YES OR NO?!

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

(I love it when they refer to software as "systems"...)
ebtb: <stale intro>
luser: Yeah, I bought your system last weekend and I'm having a heck of a time trying to installing <insert life story and 10 minute rambling here> and I just got a refund for it....
ebtb: (there have been no questions at this point) ok, so you need assistance with uninstalling it?
luser: well, if you can help with installing it, I would like to, but if not, I just want the damned thing off my computer.
ebtb: well, I see you were just refunded for the software, are you saying that you would like help installing it?
luser: I couldn't get it working, so I tried uninstalling and couldn't and got a refund.
ebtb: right. I see that in the notes... so, what would you like me to assist you with?
luser: Look. Are you gonna help me or not?
ebtb: <mutes the phone and curses> I can't help you until I know what you need help with. You've said that you were refunded and that you couldn't uninstall but that you would like to try to install it. So, what would you like to do?
luser: <long pause>
ebtb: hello, sir? are you there?
luser: well, if you can help me with installing it, fine. if you can't, then I need it uninstalled.
ebtb: <OMFG gimme a straight answer, you fucktard>  Ok. Sir. Yes or no: would you like me to assist you with installing the program?
luser: well... <long pause> I have <competitor's software>, why would I need your's?
ebtb: <r u fucking serious?!> because they have different threat databases, therefore they find and remove different malware.
luser: well, if they do the same thing, then I don't want it.
ebtb: <RAWRTAGAR!> Ok, Fine.  Then I'll help you with uninstalling. Go ahead and open...
luser: <butts in> well, maybe I really don't want your program if you're just gonna let a potential customer go...
ebtb: <WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!> Well, I assumed you had already exhausted all your options in customer service since they gave you a refund. So, I'll ask you again: what. do. you. want?
luser: WELL, I WANT TO GET THIS WORKING BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP ME!
ebtb: then let me send you back up to customer service so you can pay for a subscription so I can help you with installing.
luser: why would i pay for your system when there are free anti-spyware systems available on the internet?
ebtb: </sigh> excellent question. are you using one right now?
luser: yep. I have adaware. but some people recommend you have more than one program... so bought Norton, too
ebtb: ok, well it looks like you're covered then... if there's nothing else I can help you with...
luser: <sarcastically> WELL YOU WEREN'T HELPING ME TO BEGIN WITH! <hangs up>

Comments

[bamatone.livejournal.com]

BABY MOSES BABY MOSES BABY MOSES!

[bamatone.livejournal.com]

Btw, can I steal your baby moses icon? Where'd you find it?

[major-error.livejournal.com]

people like this need some sort of remote device implanted somewhere in their face, such that when they are being annoying or just plain stupid, their face can be forced to make contact at speed with a nearby hard surface...

[jahbulon.livejournal.com]

Dude, Occam's Razor.

Remove their face and the problem disappears.

[irishmasms.livejournal.com]

another LUser who does not know what they want, but purchased a PC with WinDoz. Should have told them to return & and purchase a Mac - perhaps it would be simple enough for them.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

just cause macs are easy to use doesn't mean stupid people are smart enough to use them.

[darkrose.livejournal.com]

Ahh yes, the "I'm the customer, kiss my ass" game.

It's like they think they're being clever or something.

[kalifla.livejournal.com]

The entire thing's like a vaudeville sketch.

[fixerkitty.livejournal.com]

Actually that *would* be funny if performed, perhaps at the office Christmas party? >:D

[kalifla.livejournal.com]

As long as the person playing ebtb gets to whonk the user on the head with an hammer or something at the end. :D

[kastinkerbell.livejournal.com]

Don't you get it? You were supposed to help him!

[ellyfialy.livejournal.com]

Did ... did he want a sales pitch? Did he want you to convince him to use your product? Did he want to install the program without paying for it? I don't... all I can picture is Peter Griffin saying "Do ... Do I conduct with my penis?"