words are your friend

[anivair.livejournal.com]

I just walk out to help with "computer problems". One of my users is staring at her computer screen. it's the first time she's running ssh and it's asking her if she wants to add the host to her known_hosts file. She is propmpted to type "yes" or "no" and there's a colon and a blinking cursor and everything.

Benefit of the doubt, "Type yes."

She types Y and hits enter.

She is then prompted. "Please type either 'yes' or 'no'."

She types Y and hits enter.

"No . . . you really need to type yes like a big girl."

After one more Y and enter she gets it. I don't think I've ever seen that go so long.

i HATE sales tools... i hate tech-support tools.. i hate... ARGL!!!!

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

Tech-Support tool:
Web based! (i think that says everything already ?)
you write the error describtion EXTREME detailed, "submit"... error on page. "submit" error on page, "NO! i dont want to reload!!! *sighs*" *reload* "please insert error describtion" *cries*

Sales tool:
the adress is:
"name"
"street"
"post-code: 80032"
"city"
insert informations *submit* next screen: insert email *submit* -> next screen: insert phone number *submit*, insert base-adress +submit+ insert bill adress *submit* (no! cut'n paste is NOT possible inside that program. every time you have to type the WHOLE STUFF BY HAND!!!) *submit* insert shipping adress (*grrrr* still the SAME adress! still not able to cutn'paste) "submit"

send offer ->
Customer: oh. the post-code is 80023. not ..32!
me: well, ok. i'll edit that
.....
uh oh... its not possible to edit ??? *wonder* *try again*
ITS NOT POSSIBLE TO EDIT ??!!!! *FUCK!!*

alright. lets start ALL OVER again and insert ALL these informations by hand again. *whines*

(no subject)

[sketchydave.livejournal.com]

( Other users misfortune have become my gain. )

/headdesk

[freakyhipchick.livejournal.com]

Bad night...actually bad week, i have had just about every drunk, insane and retarded customer that has called...

Last night this happened to me on three seperate occasions when trying to get a customer to view a webpage:

Me: "Could you left click into the address bar please?
Them: "How do i do that?

WTF!??

High-Tech VS Low-Tech

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

or: "The evil book that destroyed the notebook LCD" ;)
or: "Stupid users who let a book fall down onto their notebook"

Irony is dead.

[thatvoiceguy.livejournal.com]

Email from end user:

"Please create a ticket stating that I am unable to send an email. Error msg. 'operation failed'"


...

*blink blink*

(no subject)

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

The PAco,
Workin' the OH-tee.
Cause he needs the MO-ney.
Or he can't afford to Liiiive.

Sucks.

---

So basically my job at 4pm turns into "Tech Hunt", where everyone who was supposed to get a field tech come out and didn't calls in. I get to consult charts, look at stars, make calls, and basically clean up after a huge business grinding along over it's customer base. As with any mega business, the cracks in the system are many, and more than a few are wide. People fall through. While this caller base is about %10 of the %15 who actually call tech support, that's still a bunch of people, in a row, who've been gangbanged by the fates.

Unfortunately for the customers, they've been fed so much propaganda bullshit that they actually begin to BELIEVE that they are truly valued and loved customers, known on a first name basis by all, and given star treatment. Couple this with the typical American mentalities of "the squeeky wheel gets the grease" and "I'm the customer! I'm ENTITLED to what I want!", and you get calls that are the entire REASON I pushed so hard to get off of post-4pm call schedules. While I agree that the customer shouldn't get pounded like an inflatable toy on Survivor Island, I don't agree with their idea in the SLIGHTEST that taking it out on me or arguing continuously with me while I'm trying my best to Buzz Lightyear myself for them (To Infinty and Beyond!) is a good idea.

I really wish they'd just let me use one phrase, just one.
"Sir/Ma'am, I'm working hard to get you fixed and I have or will shortly have the answer. To assist you as quickly as possible I need you to please SHUT UP, and I will tell you how best to help me help you."

---

( A host of 'answers' )

---

Now all I have to do is convince the other techs to A) grow spines, B) grow brains, C) use them in conjunction, and D) keep them on but their mouths OFF when they call in to me because E) I have more of both, or I can fake it a hell of a lot better."

customer wants a man

[prozacnation.livejournal.com]

This takes the cake.

I spoke with this customer in a chat format tonight.

he had slow speeds and his modem levels were off which indicated that a tech needs to come out for an appointment.

I notated the account with this.

Signal to Noise 28.2 dB yellow
Modem Tx Level 47.5 dBmV green
Modem Rx Level -19.6 dBmV red
Cable Modem Resets 281

I told him I would set up an appointment he then stated this:

Luser> no they arer not allowed in my house

Luser> they will not touch my computer

Luser> i just need new modem

I told him a new modem will not fix the issue - his levels were off.

He argued that we mailed him a new modem before - we may have for a docsis 2.0 swap. To which he stated: Luser> do not play games with me

He then wanted to cancel and I gave him the phone number b/c we cannot cancel from our end.

I was watching this account when he called back and got a female rep. Her notes were as follows:

vfy cx
vfy billing
sp w/Luser
cx wants a man,
[man's name] will call him back.
Status changed to Closed

The drama is still unfolding with this luser as he called back in again, and then two minutes later the supe opened up a reference number.

But I think I got why he was giving me such a hard time regarding his issue with women.

He called and got a male rep and the male supe called him back. ::rolls eyes::

ETA: Supe called him back and this was interesting from the notes:

customer has some sensitive business materials in the house for a project and he is not allow anyone to see them

he will let someone in down in the basement, but not where the modem is

he is willing to replace the cable from outside to the modem if necesary

if it is good outside, and the cable does not fix it then he is right it probably is the modem and we should replace that


supe's notes really didn't make much sense at times.

Supe gave him his direct line for any other issues

The issue was assigned to a higher team. Why I don't know since it's obvious the levels are bad and he needs a tech.

Words cannot begin to describe...

[major-error.livejournal.com]

How does one adequately express their immense displeasure at an unsuccessful hardware upgrade?

I've been slowly upgrading all my older systems to max out CPU & memory; everything was all fine & good until I got to my fileserver...
Old Supermicro P6DBE rev2 board (dual-proc P II/III) currently running @ 2x450MHz w/ 650Mb.

I read the manual (gasp!)
It can go up to 1GHz/100MHz FSB PIII w/1GB ram
Consult intel site for appropriate CPU model, then pricegrabber; order mem/cpus from Co. that has more than one in stock.

Package arrives on appointed day, delivery man even shows up early with the shiny newness! Manage to get through remainder of workday without becoming a jittery, excited mess...

Arrive home, shutdown system, take safe route: swap memory first. Power back on?

whirring fans....but no beep(s).

same result w/ old mem & new CPUs.
BIOS flashed, no change.

Email supermicro stating manual is a load of bollocks... (in nicest possible way :)
response: "If your processor is 133mhz FSB speed then it will not support."

duh! I said I read the manual, where that bit was clearly stated!

A one-sided phone call...

[celyste.livejournal.com]

What do you mean, "When is the technician coming back?" Why does he have to go back, he was just replacing a decertified modem?

Ok... so... He said your computer was out of date and needed to be updated. I'm with you so far. I see on the file it's win98 first ed. I'm a bit amazed it works on our network to begin with. But please continue on the 'when is he returning' bit.

YOU let him TAKE your computer?!?!?! HE said he was going to UPDATE it? Sir, we don't fix computers, we deal in internet and modems.

Do you mind holding for just a minute while I try and track him down? You don't happen to have his name and id number with you, do you? Oh... he didn't give it to you. Of course not. One moment please.

- how does one allow someone you don't know to take your precious lifeline to the world and not even take down even a fake phone number? I was shocked to say the least.