Weirdest thing you've been asked to support?

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

For me, it's got to be the time many years ago when I was a fresh-faced PC support tech for a government office of about a hundred people. Simple Windows 3.11 stuff and hardware, mainly.

Until one of my users sidled up one day and asked if I could resurrect her son's Tamagotchi.

Sorry, lady. Dead batteries = dead 'gotchi.

(no subject)

[normie.livejournal.com]

I was looking through some call tickets today and I found this little jewel from a call a co-worker took today.

Caller's name changed to PersonX to protect her... or something like that ;)

To help explain, we offer free dial-up to students attending the college. The number is obviously local to the college which is in a different province then Montreal.


(PersonX) called with a question regarding dial up. Her son has a college laptop. She was worried because her son had used dial up at his grandmothers house (lives outside of montreal). The grandmother then received a large phone bill. She then stated that her son had used the laptop at a friends place in florida. She was wondering if her friend was going to receive a large bill as well. I informed her that it was extremely likely that her friend was going to get a very large bill. She then asked if there was anything we could do. I explained dial up to her and informed her there was nothing that we could do.

And Do You Have a Bridge For Sale?

[dpaul007.livejournal.com]

I adore users who, while I am remotely connected to their computer cleaning out spyware, vehemently deny *ever* having been anywhere on the web on their company computer.

So I open up -- while he's watching -- C:\Documents And Settings\USERNAME\Temporary Internet Files.

And I highlight each cookie pointing to Webshots, Online Casinos, EVEN SOME PR0N, and let it sit there.

He asks,"What are you doing now?"

...pause...

Me: "Oh, just making some screenshots." (I was eating a slice of pizza, actually)

Him: "Um, I see."

I cleaned up Gator, Webshots, and deleted his history and cache for him.

"Ooops, looks like I have to escalate this, sir."

Hehehehe.

Your Friday laugh... courtsey of my Director

[http://users.livejournal.com/shiara_/]

Background: My department is 'the caboose' in the life of an insurance policy and its transactions -- we pay the agent his/her commission. As such, we're involved in all of the help desk tickets and projects, ensuring that the commission calculations are correct (or as correct as they can be), etc.

So, for a new product launch that will be happening shortly, one of the Project Managers asked for time and resource estimates. I spoke with S.P., my ex-director, and she instructed me to provide the time allocation, but instructed me to go to the new director, T.R., for the resource allocation (I'm too lowly of a peon to actually suggest that it will be me as the resource).

After a 'reminder' email to T.R., I received the email below from her about the resource allocation:


-----Original Message-----
From: T.R.
Sent: March 4, 2005 3:29 PM
To: Shiara; J.U.
Cc: S.P., W.D.
Subject: RE: Estimates & Resources for Product

J.U., estimated time requirement is below. Shiara will be the resource for PAS however, we need a schedule and timeline for you as we have many other projects and daily living issues that Shiara is also involved in before we can commit to hitting any dates. Thanks, T.R.


So my question is this: what are daily living issues???? Would that be a polite way of saying that I need a life? Or is that a polite way of saying that I have a life outside of my company, and so she won't commit me to any tight deadlines because I have a life? Or is she commenting on the fact that, as a university student, I'm in class three nights of the week and it's a 'daily living issue'?

Needless to say, I started to giggle and downright chortle when I read that one.

Please oh please

[polarbee.livejournal.com]

When calling with questions about why your computers not working, please have more information to impart then: "Frog Frenzy 1 is working but Frog Frenzy 2 isn't. Can you tell me exactly what's wrong with my computer?"
And don't get all pissy when I tell you that I have no idea. Throw me a bone here: an error message, something!

What are you people....on dope?

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I know that it's friday...but don't call me when your stoned.

My Conversation:

Me:(ISP name) "This is PJ, I can help you."
Cust: "Uh, is this (ISP name)?
Me: "Yes it is sir, how can I help you?"
Cust: "Uhh, I forgot *long pause* oh yeah...I bought a new modem." *bong noise in background*
Me: "So you would like to register it in order to get it online?"
Cust: Uh...yeah, hold on a second.

*listening* I heard "Dude, your up." Another Bong hit sound takes place in the background...then loud coughing and laughing. Then someone screams "He's lit man."

Cust: *cough* "Sorry about that."

After all of this, it took about 20 minutes to get the Cable MAC address out of him. He had to repeat the letters over and over. He didn't bother to hook the modem up, he just wanted to register it. I'm sure he was spacing out just looking at the letters for the MAC address.

So...don't call me when your wasted. Wait until your done with me first. :)

"You should help me with that!"

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

So, I'm working corporate (internal) helpdesk and this caller is whining about a website not working for her.

Is it one of our pre-approved websites, being as how we are netnazis and deny access to almost any sites not on our list?

No.

How are you accessing it?

Following a link from someone else's website, which IS approved. Of course.

Do you realise that this nonapproved website is a subscription-only service in another country, and neither we as an organisation nor you as a private user have a subscription?

"But it should still work", uh-huh.

When did it last work for you?

Two months ago, probably just before this and every intermediate website recoded itself to stop scammy non-paying access.

And you expect me to do what, exactly?

"You should support this website and help me to get access!"

What, precisely, makes you think this?

"But, but, but..."

"Bye." *click*

(no subject)

[eeah.livejournal.com]

( E-mail from customer )

Meh.

After a 60 minute call that should have been 10 . . .

[ladynisa.livejournal.com]

EU: So, if I wanted a book that would teach me how to use my computer, what would you suggest?

Me: Computers for Dummies, Sir. Its very informative and easy to read.

EU: (chuckles) I thought you were going to say that.

least he had a sense of humor and accepted the fact that books like that were made for people like him. :)