Hammer Time: Part 2

[klytus.livejournal.com]

[Cross-posted to my private LJ]

So I had left a hard drive with the Security Chief over the weekend, hoping maybe he could pull some data from it. Today, he dropped it on my desk, informing me that it was fried.

"So, there's no help for it?" I asked.

He picked up the sledgehammer, "This is about all that can help that drive."

Then he did a double take, and the look on his face said: "Um... why does the Help Desk have a sledgehammer??"

I'm getting a lot of mileage off of this :)

Arg!!!!

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

Me: Ok what we want to do is restart the computer.
Them: But it's already running.
Me: Yes, we want to reset the computer by restarting it.
Them: But it's already running and I'm logged in.
< Head Desk>

YES OR NO?!

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

(I love it when they refer to software as "systems"...)
ebtb: <stale intro>
luser: Yeah, I bought your system last weekend and I'm having a heck of a time trying to installing <insert life story and 10 minute rambling here> and I just got a refund for it....
ebtb: (there have been no questions at this point) ok, so you need assistance with uninstalling it?
luser: well, if you can help with installing it, I would like to, but if not, I just want the damned thing off my computer.
ebtb: well, I see you were just refunded for the software, are you saying that you would like help installing it?
luser: I couldn't get it working, so I tried uninstalling and couldn't and got a refund.
ebtb: right. I see that in the notes... so, what would you like me to assist you with?
luser: Look. Are you gonna help me or not?
ebtb: <mutes the phone and curses> I can't help you until I know what you need help with. You've said that you were refunded and that you couldn't uninstall but that you would like to try to install it. So, what would you like to do?
luser: <long pause>
ebtb: hello, sir? are you there?
luser: well, if you can help me with installing it, fine. if you can't, then I need it uninstalled.
ebtb: <OMFG gimme a straight answer, you fucktard>  Ok. Sir. Yes or no: would you like me to assist you with installing the program?
luser: well... <long pause> I have <competitor's software>, why would I need your's?
ebtb: <r u fucking serious?!> because they have different threat databases, therefore they find and remove different malware.
luser: well, if they do the same thing, then I don't want it.
ebtb: <RAWRTAGAR!> Ok, Fine.  Then I'll help you with uninstalling. Go ahead and open...
luser: <butts in> well, maybe I really don't want your program if you're just gonna let a potential customer go...
ebtb: <WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!> Well, I assumed you had already exhausted all your options in customer service since they gave you a refund. So, I'll ask you again: what. do. you. want?
luser: WELL, I WANT TO GET THIS WORKING BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP ME!
ebtb: then let me send you back up to customer service so you can pay for a subscription so I can help you with installing.
luser: why would i pay for your system when there are free anti-spyware systems available on the internet?
ebtb: </sigh> excellent question. are you using one right now?
luser: yep. I have adaware. but some people recommend you have more than one program... so bought Norton, too
ebtb: ok, well it looks like you're covered then... if there's nothing else I can help you with...
luser: <sarcastically> WELL YOU WEREN'T HELPING ME TO BEGIN WITH! <hangs up>

Why is the Internet down!?

[honig.livejournal.com]

Pretty benign from a general tech support position but frustrating and rage inducing on a Monday morning:

8:05 am CST - Transformer down the street goes all 4th of July sending the 20 buildings on our community college campus into sunlit darkness. Computers go down on desktops. Servers and network (except for the metroE connection that was not plugged into a UPS .... whoops) hold strong. When the power does not come back on in 5 minutes we preempt the automated shutdown routines that start at power outage + 10minutes and start shutting things down manually. We don't have a generator (long stupid story).

8:15 am CST - Luser leaves voice mail - " Hi, this is in the TB5 lab. We were just wondering why the Internet connection was down? We have 65 people in two classes that need the Internet to get to the software package we use. Please get that back on ASAP."

8:40 am CST - Power returns for good and within 15 minutes we have everything back up and running with some minor issues but nothing that cannot be fixed from my desk.

8:55 am CST - I return to my office and see the flashing light and check my message. I muttered under my breath "stupid fucking moron", sighed, stared at the phone in disbelief for a few seconds and before I could stop myself from hitting 3# to delete the message.

I almost ran back to the server room and disconnected their building from the fiber. If you don't weep for our future, maybe you should....