We're Not Worthy!

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

Oh, the joy. Apparently one of our staff is Much Much More than he looks at first glance....

-- tech email
I have received your new blackberry.  Do you currently have a BB?  If so, who is the carrier?

-- reply to tech
Yes, I am the carrier. I'm at Xxxx...............

Note

[anivair.livejournal.com]

A note to users running off of our linux desktop server:

If you want one stupid wiggling fish in your panel, fine.
If you want dozens and dozens of wiggling fish in your desktop panel, buy your own computer and leave my hardware out of your sickness.

Sincerely,
Admin

PS: "I was just clinkin' on everything to try to fix it" is not only not an excuse, but it's grounds for execution in some places.

Ow, my brain.

[tadiera.livejournal.com]

Just had a customer unable to get online and his state was as follows:

"I open it and then all the b's (bees?) appear and it kicks me out."

No, I couldn't make it any clearer than that.
In fact, it got even more surreal.

I almost cried with relief when he went "I want to find something. If I find it, I'll call back. Bye."

Wow. a remote. i can work with that!

[serena-snape.livejournal.com]

Hi all,
I found this group via Mock the stupid, and couldn't resist adding my wonderful treasures from my job, which is Tech support for DirecTV. while i'm bombarded by idiots all day, most are nice and for the most part, their ignorance is....permissable.
However, this treasure occured yesterday and i couldn't resist passing it along.
The problem, was that the customer was getting a 'blurry black and white screen' troubleshooting was winding down, and it sounded like a problem with the cables. the last step, was moving the Receiver to a working location. i explained, very clearly: Unscrew the satellite in, the out to tv and unplug the power cable and bring it with you. very clearly i stated, bring the receiver, and the power cable. thats it.
very simple.
the following occured after he brought the receiver to a different room.
Me: Okay. So just move all the cables up from the other box. sat in goes into sat in, the cable from out to tv goes into the jack that says out to tv, and just plug in the power cable.
Him:do i use the power cable from the other box?
Me: you didn't bring the power cable with you?
Him: no, why would i? I brought the remote!

(no subject)

[bubosquared.livejournal.com]

Okay. If you're going to call up and act like you know more about technology than a mere peon like me? It would help to know the difference between an address bar and a search engine. Just sayin'. (Why yes, this was an AOL user. HOW DID YOU GUESS?)

They didn't just ask that....

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

It was a tossup - do I post this here or in Mock the Stupid....

A ticket comes into our deskside support queue
-- "...room xxx yyy building. needs beta decks serviced one out of every 4 tapes do not play properly."

I reply
-- "we do not service production video gear. You'll need to have Zzzzzz Engineering take care of this. You should be able to use the *troubleticketsystem* website to make this request"

I just stop for a second when this comes back....
-- "Could you please tell me how I find that website?  I have never contacted them before."

I couldn't help it. It was so hard to not phrase it a little harder though....
-- "Open a web browser and type *troubleticketsystem* into the address bar"

Sometimes I wonder where all my Smart is going... Then I look at the people around us.

(no subject)

[dr-atheist.livejournal.com]

email the first

from $some_supervisor
to #my_team, #some_other_semi_related_team $some_supervisors_minion & several random people
subject: new account on development system

Please give $supervisors_minion an account on the development system, similar to his production account.

email the second (5 minutes later)
reply to all
from $supervisors_minion

Help! I cannot get into $development account.
I tried these details
username: $minions_username
password $minions_password (!!!)

email the third:
reply to all

from $your_friendly_operator

Please never give you your password to anyone. You have just emailed this to potentially up to 20 people. Any of us could now log in as you and anything we did would be accountable to you.
As a result I have expired all your passwords. Please log into all your accounts immediately and change the passwords.
No love, me

email the fourth
from minion
to friendly_operator

sorry about that, I got confused, I've changed my password to $new_password, I hope that's ok

*head meets desk repeat until the voices leave me alone*

(no subject)

[ihateemo.livejournal.com]

I just found out today that our facilities monitoring station (that measures voltage, UPS failover, ambient temperatures in the data centre) is run off net.

Our Power Monitoring Panels are aggregated into three cat5e connections which run under the data centre floor and then - get this - connect to a Linksys hub that is hidden under the floor tiles, which then connects to the monitoring station. This in a facility with several dozen Cisco 6513s!

We're going to migrate it to our main server farm infrastructure and then the Citrix guys are going to work their mojo. But FUCK ME! I actually laughed out loud when I saw that poxy little hub peeking out from underneath piles of cable.

I'm just waiting for management to tell us that migrating this setup presents too great a risk.