Translate, please

[tertiumquid.livejournal.com]

Saw this in a new ticket just a few minutes ago:

Prob. Description:
The customer states: what extract calendar detail in the configuration setting is?

no, sorry, never heard of it.

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

Student: "Do any of you know anything about Microsoft Word?"

He proceeded to talk about the program like he had just discovered it, mentioning the program name often and using the vaguest terms possible.

Seriously, it was pretty surreal.

Do my job for me, please?

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Twice today, I've had users call in, wanting to know what business accounts they should request for themselves. What am I, Kreskin? Ooh! Here's a clue; ASK YOUR BOSS! Oh, you don't like that answer? CALL THE BUSINESS OFFICE! I don't call you up, asking what type of cable to use to hook up a printer, do I? I don't ask you to do my job and you will not ask me to do yours, 'k?

Almost as bad as the user who asked what account numbers she should enter into some spread sheet she was putting together for some business proposal. Her excuse for calling tech support?; "Well, it's using Excel, on a computer..."

Guess what, AIRPLANES use computers but pilots don't call me up front from my sardine crammed ass in coach and show them how to fly the PLANE!

Gah! Khaaaaaaaaaaan!

And this just in; another brain dead user just had me talk them through a web form, culminating with:

Me: "Click on the submit button at bottom of page."

User: "Where's the button?"

Me: The submit button's at the bottom of the page."

User: I don't see it. There's a Submit Request button at the bottom of the page..."


Aaaaaaaagh!

/*, thump (head exploded, body flipped backwards out of chair)

We're just like Abu Ghraib?!

[trayce.livejournal.com]

We work with a lot of Middle Eastern customers. I will pass no judgement on how that goes - some of the resellers are polite and really cool.

( ...and some of them are completely nuts )

Buggy Computers - literally

[gythiawulfie.livejournal.com]

I don't post here often, but this is just one of the odd things working where I work.

I work for an environmental education center, and one of our two locations is located on the eastern edge of the Everglades, well actually 4 miles INTO it. This is our Conservation Youth Camp. They have been having problems with the tower based computer out there (the two main employees now have laptops for very goooood reasons) and so I had them bring it in. I fear the worse for this machine, but, knowing the area well, the first thing I do?

De-bug. I don't mean, de-bug the software, I mean de-bug as in, crack open the case and remove the dead bugs. (You'd be surprised at how all of a sudden it cleans up annoying issues.)

Todays score reads as thus:

1- dead wolf spider, small in size
1 - dead palmetto bug
13 - dead termites
1- dead beetle.

I just cleaned it out this time last year.

Tomorrow, I will crank it up, and work on it on the software side.

So, that is a day in the life of the ONLY computer tech for these to branches. (I wonder what the guys at the university would have done if I put in a request for them to clean it up, which they would mind you, hahahahaha.)

cross posted to personal journal

I hate people.

[spacebird.livejournal.com]

CU: [reading the instructions aloud] "Password must be 6 to 18 characters and consist of the letters A through Z or numbers 0 through 9... okay...."
ME: "Right, so you just need to create a password."
CU: "Okay."

[Cu spends 8 or 9 minutes deciding and typing a password]

CU: "Okay, it says re-enter password. Do I re-enter it or can I just click next?"
ME: "Uh, yeah, you need to re-enter it. Then click next."
CU: "Well that's stupid."

[2 or 3 minutes pass]

CU: "It says my password isn't long enough."
ME: "How long was it?"
CU: "Four letters."
ME: "It needs to be six or more."
CU: "Well how the hell was I supposed to know that?"


Just FYI, creating a username and password is step 2 of registration. The first step is accepting the member agreement. By the time she got the password in there, I'd been on the phone for 38 minutes. By the end of the call, she'd even yelled at me saying "I didn't create no damn password!"

I hate people.

Hurry up and wait! This is of the utmost casual urgency!

[klytus.livejournal.com]

(Cross-posted to my klytus LJ)

A client calls me yesterday (Wednesday) because his laptop is blue-screening: kernel errors, cannot find the drive, cannot find the O/S ... in other words, he's screwed like a $2 dollar whore in a frat house. No remedy but to have him send us the laptop so we can replace the hard drive and attempt to recover his data. He goes on and on about how important it is that his data be saved, that he's out of work without his computer, he's a director or some such high-up mucketty-muck, the whole nine yards. I give him the shipping address so he can send it to me. Because he made such a big deal of things, and because the computer is still under warranty, and because I believe in quick turn-around no matter how "important" you are, I call Dell and verbally bitch-slap the techs into believing me that I'm a tech, that I know the drive is dead, and to just shut up and send me a replacement. This way, I will get the laptop and replacement drive the same day, and if all goes well, he'll get a working computer (which may or may not have his data) on Friday. I even sent the client an e-mail (he still had other ways to get to e-mail) informing him of all this. He even thanked me for the extra effort.

And after all of that? I get an e-mail from him today that he just now got the box so he can FedEx the laptop to me... and that I can expect to have it on MONDAY.

Oh yeah... a real crisis we have here.

Maybe next week, he'll call 9-1-1 for his hangnail.

Idiot.

i have to share this work related moment with the lot of you.

[valiskeogh.livejournal.com]

(X-posted from my journal, it regards ibm/lenovo tech support, thought you guys might like a look)

here's the story. Eric at work struggles for hours with a particular computer and it's strange problems.
he FINALLY finds the solution to the problem, a particular part is bad and needs to be replaced. now, at first it would seem that this is a somewhat trivial part, but it's exceptionally annoying. in truth, we could have found a replacement quite easily, or ran to the store and bought one.
HOWEVER, eric is beyond annoyed at this computer by this time, so he pulls the part out, calls ibm/lenovo cause the computer is under warranty, and tells them to send us a replacement part ASAP.

the next day, we get THIS package in the mail, rush shipped of course:

that's my large (i refuse to call it whatever starbucks calls it) coffee (w/ two shots of espresso) for size comparison.
i proceed to open the box...


aha... packing materials...

the box opening process continues... ( behind the cut...  )