Sometimes you can just know.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

Sometimes you can just tell that the caller is going to be a little slow (and by a little slow I mean they have a problem with blinking and breathing at the same time, never mind right clicking) before you even get to the aol email address. With some callers I can tell before they finish giving me their phone number (the first thing I ask for before I even have their name).

How fast can you tell when your caller is a mouth breathing fish for brains moron?

Comments

[ihateemo.livejournal.com]

When I ask for their username and they say:

a) "Sure, my username is $WHATEVER"
b) "Is that my e-mail address?"
c) "Whut's that?"

I have a sixth sense about people. I can usually figure them out pretty quickly. Which is helpful when your job involves idiots.

[twitchfetish.livejournal.com]

usually when they say one of 2 things:

1) umm..hurro? my tingpah no workee. you fix? (i know this could be construed as racist. believe me it's not. one of my best mates is asian. but basically where i used to work, just about every chinese we got was an exchange student living in NZ (i'm in aus) and couldn't speak a word of english, and didn't even know what an "on" button was)

or

2) i opened with "Welcome to *CTSNBN* Technical Support. Can I start with your name please?" and they answered with "umm...is this technical support?" or "is this *CTSNBN*?" or "umm...where do i find that?" (yes i actually got that multiple times. where do you find your NAME??? umm...on the tag of your undies possibly???

IV

[frit.livejournal.com]

bwa ha ha@#2. LOL!!!

[kostika.livejournal.com]

Usuaully before they open their mouths. But I do work for a consultant agency and the lot are a bunch of morons that have issues remembering their name, much less their username.

[usekh.livejournal.com]

If I get a call 5 mins before end of my shift I can gurantee it will be someone you have to tell 5 times how to click :P

[ihateemo.livejournal.com]

If the phone rings at that time, me no answer.

[annamaryse.livejournal.com]

You know, it's in the tone of the voice, you can tell right away.

[jecook]

This latest callout was within ten second of listening to the user tell me what was wrong with it, and why they could not fill out a fricken work order..

That's subject for probably another rant...

[(Anonymous)]

They Call

[jecook]

That too. The official company policy at my place is to fill out a paper work order request, but they call me instead. ::rolls eyes::

[bekscilla.livejournal.com]

When I ask their surname, and it sounds suspiciously like a first name, or they tell me they don't lnow their username, because they never look.

[harry-whodunnit.livejournal.com]

Dumb people just sound dumb.

If your words arrive at irregular intervals, slurred together because you like to talk with as little lip-movement as possible, and the gaps are filled with 'uhhh....' because you don't want to give away control of the conversation while you're waiting for your next thought to arrive, chances are good that you're going to to be today's most competent user.

Smart people have their thoughts in order before they talk. They're not mush-mouthed. They don't grunt. Spoken pauses are used only to indicate that they're still listening.

[harry-whodunnit.livejournal.com]

Not going to to be today's most competent user.

Obviously the topic hit one of my buttons...

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

When my phone rings.

How to tell he's noob, asshole or tech ?

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

1) does i need to say that i need the serial-nr of the device ? (if not, he at least called once) :)

2) the way they describe the error:
a) "raid-controller gave alarm. Raid-1, harddrive went offline, rebuild started, ran for an hour and failed again. firmware and driver are up2date. tried to format this harddrive in controller bios, failed too." <- no problem! new HD is already on its way! great customers!
b) "the server is making noise. send me an tech with an new server!"
c) "the harddrive is broken, send me new one!"
(BROKEN!! LOL! BROKEN ??!! LOL!!!)

3) speed of talking
a) fast, american techs (us-army f.e.)
b) medium, german techs. talking a lot of hot air and some useless informations too.
c) slow, non-techs who dont know much about anything
d) long nothing!
e) SWISS PEOPLE! *freakout* i cant write that slow as they talk! not even when iam only using ONE finger.

4) Terms used
a) the LED shows an Error Code: 1-3-2
b) the light is going on and off
a) during P.O.S.T. i get an error message "xyz. press F1 to continue or F? to enter setup"
b) computer doesnt want to boot any more

5) knowledge
a) i have an problem with an

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<company-name,>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

1) does i need to say that i need the serial-nr of the device ? (if not, he at least called once) :)

2) the way they describe the error:
a) "raid-controller gave alarm. Raid-1, harddrive went offline, rebuild started, ran for an hour and failed again. firmware and driver are up2date. tried to format this harddrive in controller bios, failed too." <- no problem! new HD is already on its way! great customers!
b) "the server is making noise. send me an tech with an new server!"
c) "the harddrive is broken, send me new one!"
(BROKEN!! LOL! BROKEN ??!! LOL!!!)

3) speed of talking
a) fast, american techs (us-army f.e.)
b) medium, german techs. talking a lot of hot air and some useless informations too.
c) slow, non-techs who dont know much about anything
d) long nothing!
e) SWISS PEOPLE! *freakout* i cant write that slow as they talk! not even when iam only using ONE finger.

4) Terms used
a) the LED shows an Error Code: 1-3-2
b) the light is going on and off
a) during P.O.S.T. i get an error message "xyz. press F1 to continue or F? to enter setup"
b) computer doesnt want to boot any more

5) knowledge
a) i have an problem with an <company-name, product-name XY12-A> with the SerialNr <sn-#>
b) i have an <company-name> here and it doesnt work.

6) Race...
Iam surely NO racist... i have a lot of pals from Asia, Africa and some other countries.
But imagine following situation:

Someone from Turkey, learned IT-Stuff in Greek, works in Switzerland, of course talks NO english at all and the LITTLE german he speaks he learned in switzerland.
(he might be the GREATEST tech on earth, but you wont understand a word he says)

Therefor you need to know. the german they speak in switzerland is like the english and turkey would learn to speak in russia.

[daerlyn.livejournal.com]

When they start off the conversation with some lame-ass pun referring to your company's (old and long since altered)name and the lack of service they are receiving.

ESPECIALLY when the problem turns out to be related to their lack of IQ.

[redqueenmeg.livejournal.com]

I told my mom that if she ever asked someone for their email address and they gave it as "username" with no "@isp.com" then it was AOL. I've never found that to be wrong.