May. 11th, 2005

[identity profile] crankyholly.livejournal.com
Me: Thanks for calling. What do you want?

Cust: I haven't been able to get on the internet for several days.

Me: Sorry 'bout that. What's the modem doing?

Cust: It only has the top two lights on.

Me: Did anything unusual happen at the time time it quit working?

Cust: Well, we had a house fire. Could that have messed things up?
[identity profile] valiskeogh.livejournal.com
here is a little something i wrote yesterday, presented here for discussion:

Calling all virus writers, please prepare for armageddon!

i do believe it’s PAST time to go back to the good old days of virus writing. and i’m hoping that SOME of you miscreants out there here this, and get to work.

BACK IN THE DAY, viruses were BAD things. i mean really bad things. they were designed to bring your computer to it’s knees, disable it, destroy the OS, FORCE a format and reinstall, and basically shut you down for a day at least.
they corrupted files, deleted system files, and even destroyed the BIOS turning your computer really into a very large paperweight. OH HOW I LONG FOR THOSE DAYS!!!!

let me explain to you WHY i long for those days.
THESE days viruses have a completely different purpose all together. they dont destroy computers, they USE them. use them to propagate more viruses, use them to turn the computer into a spam gateway, and turn the computer into a little virus factory spewing out more viruses, as well as REAMS of spam messages.

and lemme tell ya, people are no more computer literate today than they were 15 years ago. back when i was all about DOS and BASIC, i knew those people who didn’t have a CLUE what to do when they sat at a computer, and GUESS WHAT? those same people STILL haven’t a clue.
PROBLEM IS, that your basic computer back THEN was 2000.00- 3000.00 dollars. people who had them, KNEW what they were doing with them. NOT SO TODAY.
TODAY any tom dick or harry can run down to walmart, pick up a computer for a few hundred dollars, take it home, jump online in 10 minutes, and in 20 minutes become infected and start to pump out the spam. it’s happening all over. some of the more successful viruses are ones that use PASSWORD PROTECTED zip files. yes, a user must save the zip file, open it, put in the password, and run the executable to infect themselves. THEY STILL DO THIS.
if you are THAT determined to infect yourself, then really, you DESERVE what you get.

so this is my challenge to you virus writers out there. GO BACK TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS!!! make viruses that DESTROY the computer they infect!! PLEASE!!!

why? to STOP these stupid people from getting the viruses that will just turn them into little spam factories of course!

face it, if you infect yourself with a virus in a zip file, you really will double click on ANYTHING now wont you?
think of the GOOD that this can do! think of all those IDIOTS out there, with no firewalls, no antivirus. think of them pumping out spam for some russian conglomerate. then think of them opening YOUR virus, the GOOD OLD DAYS virus. your virus uses it’s own little smtp engine, sends out several thousand copies of itself to the people in their address book, cause chances are, their friends are just as daft as they are. then after 2-3 days or so of this, DESTROY THE COMPUTER. delete com files, delete executables, delete dll files, hell freaking format the machine while you are at it.

boom, that little spam factory is disabled!! spam levels decrease!
AND BETTER YET, the computer user is now AWARE of the danger of viruses. sure they will have to shell out a few bucks to have some tech come over and format and reinstall the OS, but MAYBE, just MAYBE they will be a BIT more aware of what they click on in the future.

trust me, you’ll be doing the WORLD a great service. if isp’s aren’t going to do anything to stop these zombie computers, maybe a “benevolent” virus writer can.

valis
http://www.helpdeskhell.com
http://www.jackosuicidewatch.com
http://www.valissoft.com
[identity profile] devjannz.livejournal.com
Our division supervisor can be such a ditz at times. She has been in a micro-management mood for the last couple of weeks and has started calling us with trouble tickets for the systems that her support staff use because she does not like the way that thay have set it up for use. ?!?!?!?!?WHAT!?!?!?!?!?

She thinks one woman's machine is too slow and told us that she thinks that the problem is the Mouse Pad that she is using. *crickets chirping* (Actually, the system is slow because she has 3 sessions of MS Word, 2 sessions of MS Excel and Outlook all running at the same time).

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SMOKING LADY!?!?!?!?!!!

Oh the lovely world of end user support. Got to love it.
[identity profile] harry-whodunnit.livejournal.com
There is one first-level guy I've completely had it with. Every time he calls second level, the conversation goes like this:

Him: "The customer is experiencing (blah) and I don't know what to do."
Me: "Sounds like (A) so do (B)."
Him: "I think it's (X)."
Me: "Nah, if it was (X), you'd be seeing (Y)."
Him: "But what about (SOMETHING COMPLETELY UNRELATED)?"
Me: "Doesn't apply. Do (B)."
Him: "I still think it's (X)."
Me: "If it was (X), then there'd be (Y), okay?"
Him: "I still think it's (X)."
Me: (sigh) "Fine, troubleshoot (X)."
Him: "But what if it's not?"

AAAAAAAARGH

And he's actually close enough for me to reach out and slap him. Must... control... fist of death...

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