Email exchange

[siliconshaman.livejournal.com]

From clueless@nhs.net.uk

Please log this call LHD ID = 8237t8

Yours
Luser

Okay... check email for attachments [it happens, they fill in the form and send it as attachment] Nope, nada, nothing...

From servicedesk@servicedesk.uk

Hello,
Please tell us about this call you wish to log.
We have enclosed a form to fill in, please make sure you fill in all the fields according to the prophecy instructions.

Kind regards
etc

All right, so I didn't throw in the prophecy joke...wish I had now.

From clueless@etc.etc

Look, I'm a busy man. We pay you to do tech support, not laze around all day handing out forms and expecting us to do your job.
Just do your job and do it yourself!

yrs
Jerkface McIdiot of the clan McIdiots.

Okayyyy.... so now we're the psychic hotline? Somehow i know what his problem is, even though he hasn't told us...

From verypeeved@servicedesk.ohgodwhyamIhere.uk

Hello,
We have studied your problem as best we can. The following resolution applies:

Resolution analysis:

The error appears to be located somewhere between the human interface unit or "keyboard" and the axial/lumbar support flange of the stand-alone user-support unit located in front of the computer.

Resolution details

:
Please log off your computer and shut down. Do not attempt to reboot.

Further action:

None

yrs
etcetcetec...

Alright... so I didn't actually send that last one...but my finger hovered over the mouse button for a few seconds before saner council prevailed.

Best. Call. Ever.

[ladynisa.livejournal.com]

I over heard my coworker just now. He had a call from a woman who's upset that her SED wouldn't process for her international shipment. He did some digging, and discovered this:

1) She was trying to ship bullets.
2) She was trying to ship bullets to Saudi Arabia (a customs no-no unless you're in the military, which she's not).
3) She was trying to ship bullets to Saudi Arabia to a man who's first name is "Jihad".

I shit you not.

And she wonders why it wouldn't go through...

Tech Support in Bizarro World

[vorro.livejournal.com]

HI! Me am glad to assist!

Anyways, the ticket says:

Problem with printer. Printer is not printer. Error is to load paper. tray 2 is not closing.

Okay.

Problem with printer.

Yeah, that's easy enough to understand, but considerably vague.

Printer is not printer.

wait, P == !P ? That doesn't make any sense! The printer is not a printer? Is this some kind of Matrix-esque daoist ripoff?

"You must remind yourself that there is no printer" or what have you...

Error is to load paper.

I expect this kind of grammar from a fortune cookie or a motherboard instruction manual, not the helpdesk that is in the exact same city...

Oh, and the error is to NOT load the paper... load paper is the right thing to do!

Tray 2 is not closing.

Hmm... now just as the ticket is looking interesting - boom - it ends, leaving me wanting more. Why is it not closing? I'd love to know...


Update: forgot to mention the reason the printer wasn't working - it was so close to the wall that the paper try wouldn't close all the way... this wasn't tech support, this was spatial recognition...

Irony

[dr-atheist.livejournal.com]

Emphasis added, the rest is exactly as the ticket was

Rob (the Proof reader) can't log on to his PC, its very Ugret, could you please treat this request as Critical

I'm so glad I'm away from this crap for a day or two....

[hisamishness.livejournal.com]

Problem laptop  install software
user said that his laptop crash and he re stored it with the restored disk and lost all of his software and need a tech to come installed it back on

Never, Ever Again am I going to fail to strip out ALL the extra crap that comes with the computer... EVER!

Dude took what might have been a quick fixup and turned it into a complete rebuild by attempting to be smart.... Argh!