(no subject)

[two-pi-r.livejournal.com]

So, someone brings in their laptop, and says, "The wireless isn't working."

I do one thing: pull the PCMCIA card out.

"Might be this." The card was no longer flat, there was a pretty-hefty bend/circuit-board crack, right at the antenna section. Oh yeah.

User: "Well, that didn't take long at all."
Me: "Radio shack, right next door, sells new wireless cards."

Typical day at my work

[moopet.livejournal.com]

Customer: Hello? Do you do, like, data recovery?
Moopet: Sure, what do you need recovered?
Customer: Well, I accidentally deleted my hard drive.
Moopet: Could you explain? It's pretty hard to delete everything on your system by accident.
Customer: Well, I turned my machine on and it said, "Press F11 to recover".
Moopet: Uh huh... Did you want to recover to a factory image?
Customer: Well it was turning on, so it was recovering the desktop, right? So I pressed F11. Then it asked me a bunch of questions so I clicked next a lot. And now all my word files are gone!
Moopet: Please bring your system in, so I can put a face to this FAIL.

prioritization

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

I quote:

There is a new Critical ticket in the %mycompanyarea% queue.

%tiknum%username%miscgarb

No Room Assigned

BB Holster

Quote request - holster for a new BlackBerry Curve 8300.

Note - it's a CRITICAL ISSUE that this person gets a holster for a new blackberry. Yeah, %user is a high-up muckety-muckl, but get real. If a BB holster is OMGWTFBBQ CRITICAL, just how the hell are they going to classify %user's email failing or the machine falling in the hot-tub or ....????

Sometimes I think people's brains shut down when confronted with a super-senior bigwig.

All my faith in humanity is gone

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

Just got off the phone with VIP Customer (shows up in ticketing system). This person is head of a division at my work (technical documentation so I know she knows how to read), with close to a thousand people under her. She needed help with internal job submission. Had an error; resume requires unique name. I asked her to change the name on the upload of her resume; she said it wouldn't let her change it. I remoted in, clicked at the end of the file name and added a "1", clicked Upload. Freaking amazing! Angels poked their head down through the ceiling, a golden glow bathed the user's computer and heavenly choir shouted in triumph. I could then hear the user's over long eyelashes clicking as she blinked, twice, slowly. Then she asked if she should hit the Submit button.

Aaaaaaugh!

It took all my will to utter the single syllable "Yes" (in polite tones, of course). I wanted to yell at her and tell her to smash her computer, slam her fingers in a car door and then go play in the freeway. This person makes more in a year than I'll make in ten. Sigh.

Is it time for the $80 dollar bottle of Booker Bourbon yet? Please tell me it is. Or just the $5.00 sledge hammer to smack myself about with. At this point, I'll gladly take either one.

OK, this just completely ***ing tears it.

[lihan161051.livejournal.com]

I spend an hour and a half on the phone with a customer who is so amazingly uncommunicative that I cannot even figure out what he is doing when I give him very detailed, very specific instructions to do very simple things and get results that make absolutely no sense .. as in when I tell him to do X, expecting Y as a result, he tells me he got e^π-π with barbeque sauce on it, and when I ask him in excruciating detail, repeatedly, if he indeed did X, he says "yeah, yeah, I did, uh-huh". And he's so uselessly uncommunicative that I cannot even tell to what extent he's lying to me, and I know he's lying because if he were telling the truth, the machine would not even boot far enough to do what he's telling me it's doing.

And today I get an email from my manager demanding that I read and respond to the feedback survey the customer filled out, and read this as his response:

"help to solve the issue would have been great,"

*headdesk*

Fscking jackass. How about following instructions and not just clicking randomly around and pretending you're doing what I'm telling you to do, so I can, I don't know, *ACTUALLY HELP YOU*, asshole? At the very least, how about not being such a jerk and maybe telling me exactly what's going on so we can get to the bottom of an issue you most likely CAUSED by poking around and breaking stuff? Would that be too fscking much to ask?

Oh, and that's not all. I looked at my last case notes, and he was the one who got snotty with me and told me he didn't have time to continue on the call, and then hung up on me. Real cooperative. Thanks a whole fsck of a lot, moron ..

Geez you guys & gals get pretty frustrated...

[r3700l3r.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty patient with the compu-tards that i deal with no matter how bad it gets. Chances are you know more about them then they would like. In various jobs i have found some crazy stuff on peoples computers. 

One guy who was a VP at a company i worked was sort of the head honchos lackey he had some pretty incriminating photos of himself and an other employee in lets say "lude acts" on a public network share.

I also remember telling one employee (this was quite a while ago) that her new LCD screen would let us see what was going on in here cubicle. The look of shock on her face was priceless every time i went by her office the monitor was turned off. :) I don't think she turned it on unless she absolutely had to. the whole IT staff got a pretty good chuckle out of that. I just think of that stuff when i have to deal with really annoying people. I'm sure you all have stories like that.

Lets hear some more!

Tech Support of the Dammed.....

[patgund.livejournal.com]

Okay, as many of you techies know, the world today has been having a bit of a problem with the metabolically challenged today. Which at least seems to improve some users IQ's.......

We should be used to life imitating The Onion

Personally however, if my life was GOING to imitate a flippin' George Romero movie, why wouldn't it at least imitate Knightriders???

I mean I'm already used to glassy eyed shambling figures moaning incoherently. I work Tech Support for Gods sake!!!

And don't start me on the drive home. Shambling, slow-moving, mindless hoards, acting on instinct alone. Doesn't this describe rush hour on the 405 and the 10 NORMALLY???

(no subject)

[kyidyl.livejournal.com]

today's stupid ticket of the day award winner: "customer wants to change the time on her screensaver from 15 mins to 30".

WTF. And you can't do that WHY? You're going to waste two days of their time waiting for us to call for something that would take you THREE frelin' seconds. And if you changed it and it didn't stick? It's a local policy on the machine (this may seems a stupid thing to set policy for, but their VPN client will not connect if it sees that the computer doesn't have a screensaver enabled with at least a 15 min. timer. Company policy is to lock your machines when you're AFK. They do this automatically after 15 minutes of no activity. The screensaver rule is retarded, but it's still there.) and there isn't JACK SHIT I can do about it. Thank you, and here's your coach. Hope your butt hurts.

Oh, update on Vista man. Apparently his kids bought two copies of Vista and then upgraded his desktop (home machine) and his laptop (our machine) as a father's day gift. On the surface, cute. But there's just so much wrong with that...Why did your kids think they were allowed to touch your laptop (I bet I'd have found games and spyware and crap on it if I'd seen it before the reimage)? If they upgraded it instead of a clean install, why the fuck did they have your password? Why didn't you think it odd that your laptop was missing for several hours? And...where the hell did your kid get like $500 ($800 if MS isn't still doing the buy ultimate and be able to buy two other copies for $50 thing.)? Boo on you for having the money for this but not more brains then me (since I make less.).