It's apparently WTF Tuesday.

[arinoch.livejournal.com]

Dear customer from Rednecksville,
I'd absolutely love it if you found something more appropriate to call me other than "baby". I told you my name at the beginning of the call, and again when you asked. If you call me baby one more time, I'm going to format your computer and then hit release.

No love,
Me

Dear grandma,
Windows ME is dead. This should be evident to you when after half an hour of diagnosing what's wrong, you cringe at the idea of reinstalling the OS. Please don't give me hell because you're using an OS that was discontinued nearly 10 years ago.

No love,
Me

Helpful hint.

[darkrose.livejournal.com]

In addition to basic server administration and escalations for support, I am a "support engineer" which means when a customer buys a very expensive one-time support incident, I have to deal with it. SLA guarantees a phone call within a certain amount of time. 99.9% of these tickets are for remote support. Basically we charge our customers for being lazy and not wanting to follow the instructions sent by our lackeys. So, they pay a pretty good chunk of change for up to a certain amount of hours of my time, fix not guaranteed. I guess it makes people feel self-important to pay a ton of money for me to read their ticket to them or just follow the instructions our level 1 guys sent. Anyway, I get paged when these support tickets hit the queue.

So I get a ticket in from the level 1 guys today and it's one of these tickets. Phone goes off, and I spring into action. I look this guy's support history up. 2 tickets including this one, first ticket was closed after almost a month of inactivity and prodding the customer to provide some specific information. The customer obviously failed to provide it (or to respond at all after the initial "Ok, I'll see what I can do to get you this info" kind of reply), and now he's pissed off. Wants the problem resolved RFN.

So I'm reading the new ticket and basically the guy is begging for remote support, but says that the information we requested is confidential and is not available under any circumstances. We ask for an admin level login or vnc access to an account with an admin level account logged in + the IP address of the server they need help with. Apparently it's all confidential at this company. You know, they couldn't create an admin login like "remot3h3lpd3sk" or something like that, something they can delete when we're done. No. Too easy.

So I try to call the guy who has been listed as the POC.

He has left for the day.

So how am I supposed to fix this since it "requires immediate attention", with no login information and nobody who can sit there while I read off the instructions he was provided originally?

Oh yeah, self importance. It affects him so ZOMG WE NEDS 2 FIX NOWEEE!!!!!!!!!! I replied to the ticket and told him his options are a: give us remote support or b: get a refund for the incident and go back to tier 1 support.

Too busy for end luser games today. Far, FAR too busy.

Lack of thought on your part doesn't make an emergancy on my part.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

Hey lady, when you hang up on me because you don't want to go through the simple steps of doing a restore point because I'm not vista trained, when you call back I'm not going to drop everything to take care of you. I'll call you when I feel like it... and then I'll schedule a tech support session for you next week, I've got other things to do other than hold your hand because you can't be bothered to listen to our techs.

Yes it sucks that your computer is unusable at this moment and you were supposed to have a super tech phone you but no, they can't call you right this instant and I don't have the ability to transfer you to them.

Yes I'm sure you are important and all but i would believe you about knowing the president of our company if only you knew his name. And if you did know his name you wouldn't be calling us, a supertech would have called you and you would have their direct line (which we don't have).

And when I called back and you decided you want to hang up on me again after sayng you didn't want to talk to anyone from my company your case got closed. And please keep your promise not to buy another product of ours again.