call me mischevious, call me a bitch

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

But sometimes, I just want to give people horribly wrong answers, particularly to less serious questions such as inquiries about staplers and printing costs.
No, we have no staplers. Printing is $0.50/page. If you leave your lab computer unattended, we will donate your possessions to Goodwill.

Okay, maybe that last part is true, or should be.

Comments

[usekh.livejournal.com]

I have always, always wanted to say "No sir I am afraid that you cannot delete the history in your web browser. It is a permanent record of every site you have been been to, and totaly available to your girlfriend/wife/mother"

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAYES!

[ex-deliveryboy.livejournal.com]

I haven't told anyone they couldn't delete it, but I had a call when a husband and wife called up and they were on speakerphone, bitching about spam and porn in their email. Dear old hubby kept spouting off, so I took them into the history and cookies. Wife was like "I don't understand how these got in here, there are only two of us here. These are so disgusting, etc etc"

Not a peep from hubby at this point.

[insomnius.livejournal.com]

What's a stapler?

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

for a while we called ourselves Stapler User Services because that seemed like the only support we gave.

[insomnius.livejournal.com]

Heh. We have a display for our queue of calls ... when it's empty it says No Callers. "No Callers" has become something of an unofficial motto.

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

"No callers" is an amazing state to be in.

[valiskeogh.livejournal.com]

i was, honest to god, actually asked once on an internet tech support phone call "when i send an email to someone who's out of state, is that a long distance charge on my phone bill?"

... it took me 10... long... seconds... to answer...

sssssssssssooooooo tempting...

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

also, part of you is wondering if the person actually meant to ask such a goddamn stupid question!

[valiskeogh.livejournal.com]

nope... sadly no question there... they meant it...

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

oh man.

[omg-teh-funnay.livejournal.com]

I've told callers all sorts of stuff. One lady responded to my comment of "Well, I can fix it, But I need duct tape, a carbattery and a butter knife" with "Gimme 10 minutes"

My favorite question is "What does it mean when..."

I always say "It means you're going to die."

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

haha nice.

I did tell a thesising senior that she was fucked. Mere days before theses were due, even.

But she was a friend and knew my tendency to say horrible things.

[network-nerd.livejournal.com]

What irks me is people who open with "I have a question", and wait for me to respond.

My preferred response is "I have an answer. Let's find out if they match!"

[downloadjunkie.livejournal.com]

I enjoy the people that say "Can I ask you a question?"

I like saying:
"You just did, and sorry you only get one a day, please come back tomorrow"