[valancy17.livejournal.com]

How *&^#$@% hard can it be to copy something verbatim??? You're a web production firm. Surely you understand the concept of case sensitivity. So when I ask for a directory called Directory-for-me, what I want is a directory called Directory-for-me.

I do not want directoryforme or directory-for-me . . . and perhaps to save time I should add that I don't want "Karnaby Fudge" by Darles Chickens, or "Farmer of Sludge" by Marles Pickens, or even "Stickwick Stapers" by Farles Wickens with four M's and a silent Q!!!!! [http://www.serve.com/bonzai/monty/classics/TheBookshopSketch]

grrrrrr.

(no subject)

[infy.livejournal.com]

Dear Stupervisor:

When you call in for one of your agents, and I'm in the middle of explaining that you'll need to submit to have the ID recreated because said agent hasn't logged in for sixty days, it is not absolutely necessary to just hand me off in the middle to that agent just so I can repeat myself. It's not like HE can submit to have the ID created, after all.

This is yet another time when you couldn't be bothered to listen coming back to slap you upside your empty little head. Notmyproblemnowf@ckoff.

What to do, what to do...

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

I have a question, and who better to ask than my fellow techsupport hell community...

If you had the opportunity to have a job at Sony, only it required you to take a $1 pay cut and lose all of your discounted services from your cable company...

Would you take that opportunity for a shot at some bigger and better things with the Sony company?

I figured I would ask, because this could be a big change...with more chances to grow, plus I wouldn't have to talk on these evil phones like I currently do!

x-posted to darkblade1

A small example of 1 call

[linxie1.livejournal.com]

What part of "Enter Full Name" are you having so much trouble with?!
What is the purpose of repeating everything I say if you're not going to do it anyway?!
NO! Double click and single click are NOT the same thing!
No I can't see what you are looking at just because I'm talking to you on the phone!

Me: Are you using dialup or high speed
Them: Yes
Me: Which one
Them: I am using high speed.
Me: Okay
Them: On Dialup
Me: Um...
Them: I am using high speed and check the login using dialup box
Me: Ok. Please log in
Them: What is my user name
Me: (thought... OY!) abcde
Them: What's my password
Me: Um... I don't know...
Them: Okay. I know what it is
Me: Great. enter it and log in. The first thing that is going to happen is Microsoft Word will open and ask you for your full name and initials. Please enter them.
Them: What should I put as my name?
Me: (call your mom and ask her) Your name.
Them: Last name first?
Me: Your name as you use when you sign documents
Them: So you my first name first and last name last? Do I need my middle name?
Me: Do you use your middle name?
Them: No never
Me: Then no. Please click on the link and then double click on the second icon.
Them: What do you want me to do?
Me: Please click on the link and then double click on the second icon.
Them: So you want me to click on this link?
Me: Yes please. Then double click on the second icon
Them: Okay, it's opening.
Me: Great!
Them: Okay, what do you want me to do now?
Me: CLICK ON THE SECOND FRIKKIN' ICON... ehem... please!
Me: Okay... just 12 more items to go and we'll be set!

...And this was one of the easier setups today!

Dude, get off my phone.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

The wait in our queue is eleven minutes. The wait in the desktop queue is nonexistent. So what do people choose to get their DESKTOP passwords reset? They choose the email queue, and wait eleven minutes on hold.

ME:  What do you want the password to be? (I don't have time to screw around with resetting and having him reset himself.)
HIM:  Cougar.
ME:  OK, it always needs to be at least eight characters.
HIM:  Summer.
ME:  (Not even gracing this with a response.)
HIM:  (Counting under his breath.) One, two, three, four, five, six.  Summer1, then.
ME:  That is seven characters.
HIM:  Summer12.

*sob*

x-posted to customers_suck

(no subject)

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

"I took this job so I wouldn't have to LOOK at the fermented asscakes I deal with."

Today I've become a floor walker. I go and I bug people with long call times, help them out, or try to. So far I'm doing reasonably well. Still, it requires an outgoing nature, such as I don't posess without slight inebriation (and the boss says no hip flasks... slave driver). Without a Guinness in hand and a shot of Captain in belly, I revert back to my normal self. An insular, self-absorbed, totally-uncaring-about-anyone-around-me prick.

I'm told I was the only one who considered aloud trying to go back to the phones.

Promotion is good. Just keep repeating. Promotion is good. Promotion is good. Promotion without pay, without change in status, without additional benefits besides 'being off the phone'.... is... good?

This is training for a 'real' promotion, and a $0.50 raise! wooo. Color me impressed.

...
Put me back on the damn phone.

---

No, I'm happy, dammit.