I wish this weren't representative of so many calls

[donnaidh-sidhe.livejournal.com]

"Please type 'winipcfg.'"
"'Wim'?"
"No, 'win.'"
"'I-P-C-S-G.'"
"No, F like Frank."
"S like Sam?"
"No, F like Frank. Or Foxtrot."
"Do I need to put in the 'win'?"
<headdesk> "Yes, ma'am."

Sigh.

[Edited to correct brainfart.]

the most retarded question I've been asked in quite some time

[jimbojones.livejournal.com]

"So, a computer works by having a positive pulse on the wire. What if I want to put a negative pulse out there, to just completely cancel it out. How can I do that?" (My wife was actually there with me to witness this one. The look on her face was AWESOME. No, honey, I really don't make this shit up...)

Of course, as soon as I could stuff my eyes back into my head and shake off the stupid like a wet dog coming in out of the water, I asked the guy (an engineer! with a degree!) "Back up a minute; forget the actual question you just asked - what are you trying to do?"

His response: "well, what about a diode?"

I couldn't make this shit up if I fucking WANTED to.

Ten minutes of fail later, I finally found out that he was trying to figure out how to do something with a car alarm... possibly involving his horn. Possibly not involving his horn. Or maybe when his car doors opened, or didn't open. Definitely not involving a computer, of any kind, in any possible way. I really couldn't get him to be any more clear than that.

He assured me, eventually, that "he had done all this before", he was just asking me questions hoping to save himself some time "remembering all that stuff", and as a closing question wanted to know "where can I buy diodes?" I told him, well, Radio Shack sells "diodes"... but, um, if what he was trying to do was install a car alarm, he'd probably be better off looking for parts related to that at a car stereo place. His face instantly screwed up like he'd bitten a lemon, and he said "yeah I know Norton [Car Stereo] has that stuff, but I was hoping not to have to deal with them."

I can only fucking imagine what the reactions from the guys at a car electronics place must be like when they deal with this guy... especially the second time he shows up. I am guessing it involves something along the lines of "hey Earl! GET IN HERE, that dude is back! Seriously you gotta fucking hear this shit."

UPDATE: Upon relating this story to a coworker, the coworker said "yeah... he said now that he's 'figured it all out' I should pay him to do one for my car."

do it Do It DO IT

DO IT!!!!1