(no subject)

[linguafranca.livejournal.com]

Just a little thing that bugs me.



Dear Customer,

When you call me to get your IP address, a list of email addresses you have, a dialup number in Fuckahoochie, Wyoming, and I start to tell you, PLEASE don't stop me and say you have to find a pencil. You called me with the knowledge that you would have to write down something.

Smileys,
Your friendly tech

Busted Firewall?

[255-255-255-0.livejournal.com]

It started early this morning:

User: The firewall is broken.
me: Oh, is your internet not working?
User: no it's fine, but I just got some junk mail.

They do say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

interested in working for congress?

[belovedcrown.livejournal.com]

IT/Systems Administrator

Reply to: info@housecallit.com
Date: 2005-06-01, 2:40AM EDT


HouseCall, LLC is the largest Systems Administrator provider for the U.S. House of Representatives, our customer service is unsurpassed, and cannot be counterfeited.

A qualified applicant will need to be able to multi-task duties as well as prioritize according to customer needs and schedules. All applicants should be self-starters, highly motivated, and eager to contribute to the well being of the organization while operating in a fast-paced environment. We serve Members of Congress and their staff as they serve their constituencies.

This position is NOT a desk job. HouseCall employees will be expected to interact with clients on a daily basis in various capacities. Professionalism and courteousness are expected.

A qualified applicant must be skilled in PC and network troubleshooting. In addition, proficiency in Blackberry installations, web development, and data base management will be considered a plus. HouseCall does provide technical training in several areas; however, our principal requirement is that every applicant be proficient in computer and network troubleshooting.

Excellent verbal/written communication skills are required. 'Above and beyond' customer service is the most important qualification.

Benefits include: 401K, PPO healthcare, paid vacation, etc. This is not contract -award-required, but a fulltime position. Our benefits and quality of work are unmatched in the IT services industry supporting the U.S. House of Representatives.

If you are interested and qualified for this position, please e-mail your resume to info@housecallit.com

Job location is Captiol Hill
Compensation: Benefits include: 401K, PPO healthcare, paid vacation, etc. This is not contract-award-required, but a fulltime position. Our benefits and quality of work are unmatched in the IT services industry supporting the U.S. House of Representatives.
no -- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
yes -- Phone calls about this job are ok.
yes -- You may contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
yes -- Reposting this message elsewhere is OK.
yes -- OK to repost to Job Developers for Persons with Disabilities.
yes -- ok to transmit this posting into outer space

People like you make the internet suck

[harry-whodunnit.livejournal.com]

Why do customers try their damnedest to stop me making their problems go away? Is it a form of masochism that somehow has to involve me suffering as well? Here are some notes from the last ticket I logged:

* usb adsl modem giving error 678
* caller very unhappy about the way her last call was handled - advised that complaints can be made via customer service - doesn't want to be transferred
* difficult to troubleshoot - caller is being extremely unco-operative and passive-aggressive - i believe she's deliberately sabotaging my attempt to help her
* caller would like me to hold while she makes herself some lunch - advised i won't
* caller now advises she put her son into daycare for the morning so she could take care of this problem and wants us to pay for it - advised her it's not going to happen
* advised caller to have it looked at by a pc tech

The customer's parting words to me were "But that'll cost heaps of money!" That's right, bitch. You've had your fun, now you cover the check.

Voice Mails

[oh-kevin.livejournal.com]

Alright... a back story..

I work for a GPS company, and I sometimes get tech calls transfered directly to me from customer care instead of transferring them to the tech pool.

Well my extension doesn't have the on hold, they go straight to voice mail if i'm on another call or DND. But they don't pay attention apparently to the message on my VM that says "Hi thanks for calling, i'm not available, yadda yadda yadda...'


Here are some of the voice mails i have received (short mp3 clips), the first one is by far my favorite...

http://www.andvoila.com/kevin/mp3/voicemail/Kathrine%20Speak%20to%20me.mp3
(after about 20 minutes you hear him start crunching on something, i wonder what it was... what a bad father!)

http://www.andvoila.com/kevin/mp3/voicemail/waboc.mp3
(everytime something goes wrong, we now use the phrase 'what a bunch of crap')

http://www.andvoila.com/kevin/mp3/voicemail/installing%20cd.mp3
(i still don't know what happened here...)

http://www.andvoila.com/kevin/mp3/voicemail/jc.mp3
(ok buddy)

http://www.andvoila.com/kevin/mp3/voicemail/Hello%20X3.mp3
(hello?)

(no subject)

[255-255-255-0.livejournal.com]

OK it just happened again! Can you believe it by the SAME person as the watch!!!
I know it would be more appropriate to update the watch post but I truly believe that this one deserves a medal for being so stupid twice in two days. I want people to see this one.


Them: Hi, do you know what this is?
(Handing me a small metal object)

Me: Errmmmmm ……(it took me a couple of seconds to recognise it.)Yes, it’s the latch from the back of the toilet door.

Them: Oh! I found it on the floor in the toilet cubicle, I thought it might have been something to do with a computer.

Comment: WTF is this guy on?

Poll: Reducing password calls?

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

[Poll #504191]

(no subject)

[guinevere33.livejournal.com]

Today was a great day. I've been helping my parents with their computer woes for years. My mom is fine on specific functions and programs she uses a lot, but just doesn't understand the way the whole thing works. Which is why I was floored when our internet flaked out - and she POWER-CYCLED THE CABLE MODEM. All by herself. And it worked. She figured it out before I did!

I'm still sort of speechless.

Something in the air today.

[mjkauffman.livejournal.com]

Almost every single person who called me today was a complete and total idiot. Most days it's not so bad, but today... just call after call.

Oh, your Internet-based program isn't working? And the Internet happens to be down at the same time? Just a suggestion, maybe the two are related. Repeat, six seven times in a row. Well, maybe the DSL went out all across the US all at the same time, I still can't help you.

And the kinds of people who, when you're trying to walk them through something, think they can "get ahead" of you and start clicking on all sorts of random things and end up somewhere totally different than where they need to be, then don't have the simple brain capacity tell you what's on their screen and you have to start all over.

The really frustrating thing is that I can't even explain some of the stupidity to you guys very well, because I'd have to explain the software we support first. Suffice it to say that it was the equivalent of calling up Microsoft support and saying, "Yeah, I don't like sending my email through Outlook or Outlook Express. Can't you make it so I can send email through MS Paint?"