...and people wonder why I drink...

[grayhawkfh.livejournal.com]

First ticket of the day: (an exact quote, minus confidential info)

Replace the power circuit on users %network% Client

o-O

Checking the ticket info, I see he emailed in the info:

Good Afternoon Helpdesk,
As you all have an appropriate moment, please just stop by to replace the power circuit on my %network% client. If I am not in my office, please just see my colleagues a, b, or c.

very respectfully, the asstard

Hm. No help there. So I call this luser. What is his problem?

He's having problems archiving his email. Therefore, he feels he doesn't have a large enough network share. He wants to have several gigs. (Avg. share is 25MB)

And no, he doesn't want to try and troubleshoot the actual problem, thankyouverymuch.

Fighting the urge to connect his workstation to building mains power, I advise this clown to put in the appropriate request to the appropriate people. Since they have been on our case about "Customer service" and "Never tell them 'No'", I restrain myself from telling this person that there is a better chance of my getting to be the middle of an Alyson Hannigan/Amber Benson sandwich than there is of his getting One gig of network share, let alone several.

::reaches for Tums::

Please %deity%, let that be the biggest id-10t for the day.

(x-posted to my personal LJ)

Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need to know of hell.

[unsupportedgeek.livejournal.com]

Earlier this week I accepted a position in our Information Security department. This officially ends my 10 year run of technical support/customer support jobs. I did start in humble beginings of Convergys, back before it was even Convergys and I have the shirt to prove it. I am strangely feeling a sense of loss. I may have to deal with the occasional asshat who didn't fill out his user account request correctly, but my customers will mainly be servers admins. June 5th is my official start date. So, right now the count down clock is 11 working days... I've saved some of my favorite calls from this last service desk job to share with you over my last few weeks...

I'm trying to remote control her computer either through NetMeeting or Wndows XP Remote Assistant:

Me: What is your IP address?
Her: 16020515086
Me: Uh, could I get it with the periods?
Her: Oh, sorry, I'm new to this computer thing

How the heck can you be new to "this computer thing"? Know where to find your IP address, but be stupid enough to EDIT OUT THE PERIODS?!?!

Next, when resetting passwords per corporate policy we have to ask a verifications question and get the answers that that people put into the system themselves when they first get hired.

Me: WAVE!
Her: "I'm a network engineer."

In order to reset someones password we have to ask them some verification questions that THEY give us when they are requesting their account. Here is a snippet of the conversation:

Me: What is your dogs name? Your first dog?
Her: Fluffy
Me: No, that is not what is down here. Maybe it's your current dog?
Her: Fluffy
Me: Again, that is not correct. I am not asking for what your password is, I am asking your verification questions.
Her: So many passwords... Fluffy?
Me: Uhm, no, Ma'am. This is not what your password is. This is the verification information that you entered into our system.
Her: Hrm.. So. Many. Passwords. F-L-U-F...
Me: What's your social security number? And DOB?

I ended up using an alternate method of verifying her identify and resetting her password. Oh, joy! I won't miss this.

(no subject)

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

I will never ever ever stop being annoyed when reps tell me, "I need blah blah." You're calling me because you have a problem which you can't fix. You tell me your problem; I'll tell you what you need.

"I need a new laptop."
"OH REALLY. How about you tell me what's going on with your old one and I'll tell you whether you get a new one."

The only thing that irritates me more than "I need" is "You need to." Especially when the "need" can't be filled because of action or inaction on the rep's part.


"I'm having a problem with my Excel add/drop worksheet."
(we do some troubleshooting)
"Sorry, ma'am, it's broken. I'll need to escalate this up to level 2 so they can either do some advanced troubleshooting or send you a new copy of the worksheet."
"But it's due tomorrow morning! They need to fix it tonight!"
(RED LIGHTS FLASHING, biting back rage)
"I'm sorry. They've been closed for two and a half hours. There's nobody in that office."
(Unspoken: Reap what you sow, you lazy bitch. You're good and fucked, and I'm glad you are. Maybe now you'll do assigned shit when you GET it, and not two weeks later at the last possible minute, after business hours.)

On the PLUS side of the day, today Helpdesk got the first review unit for the new tablet PCs that the reps will be getting starting at the end of the summer. Hot damn, they're shiny. IBM ThinkPad X41s, only with three times the stock amount of RAM. That's right, a gig and a half of RAM. These reps better not complain that these new machines are slow.

I stole the first test unit from the day shift team lead and didn't offer it back. An hour later: "Hey Kiz, you still have that tablet?" *shifty glances* "Uh... yeah, but I'm running on battery. Gimme the docking station?" "Uh.... okay. While you're at it, tell me how it detects the docking station hard drive?"

I've had it ever since, for the past five hours. Told him that if he'd just nicely leave it at my desk, by Monday I'd be the system expert.