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techrecovery1. heavy breathing down the phone will not: a)get your computer fixed any faster or b)turn me on; especially if you sound like an overweight Hutt with emphysema and a felch-gargling fetish.
2. telling me you're a technician from way back will not make me any more inclined to believe you when you say it's a "hardware problem with the RAM in the modem drive"
3. i do not speak japanese, chinese, russian, serbian, french, elven, klingon or regional dialectic ecclesiastical mongolian. please do not act as if i do.
4. this is not "you show me yours, i'll show you mine". just because i'm required to take your FULL name, address and phone details, doesn't mean i'm giving you mine. you want your computer fixed. i just work here.
5. i honestly dont give two curly buttfucks whether you are the queen of england or the CIO of the biggest company in the world. you were too stingy to purchase an upgraded warranty, therefore you will get the same service as everyone else. stop bitching. i know where you live.
6. yes, i have heard the one about the cupholder before.
7. if you talk to me like i'm something you scraped off the bottom of your hush puppies this morning just because you have more letters after your name than in it, i'm not going to help you any more than i'm required to. if you need to change one setting, instead of telling you what to change, i'll stick by the letter of the rules and charge you 40 bucks to set your screen res.
8. no i dont care that you know the Asia-Pacific manager of *my company*. i'm doing my job by the rules. i will not break them for you. call your fucking manager friend. i dont care. my ass is covered from here to breakfast. and you're probably lying. and i still know where you live.
9. screaming at me will not put your machine back in warranty. threatening to call my manager will not put your machine back in warranty. if you want a warranty service, invent a time machine and use it to travel back to before your computer ran OUT of warranty. preferrably to somewhere in the mid-paleolithic. yes, the world still existed before computers, telephones and your monumentally gyroscopic ego.
10. the most important thing for you to remember here is this: you have a contraction of my first name, one that 7 other people here share. i have you full name, your landline and mobile phone numbers, your fax number, address, work address, email and credit card details. i also have access to - and extensive experience in the use of - an axe and a sledgehammer. do you really want to fuck with me?
Have a nice day and thank you for calling.
Regards,
Matt.
2. telling me you're a technician from way back will not make me any more inclined to believe you when you say it's a "hardware problem with the RAM in the modem drive"
3. i do not speak japanese, chinese, russian, serbian, french, elven, klingon or regional dialectic ecclesiastical mongolian. please do not act as if i do.
4. this is not "you show me yours, i'll show you mine". just because i'm required to take your FULL name, address and phone details, doesn't mean i'm giving you mine. you want your computer fixed. i just work here.
5. i honestly dont give two curly buttfucks whether you are the queen of england or the CIO of the biggest company in the world. you were too stingy to purchase an upgraded warranty, therefore you will get the same service as everyone else. stop bitching. i know where you live.
6. yes, i have heard the one about the cupholder before.
7. if you talk to me like i'm something you scraped off the bottom of your hush puppies this morning just because you have more letters after your name than in it, i'm not going to help you any more than i'm required to. if you need to change one setting, instead of telling you what to change, i'll stick by the letter of the rules and charge you 40 bucks to set your screen res.
8. no i dont care that you know the Asia-Pacific manager of *my company*. i'm doing my job by the rules. i will not break them for you. call your fucking manager friend. i dont care. my ass is covered from here to breakfast. and you're probably lying. and i still know where you live.
9. screaming at me will not put your machine back in warranty. threatening to call my manager will not put your machine back in warranty. if you want a warranty service, invent a time machine and use it to travel back to before your computer ran OUT of warranty. preferrably to somewhere in the mid-paleolithic. yes, the world still existed before computers, telephones and your monumentally gyroscopic ego.
10. the most important thing for you to remember here is this: you have a contraction of my first name, one that 7 other people here share. i have you full name, your landline and mobile phone numbers, your fax number, address, work address, email and credit card details. i also have access to - and extensive experience in the use of - an axe and a sledgehammer. do you really want to fuck with me?
Have a nice day and thank you for calling.
Regards,
Matt.
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no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 05:42 am (UTC)You missed one though:
Threatening to sue the company has absolutely no impact on me. I just work here. You're just wasting valuable time that we could be using to fix your problem.
no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 06:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 06:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 06:44 am (UTC)stress relief through venting! god i love this comm :)
iV
no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 06:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 06:50 am (UTC)IV
no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 06:58 am (UTC)5. i honestly dont give two curly buttfucks whether you are the queen of england or the CIO of the biggest company in the world. You pay for your Web hosting bill on your phone bill, and you pay $25 bucks a month. If you're really losing thousands of dollars a day, go get yourself a dedicated server and stop wasting my time.
We have an extra perk here..
Date: 2004-06-11 09:06 am (UTC)_don't laugh.. it's been done before.. ;)
no subject
Date: 2004-06-11 11:16 am (UTC)