I don't know anything about this FTP business, hurr hurrrr.

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

Me: $file is posted on the FTP site.

$client1, to $client2: Can you go get that?

$client2: What, on their website? Sure.

$client2: I don't see it on the website.

Me: It's not on the website, it's on the FTP site.

$client2: I went to $website_url, you mean that one?

Me: No, that's the website. It's on the FTP site. You'll need to use a FTP client to connect to $ftp_address and $client1 should have the username and login info since we set it up with him.

$client2: $client1, see below email that I just forwarded to you even though you were on every email up to this point.

$client1: Hmm, I don't know anything about this FTP business.

Me: Fuck you all, $file is attached.

[EDIT] $client1: Thanks $kiz! I've copied the file to my C: drive and now I'll copy it manually into our production environment!

*headdesk*

How can you use the internet FOR A LIVING to transfer files and be SO CLUELESS ABOUT FTP? HOW?

(no subject)

[mtupyro.livejournal.com]

*$BOSS answers office phone and provides this answer to a question asked*
"Well I'm not sure if we have any tubes laying around but I'll take a look for you."

$PYRO to $FEARLESS_LEADER: "Does he want to expand his internets?"

*$FEARLESS_LEADER has to leave office he's laughing so hard*

Internets confessions

[mix-hyenataur.livejournal.com]

I used my neighbor's wifi till winter made the signal impossible, so I asked my other neighbor for his password so I could use his perfect signal one. He forgets it, so he unlocks the box manually, then forgets how to set a password. Leaving it open the rest of the year.

It was a good signal, but the box would crap out from time to time. Making me feel sorry for him enough to make me buy him a better router when xmas came so that I could leach off of his internets more reliably, lmao

Flashy flashy flashy...

[attackgypsy.livejournal.com]

(working for large cable company)

Caller (Grumpy Old Man): The PC light on my modem keeps flashing...
Me: Okay, it can do that. Do you have an internet connection
C: Yeah.
M: Ok, that light will flash on and off.
C: It never did that before.
M: Sir, if it never did that before, it wasn't working right. When it flashes, its working.
C: You're lying.
M: Excuse me, sir?
C: You're lying. Its flashing and its driving me crazy. I want it to stop now. I want your supervisor!
M: Hold one moment please.

Sup comes on, and says the exact same thing. And then the old man demands his supervisor.

All for a flashing light.

*headdesk headdesk headdesk*

I hate the Christmas season. They open the doors to the looney bin on the Day after Thanksgiving. That's why its called Black Friday.

Now I have to write their code for them, too

[syberghost.livejournal.com]

Changed to remove the company-specific-ness:

This script gets called as follows:

FooScript 'datafile.data' 'datafile.control' ' /source/directory/'

Yes, that extraneous whitespace is passed to it, but that doesn't really
matter. The script these people wrote then looks like this:

=========
#!/bin/ksh

PARAMS=${1}
DATA_FILE=`echo $PARAMS|cut -f9 -d" "|tr -d '"'`
CONTROL_FILE=`echo $PARAMS|cut -f10 -d" "|tr -d '"'`
DIR=`echo $PARAMS|cut -f11 -d" "|tr -d '"'`
=========

And they claimed this crap WORKED on one server and not on another, that
the problem is we have ssh configured wrong. (Later on it tries to sftp
those files to other servers.) The guy who wrote this gets PAID TO
CODE.