(no subject)

[ex-deliveryboy.livejournal.com]

fun calls this morning. the following is not verbatim, but pretty much sums it up:

Customer: I deleted my messages, get them back for me.
tech: you deleted them, they are gone
Customer: give me a free month because I deleted my messages
tech: no
Customer: Let me speak to your manager

Transfered to me.
Customer: I deleted my messages, get them back for me.
me: you deleted them, they are gone
Customer: give me a free month because I deleted my messages
me: no
Customer: Let me speak to your manager
me: no
Customer: Someone signs your paychecks
me: they pay me to make these decisions, there is noone else to speak to
Customer: Damn you! go to hell, your fucking technology sucks, etc, etc ad nauseum
me: its not that we don't want to help, but they are gone, I apologize for any inconvenience, but YOU clicked the DELETE button.
Customer: *click*

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Customer managed to reach our Network Operations Center...

Customer: < Sob > I deleted my messages, get them back for me. < /Sob>
NOC: I will look into it.
NOC: You deleted your messages, they are gone.

Reclassification

[naggy.livejournal.com]

The State of Indiana has 6 total IT classifications currently: Jr Systems Analyst, Systems Analyst, Sr Systems Analyst, Programmer, Sr Programmer, and Systems Analyst Supervisor.

The Analyst jobs cover everything from helpdesk, network admins, desktop techs, server techs, dispatch, telecommunications techs, etc. Additionally, the requirements are 4/5/7 years of "data processing" (time based on level of the Analyst job).

Finally, someone got a clue, and realized that they needed more classifications, and perhaps even a career path chart for IT folks like they have for everyone else, due to lots of complaints that no one can ever get to another job around here.

Well, the first level general support helpdesk that sits next to me has been looking on HotJobs and believing their line of bullshit about salaries. Now, they're expecting $40,000/yr US for their positions, as opposed to the $32,000 they make now.

I keep telling them that out in the real world, first level techs would drool over $32K, much less $40K. Anyone here know of a first level helpdesk tech that makes $40K?

10 rules for calling tech support (x-posted to my personal journal)

[twitchfetish.livejournal.com]

1. heavy breathing down the phone will not: a)get your computer fixed any faster or b)turn me on; especially if you sound like an overweight Hutt with emphysema and a felch-gargling fetish.

2. telling me you're a technician from way back will not make me any more inclined to believe you when you say it's a "hardware problem with the RAM in the modem drive"

3. i do not speak japanese, chinese, russian, serbian, french, elven, klingon or regional dialectic ecclesiastical mongolian. please do not act as if i do.

4. this is not "you show me yours, i'll show you mine". just because i'm required to take your FULL name, address and phone details, doesn't mean i'm giving you mine. you want your computer fixed. i just work here.

5. i honestly dont give two curly buttfucks whether you are the queen of england or the CIO of the biggest company in the world. you were too stingy to purchase an upgraded warranty, therefore you will get the same service as everyone else. stop bitching. i know where you live.

6. yes, i have heard the one about the cupholder before.

7. if you talk to me like i'm something you scraped off the bottom of your hush puppies this morning just because you have more letters after your name than in it, i'm not going to help you any more than i'm required to. if you need to change one setting, instead of telling you what to change, i'll stick by the letter of the rules and charge you 40 bucks to set your screen res.

8. no i dont care that you know the Asia-Pacific manager of *my company*. i'm doing my job by the rules. i will not break them for you. call your fucking manager friend. i dont care. my ass is covered from here to breakfast. and you're probably lying. and i still know where you live.

9. screaming at me will not put your machine back in warranty. threatening to call my manager will not put your machine back in warranty. if you want a warranty service, invent a time machine and use it to travel back to before your computer ran OUT of warranty. preferrably to somewhere in the mid-paleolithic. yes, the world still existed before computers, telephones and your monumentally gyroscopic ego.

10. the most important thing for you to remember here is this: you have a contraction of my first name, one that 7 other people here share. i have you full name, your landline and mobile phone numbers, your fax number, address, work address, email and credit card details. i also have access to - and extensive experience in the use of - an axe and a sledgehammer. do you really want to fuck with me?

Have a nice day and thank you for calling.

Regards,

Matt.

I Don't Get It...

[fuego.livejournal.com]

My phone keeps rining with people expecting me to help them with their computers....you'd think I was tech support or something? What's up with that? :-P

This made my day.

[natertots.livejournal.com]

Got back an old machine today and was tearing it down to rebuild it.

Turned it around to take the case screws out and noticed lables.

Next to the NIC jack: "Big red phone"

*facepalm*

I laughed for about a half hour.

:)

Venting.

[klyf23.livejournal.com]

Online gamers are very excitable customers.

They might even beat out day traders.
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And then there are people who bitch about
the quality of service, because their *gasp*
business is depending on it. When they are
using a residential account.

Aw, can't we afford the extra fifty bucks a
month, so we violate the Terms of Service,
then bitch about the thousands of dollars
we're losing because Residential doesn't
include guaranteed up-time. Boo-hoo.

Let's see, we can't afford an extra fifty bucks
to keep from loosing thousands. Righty-hoo.
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Some days I wish I could just talk to ignorant
grandmothers. They may be slow, but at
least they're friendly.