Things you would like to say to customers...

[madd-trinity.livejournal.com]

I am pretty sure that some of you have seen this page. This is for the one's who haven't. Also for the one's who have and still think it's funny.

I think we have an I.D.1.0.T. error.....

Click me.

(no subject)

[usekh.livejournal.com]

A rant posted to my own LJ I thought might be suited here as well.

What really annoys me is the attitude that some people have. That customer service are just there to be their punching bags.

That just because they pay X dollars per month they have the right to treat us any way they want. No matter how nasty.

I mean..exchanging money does not remove common human decency.

I am NOT paid to be your fucking punching bag. I am paid to fix your problems. You want to yell and scream at me you wil be introduced to the release button and call in again to the bottom of the queue. Or you will get the absolute minimum needed to get you the fuck off the phone.


I am a tech support rep. I am here to fix your problems with our service. Not your personal agression issues.

Marketing the WMD 404 Page

[naggy.livejournal.com]

Proof that anything can be marketed...

The WMD 404 page.

Items from the WMD 404 Page.

(no subject)

[ex-deliveryboy.livejournal.com]

Customer just called to bitch about his billing cause he doesn't understand how we bill, nor is he willing to listen.


Ok, pretty typical stuff.



Then he said "It's illegal for you to talk to me on my cell phone! I want to be compensated for my minutes!"



...


[blink] [blink]


me: "Did you call us sir?"

customer: "yes!"

me: "Sir, we cannot control how you decide to call us."

customer: "You should have told me to call you back on a landline!"

me: "Sir, we are available 24 hours a day, you can contact us at any time, any way you would like"


Customer: *another 10 minutes of incoherent rambling*

Fuzzy Memory

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

I just remembered this time I replaced a luser's computer and they called me saying I'd missed some files on the old one that she still needed. So I called/e-mailed our warehouse people and asked if they'd wiped it yet. They hadn't, so I said I need that box back plz. And later on, when I came back to my desk, it was there. "Fetch!", I say, and it was brought to me! I felt like a big shot.

Need your help peeps, or "would you like to participate?"

[valiskeogh.livejournal.com]

Hey guys, finally got around to doing what i've been SAYING i would do for a long long time.

HELP DESK HELL has been created, and is slowly filling with content as i write stuff, and edit some of my own recorded phone calls

Forums have just now been created, there is a page with several of my own phone calls, and creating more pages as we speak.

What i'd LOVE from you guys is either submitted stories, just like the ones you put on here which are always fabulous, or permission to use your lj entries (without your name of course or any identifying information) on the "luser stories" page. ALSO if you have the capability to record some of your phone calls, that would be GOLD. you can email the raw call to me and i'll edit out any identifying information myself (email addy's, names, isp or company names, passwords, etc) or you can edit those out and then email them to me. whichever floats your boat.

ALSO, if you have any resources you use consistently, you can email those to me and i'll incluse them on the "tech resources" page.

also feel free to join the forums and listen to the calls i have on there so far.

AND WOULD IT KILL YOU TO CLICK ON ONE OF THOSE GOOGLE AD LINKS??? seriously, cause i'm currently technically unemployed except for some of my online endeavors :)

Thanks guys, and stay tuned, i created the page to better facilitate YOU in demonstrating to people who ARENT techs' just how FUCKED UP some of the people you deal with are...

valis
(feel free to link to the site and all that jazz)

Let's try this again

[nem0.livejournal.com]

There's a lady in our shop trying to explain what she wants us to back up before we reload her machine. She says she wants her e-mails. So we ask, do you use an e-mail program or do you check your mail online?

She says she uses Mozilla.

Okay, do you mean Firefox, Thunderbird, or some other flavor of Mozilla? (One would expect a person who's using Mozilla in the first place to know these things, since the common person wouldn't even know what it is.)

She doesn't know. She just uses Mozilla.

Mmmmkaaaaay. Do you check your e-mail by running a program, or do you go to a website?

She says she has to think about that.

Let's try this again. Do you click on an icon, or type in a web address, or go to a bookmark?

She says not to bother her while she thinks about it.

Right. Sure, crazy lady. Shall we just boot up your computer and have you show us how you check your e-mail?

Oh, we can't do that, it has to be online to do that.

...sure, whatever. Here's your desktop, pretend it's online and show us how you would go about checking your mail.

I click on the Thunderbird icon, she says.

Insert sound of both techs gnashing their teeth. When we asked whether you used Thunderbird, you could have said yes and saved us the aggro, you know?

Reid's still trying to figure out what she wants backed up, because apparently she has to go thru every folder and make sure there's not something important in it. Hrrgh. She's not that old, either, so there's no excuse for this kind of ig'nance. Cripes.

Ahahahahahahahahahaha *Breathes in noisily* Bwahahahahahahahahaha

[nexilen.livejournal.com]

That is precisely why I take the time to actually LOOK at the procedures and take out any unrelated questions we have in 'em. Still, this guy made my day ... My entire weekend, even :D

I know Europeans think most Americans are dumb already, but the truth is we just don't give a shit about giving "personalized service".

I'd like to see this guy do our job, just for a day :D
He really, REALLY needs to get laid with his so-called "girlfriend". ^_^

---

Thanks for your standard almost unrelated questions. Answers bellow. Anyway sometime I receive an email from my girlfriend, sometimes not, sometimes it lands in the spam recipient, sometimes I get absolutly nothing (no spam notification, no error, nor get my girlfriend any error message back). But at the end I am not getting all her emails. Is there any possibility that an external email is filtered out, but no message is send either to the sender nor to the receiver ?

cheers

XXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXX MUNICH
Germany
Phone: +XXXXXXXXXXXXX


-----Original Message-----
From: XXXXXXXXXXX On behalf of XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Sent: Freitag, 1. April 2005 14:35
To: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Subject: Need Information - Case HD0000000500581



XXXX,

With regard to ticket HD0000000500581, more information is needed.

This ticket refers to the following issue:

Problem Description: my email address "XXXXX@XXXXX.com" doesn't work properly from outside XXXXXX. "XXXXX@XXXXXX.com" seems not to work as well.

Operating System: Windows 2000

The additional information needed is:

Verify that you do not have any rules set up in Outlook that may prevent email from showing up in your inbox. If you need further assistance, please call the XXXXX Service Desk at XXX-XXX-XXXX to log a ticket for this issue. Be prepare to give the below information.

1. Have you ever been able to send email to this email address? If yes, when is the last time?
Sorry, I usually don't write to from myself to myself. (<- That wasn't the question. At all.)
2. Have you check with the recipient if he's/she's experiencing problem with their email account?
I know the recipient very well, and he (<- Remember how he was talking about his "girlfriend" earlier ...) is not experiencing any other email account issues.
3. Are you experiencing the same problem with others external addresses or it's the only one?
It seems to be the only one.
4. Any error messages?
Apparently the message coming from my girlfriend has been filtered out by the anti-spam filter. I have just written an email at the spam service about that.
5. Are you trying to send or receive from XXXXX email address (posthandle@XXXX.com) or outside example:(username@aol.com)?
yes: the answer is already in the ticket description.
6. Who are the recipients?
high probably... myself ? (<- WTF was the first part of the sentence about ?)
7. Any attachments to the email? If yes, what is the size? If the size is over 10MB, ask him to zip the file or document he's trying to send.
no f*** idea as I am not the f*** sender but the f*** receiver (recipient)
8. What's the size of your mailbox (To determine this, right click on the "Outlook Today - {Mailbox - Last name, First name}"
If it's over 100 000kb, you should reduce the size of your mailbox because the limit is 85 000kb and after 100 000kb, you may experience problem sending emails.
and what about my original f*** question: problem "receiving" emails

In order to expedite the resolution of this issue, please contact the XXXXX Service Desk at XXX - XXX - XXXX or <mailto:xxxxxx@xxxxxx.com>
You can also check on the status of your issue at any time by visiting <http://it.xxxxxx.com/servicedesk/>

Thank you,
XXXXXXXX
<http://it.xxxxxx.com/servicedesk/>

Another good article for the day...

[naggy.livejournal.com]

World of Wordcraft

chicken or the egg

[belovedcrown.livejournal.com]

Do you ever wonder which came first:

treatment of customers en masse by support techs as though said customers were lower forms of life, stupid, and lacking value,

OR

treatment of techs by customers as though said techs were awful arrogant incompetent social rejects ?

Who started the great war?

Who can end it?

touch typing

[katyism.livejournal.com]

How many of you do NOT know how to touch type? or are very bad at it?
If you could also estimate how many techs in your workplace can't touch type vs. those who can, that would be cool too.


I'm just curious... because last night I let myself into work, i popped off and rearranged key on ALL they keyboards to spell thinks like QUACK and PWNED on the QWERTY row. It didn't turn out to be as funny as I thought and I'm disappointed... apparently half the people here are horrible hunt-and-peckers and they didn't think it was funny at all, it decreased productivity etc... I guess I mistakenly assumed it would be the least harmful prank I could do.

WTF???

[ladynisa.livejournal.com]

I hate people sometimes. What in gods green earth is wrong with otherwise perfectly normal people that one the phone they absolutely cannot follow simple instructions that are spoken in a clear and slow manner?????

WHY MUST I REPEAT MYSELF FIVE TIMES OR MORE FOR THIS WOMAN TO FEEL COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO FOLLOW THE DAMNED DIRECTIONS WHY GOD WHY?!?!?!?!?! Am I secretly speaking Russian and it just *sounds* like English to me because I'm so used to hearing it? Do I have maniacle undertones flowing through my voice that scream to customers, UNLESS THIS PERSON REPEATS THEMSELVES AT LEAST FIVE TIMES, YOU MUST NOT TRUST THEIR INSTRUCTIONS BECAUSE IT WILL BLOW UP YOUR COMPUTER!

And to think, I'm in a GOOD mood today.

Stupid fucking morons.

(no subject)

[chaobell]

Today a fairly old Gateway box came in for a dead power supply. It was one of those lovely proprietary jobs, and the box was old enough that Gateway no longer carried the part. The very nice man at Gateway gave me the number for people who did carry it, but before I went to the trouble of ordering the thing, I figured I'd better make sure the power supply didn't take anything to the Great Beyond with it.

While a standard ATX power supply would not physically fit in the case (and I planned on offering a transplant of guts into a new case as an option, because boy, that was one pricey power supply), it would power the beast just fine. So I plugged it in, popped Troubleshooter into the A: drive, and fired it up.

For a few seconds, all seemed well. Lights, fans, Gateway logo appeared on screen... and then the box made this horrible Godawful screeching noise. How horrible? Imagine raking your fingernails across a blackboard. Mix in the sound of chipmunks being stretched to death on the rack. Crank it up to about 110db.

Having never heard a computer make that sort of noise, I had no idea where it was coming from, but it happened once during POST and once afterward. Jesus, was that the A: drive? Reset, watched box. No, it didn't happen when POST poked on the A: drive. Maybe it was something weird coming out of the speaker. Reset, put finger on speaker. No vibration. Put finger on modem speaker. No vibration. Put finger on hard drive.

Ah, there it was. Shutting down, disconnecting the drive, and rebooting confirmed it. The other tech and I looked at each other something like this: @_@.

Folks, I have never heard a hard drive make a noise like that in my entire life. I've heard ka-CLUNK ka-CLUNK. I've heard tik-tik-tik-tik-tik. I've heard wheeeezeCLUNK wheeeeezeCLUNK. I have never ever heard a hard drive SCREAM IN AGONY before.

Just for shits and giggles, and to see how dead this drive really was, I shut down again, reconnected the drive, let Troubleshooter start up, and told it to run the hard drive diagnostics.

"What hard drive? I don't see no hard drive," said Troubleshooter.

Called customer to deliver the bad news about the drive. The kicker:

"Oh, yeah, it's been doing that for a while now. I was hoping you could get some stuff off it..."

Passed along the phone number to a local data recovery service, because that kind of shit is waaaaay out of our league.

He already had a new computer, and didn't particularly care about this one beyond getting the shit off his drive, so he thanked us for our time and asked us to put it back together so he could take it home and give it a decent burial.

It's too bad he needed the drive back. I really wanted to dissect it to see what the hell could have possibly made a noise like that.