techrecovery | the most retarded question I've been asked in quite some time

"So, a computer works by having a positive pulse on the wire. What if I want to put a negative pulse out there, to just completely cancel it out. How can I do that?" (My wife was actually there with me to witness this one. The look on her face was AWESOME. No, honey, I really don't make this shit up...)

Of course, as soon as I could stuff my eyes back into my head and shake off the stupid like a wet dog coming in out of the water, I asked the guy (an engineer! with a degree!) "Back up a minute; forget the actual question you just asked - what are you trying to do?"

His response: "well, what about a diode?"

I couldn't make this shit up if I fucking WANTED to.

Ten minutes of fail later, I finally found out that he was trying to figure out how to do something with a car alarm... possibly involving his horn. Possibly not involving his horn. Or maybe when his car doors opened, or didn't open. Definitely not involving a computer, of any kind, in any possible way. I really couldn't get him to be any more clear than that.

He assured me, eventually, that "he had done all this before", he was just asking me questions hoping to save himself some time "remembering all that stuff", and as a closing question wanted to know "where can I buy diodes?" I told him, well, Radio Shack sells "diodes"... but, um, if what he was trying to do was install a car alarm, he'd probably be better off looking for parts related to that at a car stereo place. His face instantly screwed up like he'd bitten a lemon, and he said "yeah I know Norton [Car Stereo] has that stuff, but I was hoping not to have to deal with them."

I can only fucking imagine what the reactions from the guys at a car electronics place must be like when they deal with this guy... especially the second time he shows up. I am guessing it involves something along the lines of "hey Earl! GET IN HERE, that dude is back! Seriously you gotta fucking hear this shit."

UPDATE: Upon relating this story to a coworker, the coworker said "yeah... he said now that he's 'figured it all out' I should pay him to do one for my car."

do it Do It DO IT
DO IT!!!!1

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

emt-hawk.livejournal.com

what they'll hear is "Gobble gobble, gobble. Boo-yah arblefarble blort."

And stare at him blankly.

--H

jimbojones.livejournal.com

But that's what I heard.

(deleted comment)

tecknow.livejournal.com

My best guess is he wanted to stop some part of the alarm system (the horn?) from triggering in a VERY manual fashion. Bonus points if the nature of the system means there's no way over the wire to differentiate "alarm" triggered honking and road rage honking.

nah, you heard "So, a computer works by having a positive pulse on the wire. What if I want to put a negative pulse out there, to just completely cancel it out. How can I do that?"

Of course, it was in English. I suspec that the guys working at your local audio service center hear less than that.

--Hawk

To be perfectly honest, what I really heard was "WHARRRGARBL".

Actually I was referring to this:

The dude in question was plenty incoherent enough to be a Murloc, but nowhere NEAR angry enough.

goose-entity.livejournal.com

well done... you broke me completely. I couldn't even LOL, all I could achieve was a wheeze that sounded vaguely like laughter, accompanied by spasms of my shoulders the laughter hit me so hard!

:-D

That was my reaction when I first saw that one, too. I was randomly laughing at the memory of it for like a week after. =)

oh, mercy - I just looked at it again and it did the same damn thing ^-^

Have one shiny "win" badge :)

docskurlock.livejournal.com

Oh man. Engineers are just full of things. Not necessarily good things either.

fallconsmate.livejournal.com

i married an engineer. we often have conversations where i insert the phrase "this is another engineering thing that i am not going to have a clue what you are talking about, isnt it?"

he designs jacking rigs and lift systems for offshore drilling rigs. he loves his job. :D

Note that there is a difference between a competent engineer and an engineer that's engineer in title only.

oh absolutely. and i took no offense. i laugh at TheEngineer on a daily basis. :D

and he'd agree with you that an incompetent engineer isnt worth the oxygen s/he's breathing.

I didn't figure you did. I, unfortunately, have to report to an engineer that is incompetent and it sucks. He's an MBA engineer.

hi there! *waves back*

doing good, newly married, new kittyfurface pestering me :D (me and TheEngineer in the icon photo)

congratulations!! the only thing we're trying to get done is get my health issues (neurological) diagnosed and treated now. other than that life is pretty spiffy. :)

OMFG you two get a room... I am getting email notifications for every one of these!

thank you. and to you also!

jokergirl.livejournal.com

Yeah. We are.
But somehow I wonder, they just make anyone an engineer these days... (which kind of shows in the software that some of our customers put out... but they're (mech and electrical) engineers! How hard can mere software be?)

;)

I don't know, how hard CAN mere software be? Some people make it harder than it is, while others are awesome at it.

Wow, they make anyone an engineer? Where can I sign up?