(no subject)

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

I will never ever ever stop being annoyed when reps tell me, "I need blah blah." You're calling me because you have a problem which you can't fix. You tell me your problem; I'll tell you what you need.

"I need a new laptop."
"OH REALLY. How about you tell me what's going on with your old one and I'll tell you whether you get a new one."

The only thing that irritates me more than "I need" is "You need to." Especially when the "need" can't be filled because of action or inaction on the rep's part.


"I'm having a problem with my Excel add/drop worksheet."
(we do some troubleshooting)
"Sorry, ma'am, it's broken. I'll need to escalate this up to level 2 so they can either do some advanced troubleshooting or send you a new copy of the worksheet."
"But it's due tomorrow morning! They need to fix it tonight!"
(RED LIGHTS FLASHING, biting back rage)
"I'm sorry. They've been closed for two and a half hours. There's nobody in that office."
(Unspoken: Reap what you sow, you lazy bitch. You're good and fucked, and I'm glad you are. Maybe now you'll do assigned shit when you GET it, and not two weeks later at the last possible minute, after business hours.)

On the PLUS side of the day, today Helpdesk got the first review unit for the new tablet PCs that the reps will be getting starting at the end of the summer. Hot damn, they're shiny. IBM ThinkPad X41s, only with three times the stock amount of RAM. That's right, a gig and a half of RAM. These reps better not complain that these new machines are slow.

I stole the first test unit from the day shift team lead and didn't offer it back. An hour later: "Hey Kiz, you still have that tablet?" *shifty glances* "Uh... yeah, but I'm running on battery. Gimme the docking station?" "Uh.... okay. While you're at it, tell me how it detects the docking station hard drive?"

I've had it ever since, for the past five hours. Told him that if he'd just nicely leave it at my desk, by Monday I'd be the system expert.

Comments

[ghostdandp.livejournal.com]

Ugh. If the laptop that used to be given to the reps was a HP tablet, then I think I supported one of your reps today.

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

Nope. Old unit is a Dell Latitude C610, not a tablet at all. Normal laptop.

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

on a 610 right now... fair unit. a little cursed, but fair.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

What they NEED is a boot in the ass. What they WANT is irrelevant. What they're going to GET is no new PC :)

[celyste.livejournal.com]

Gods... I hate the "I need/You have to" calls. Our company's all about "affirmation" and sucking up so we're supposed to answer along the lines of "Certainly I can do that for you! / You've definitely called the right place for that!" kind of shit. Sadly, the customers so seldom know what's happened or how to fix it, I just can't lie to them that way right off the start. I'm sure I'll be fired someday soon... right as soon as they can figure out that my answers work best because customers appreciate some truth.

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

Those places annoy the shit out of me.

When I'm calling up my ISP or my cellular provider with a question, I don't want to hear "My badge number is 12345 and I will be happy to assist you today!" in the worst forced-perky voice ever. I want to hear "Yo man, I'm Jeff. Sup? ... you need your account balance? Cool, I'll grab that, hold up a second."

I want to feel like I'm talking to a real human being, not a mindless corporate drone.

[celyste.livejournal.com]

hehe... Happily, our company has a few of the "Yo man!" reps still. They can't figure out how to fire us when our stats are so good *L*.

Almost sorry to say that my normal voice is in that overly perky - sex line kinda sound *L*. I keep getting told I sound like the automated system when I babble my opening script.