To a safe workplace...

[major-error.livejournal.com]

So I havd a brainwave only a few days back involving workplace safety signs and how they *could* be entertaining...
As of just a little while ago, I have completed a nice little tool that will make them just that ;)

Enjoy!

open letter to technical consumers:

[xanthrant.livejournal.com]

No offense people, but why the fuck do you get routers when you don't know WHY you need one??? I'm actually getting quite tired of incessant stupidity with products. We Americans have this problem with thinking we deserve service for EVERYTHING. Just because a company offers free tech support, doesn't mean they're offering free setup service. That's on you. Don't be a cheap bastard and not pay some professional to come out and set it up for you. Frankly, I'm tired of people thinking I talk "too techy" when I'm explaining how to ping their router. That's what I am, cracker jackasshat!! I'm a tech!! I'm SUPPOSED to be "too techy"...that's like asking a doctor to be less of a doctor....man, humans suck!!

(no subject)

[spaz-own-joo.livejournal.com]

EU: "WHY WON'T MY INTERNET WORK???"

TS: *MUTE* "Because you touch yourself at night." *UNMUTE* "Well, what lights are lit on your cable modem?"

Non sequitur

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

Me: "Thank you for calling the <client> helpdesk at <company>, my name is <Kizayaen>, can I have your customer number? ... Jeff? Okay, what can I do for you?"

Client: "Hi, yeah, it's still missing."

*frantic clicking through 'Other Cases Reported by User', looking for open support tickets*

Me: "Your... uh... what is it that's still missing?"

Client: "My file bar."

*digs up three week old case for missing icons from a toolbar in a particular program*

Me: "Your file bar?" *frantically scans some of the most amazingly poorly written case notes I've ever seen* "You mean you're.. uh... still missing the.. menu bar, was it? ...from your Business Objects?"

Client: "Yeah."

Thank god for my psychic powers of Case History. I'd never be able to do my job without 'em. I never knew when I took this job that so much magic would be involved. I'm asked to use it on a daily basis. You know, like when somebody calls me up to ask if they have a specific lot number in their inventory. Excuse me? I haven't checked through your closet lately, why don't you tell me what lot numbers you have? You're the one that has them. Or better yet...

Me: "How can I help you?"

Client: "Yeah, I can't get my PDA to connect to my laptop."

*20 minutes of troubleshooting*

Me: "Okay. Are you connected using the grey USB cable, or the black serial cable?"

Client: "The grey one."

Me: "Do you have a black serial cable?"

Client: "Yeah, that's about the only way I can connect anymore."

Me: "Oh, I see. You wanted me to use my magic to fix your bad USB cable. My mistake; I would have known this already but my psychic powers are out today. Next time, just in case they're still out, would you mind just telling me at the beginning, 'I'm trying to connect my laptop to my PDA with a cable I know is broken; can you help me?'"

Erm, no?

[sacredlyprofane.livejournal.com]

We have a contract that covers if you drop your portable.
Customer rings, says has sat on computer, we replace it.
He then claims that our tech stole a gig of ram, we replace it.
He rings again, claims that he dropped the computer, and its in a million pieces.
I tell him to send it to us, and if we determine the damage was accidental, we'll replace it.
Customer flips.

Sound like a con artist to anyone else?

Best bit was when he asked if I knew who he was, and I told him I didn't really care. He then said he'd have my job, and I replied "Have it."

On Call

[klytus.livejournal.com]

So I get this great new job, right? I'm doing mor ewhands-on tech support than just talking to folks on the phone - which I still do, BTW. Anyway, my 4th week on the job, I get to be the "on call" guy. You know, the one who gets calls after hours when the manure hits the windmil? Well the other guys on the desk led me to believe it was fairly light duty.

Liars.

I thnk there were two night last week where I did NOT get a call after hours. On Saturday, I get a call at 6:45 AM. And today (Sunday) my phone started ringing at 8am and only stopped sometime around 7pm. Some kind of server/power outage at HQ. No, I didn;t have to go into work, but I needed to call the folks who did, and then all the other calls and pages from the folks who couldn;t get work done. Yep - there are THAT many people in our company trying to get work done on a SUNDAY.

What have I gotten myself into?

At least I'm only on-call for a week at a time - and my next turn isn't for another 4 weeks.