Smart arse.

[boobookittifukk.livejournal.com]

Don't be a smart arse. I don't care if you've had the same password for the last five years. You must be entering the wrong one if the website is not letting you in. If you were so smart, I wouldn't need to remind you three times within the space of 60 seconds what your username was.

Now stop being a smart arse and let me ask my questions so I can help you faster. I do not need you to start implying that it must be somehow our fault that you're putting in the wrong password when logging in. Just accept that you were more than likely getting your password wrong, shut up and let me reset it for you.

And then, please kindly fuck off.

Sincerely NOT yours,
Me

*twitchtwitch*

[sessifet25.livejournal.com]

Might as well post this here too. :)

Recently started a job in broadband repair. We're the 'go to' people for second line for several resellers. We also had a process change recently which means we now have an inbound customer line. We get the fault and try to reach the customer if some further testing is needed. If we can't reach them we leave a voicemail if possible or send an SMS requesting they ring us back on our nifty free number. This led to the following:

Me: Well...me. Obviously.
Customer: Absolutely starkraving bugnuts. Certified. Fucking around the sodding bend. Past the madness horizon and accelerating away in a purple and pink rocket car. Voice like a buzzsaw in heat.

Phone: *rings*
Me: *spiel*
Customer: *proceeds to throw absolute shitfit*
Me: *tries to get a word in edgewise*
Me: *fails*
Customer: *rantrantrave*
Me: Ma'am, please calm do...
Customer: *rantscreechwail*
Me: I'd love to help you, but could you ple...
Customer: *frothfrothfroth*
Me: I understand you're frustrated. Could I please n...
Customer: *fapfapfap*
Me: Excuse me?
Customer: *rantrantravefrothaneurysmfroth*
Me: Excuse me!
Customer: *dead calm* Yes, dear?
Me: I do appreciate your frustration and I'll be more than happy to help you. To do that, I need your pho...
Customer: *frothfrothfapfapowmyearsarefuckingbleeding*
Customer: And I am not spending one more minute on the phone with you, you hear? I have three children and you had better call me back right now! *frothfroth*
Me: We can do that^*. Could I please have yo...
Customer: Goodbye!
Me: ...ur phone number?

Okay. I'll just pull your phone number from my arse then, shall I? I think it's a few inches to the left of my ESP, and just half an inch beyond the magical FixIt button.

^* We can. We do. I'm not entirely sure I wanted to, but by this time I would have eaten glass to get this screaming bitch of my phone.