FP Byproduct

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

If nothing else, this false positive fiasco has provided me with tons of overdramatic emails... allow me to share a few:

I have your spyware on my PC. Yes I had the damn mess you created yesterday. Yes I have patch 498 loaded on my PC. Then WHY did I get the SAME mess this morning on my PC. YOU DID NOT FIX THE PROBLEM. WHEN CAN I EXPECT TO HAVE MY PC WORKING CORRECTLY AGAIN.

 

Marge

Every day is a new song.

*********************************

Nice.
I spent the last 3 days reformatting all my workstations, ripping apart my
network, and replacing my firewall.
good that you caught it though, wouldn't want anyone to become to alarmed...
(In case you can't detect the sarcasm.... Thanx alot for the last 3 days of
hell.)

*********************************

IF I CAN NOT GET UPDATES MORE FREQUENTLY THEN YOUR SERVER SEEMS TO BE ONLINE, THEN I WOULD LIKE TO REQUEST A REFUND....PLEASE NO Q@A I AM A COMPUTER SOFTWARE DESIGNER AND ALL OF THE ACTIONS YOU MIGHT SUGGEST HAVE BEEN THOUGHT OF.  PERHAPS YOU HAVE MORE CUSTOMERS THAN YOUR SERVER CAN HANDLE.  IN ANY EVENT EITHER FIX THIS PROBLEM OR REFUND MY MONEY

(BTW, this software designer uses AOL and doesn't know how to turn off caps lock.)

(no subject)

[fuego.livejournal.com]

Dear Customer Service,

If the customer in question does not have the software installed on their network, and they do not have install discs to do anyhitng with, DON'T transfer them to tech support. I don't care if they had it installed in 2003. Obviously, something happened in those four years. Moreover, don't get bitchy when I transfer them back to you explaining your gross oversight. If they don't even have the blasted software, Whiskey tango fuck do you think I'm going to do- walk them through an imaginary installation?

Cordially,

Fuego

(no subject)

[toxico.livejournal.com]

Dear Mr. Manager of $some_place:

You contacted us saying "This computer is getting porn pop-ups." Our policy is, in the event of any kind of nakkie pics being discovered on a machine, that it be immediately shut down, packed up and sent to us at corporate for inspection.

The fact that you don't know the policy does not entitle you to launch into a diatribe regarding the First Amendment and prefacing said monologue with a proclamation of your innocence. Especially Spock-eyebrow-inducing is the fact that it's used by everyone in the office and no one blamed you.

In conclusion, please do not waste half an hour of my time and yours by proceeding to pick apart the policy and ask the same question six different ways for every key point in an attempt to get me to divulge any further info. I will continue to tell you that I cannot point you to the locations of anything you are asking about; it isn't because I don't know no matter how much you insist that it is. Additionally, you get to stop asking useless questions to bait me into technical questions designed to cover one's Interweb browsing tracks. I will not recommend a free spyware remover at this time. I will not log on to the machine remotely and "clean it [my] damn self." I will not tell you the toenail polish colors of five women I know, the atomic weight of helium, or where to get a decent hoagie in downtown Seattle. In short, SHUT. UP. AND SEND. IN. THE MACHINE.

Vista Needs to Die

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

Oh man, I just got off of an hour call just setting up mail for Windows Vista.

Also defining how the user accounts work, and how to shut off the computer, instead of putting it into standby.

Seriously, all I want to do is go home, get a gun, shoot the "designer" of Vista, then drink till I pass out.

That is all.