PFY

[mouser.livejournal.com]

I have a PFY. He has not yet learned the correct answer to "Will you help me with my home computer out of the goodness of your heart?" is "There IS no goodness in my heart!"

He'll learn, though.

(no subject)

[kizayaen.livejournal.com]

I respectfully request that the entry immediately previous be deleted by a moderator.

This is a community for tech support personnel, not for the airing of personal rants about personal misfortunes. It might be different if it were a long-standing member of the community, but best I can tell, this is a first-time poster.

Should that post be deleted, then this one may as well as it has served its purpose. Or, should my sentiments not be shared, then feel free to delete this as well.

AOL /= UPS

[martiandooz.livejournal.com]

I work second level level support fixing PCs and laptops. Here's a brand spankin' new ticket that was just opened by one of our crackshot level 1 folks...

"User states that now that his laptop has been configured for wireless for the new england office he is now having problems with printing labels for UPS. He had UPS look at the software and they see no problem. User had AOL on the machine before and UPS worked fine , now AOL is gone the UPS is not working right. User used dial up and he is having the same problem. The labels printing are duplicating. User cannot print in the new england office because he needs to be configured for it because it is a wireless printer?"

Huh?

gdi

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

It's too early for this...

Luser:  Yeah, I was trying to install your firewall and it asked me to unistall ZoneAlarm - how do I get around that?
Me: What do you mean "get around" it?
Luser:  Well, I want to use both firewalls concurrently with the Windows firewall.
Me: *in disbelief* Um, well, *brain paralyzed by the comment* in short, you can't. *amazed that he used "concurrently" in such a stupid question*
Luser:  Uh. Are you sure? I'm running ZoneAlarm and the Window's firewall so I'm sure I can use your's as well.
Me: *prays to be killed in a firely explosion visible from space* Humor me and check your Window's firewall status, please.
Luser: Ok.... *mumbles to himself* Ok... oh... it says it's disabled.
Me: Exactly.
Luser: Oh, well. I like ZoneAlarm and I'd rather use that. So I guess I need a refund then.

Yeah. Large corporations use 1 firewall, but your home PC needs 3. Go swallow a knife.

What can you do for users who don't give you info...

[piepants.livejournal.com]

...and seem to be oblivious of how useless their information is?

I have this person who tells me she can't log on to her computer. I ask for error msg and it seems like she closed it. I asked if she can reboot to duplicate and she says she can't.

My line of questioning, however logical, doesn't result in anything useful. I had to basically guess that she's stuck at some portion of the windows bootup process prior to the login screen.

The only information I have is that the screen says 'windows 2000'. Great. No 'loading security policies' or 'personal settings' or anything. For all I know this person's staring blankly into a screen with the words 'windows 2000' typed into it or some other junk.

So I did what any of you would do. Send desk-side and document the hell out of the ticket (with made up stuff).

Actually, what I would do is put a sledgehammer to the machine (or user, whatever).

Bah.

--

Update: Tech came back and fixed it.

Solution?

Reboot.

Bear in mind during my questioning the end user said she rebooted 3 times.

>

(no subject)

[the-paco.livejournal.com]

Edited for soap box moment:
What the hell happened to you people in the last couple days? Has this been going on since I stopped looking so much? Jesus. Quite a few of you are becoming quite the little mini-moderators, or just plain bitchy. Cut it out. Or, even better, come comment in my entries where I can start playing with you. My days have been rather bereft of idiotic holier-than-thou jackassery, and having someone come begging for abuse is just so much fun.

Others, stop deleting your entries just because you're being besieged by morons. We need to see these morons in their full glory so we can all bug the mod team to get rid of them. We can't do that if you go around deleting your posts. Remember, it takes two to tango, but it only takes one to look like a whiny little loser alone on the dance floor.

This concludes my soap box moment.... the next few moments are soap FACTORY moments.

---

( Story )

You know why people hate tech support? Because, except for very very few, none of them care about their job, none of them know how to do it, and the companies running them don't give a tin shit about it. When the company is big enough, losing %10 of a customer base per month means jack to them, and it translates to treating their employees like shit and paying them next to nothing, and pretty much encouraging them to be the worst types of people they can be to the customer.

I hope, wherever you work, that it's not big business. Every time I deal with one in anything but a pure 'buyer to seller' situation, I learn to hate them even more. I only tolerate wal-mart and the like because I don't have to TALK to the people working in it.

I further hope, if you're working in a small business, that it's still small enough to allow you to take these idiot techs (or really, any idiot who so thoroughly blows at the job they are hired for) into a back alley and shoot them. You should really be taking pictures.

Concentrated pockets of stupid

[toxico.livejournal.com]

So far today I have had customers use the following terminology:

"havening" (...)
"suppository" (should be "repository")
"data tickling" (should be "data trickling")
"quarantine digestion" (should be "quarantine digest")

I've only taken three calls so far. As a side note, all these folks have been from Florida.

but.. he... she.. you... what?!?

[goose-entity.livejournal.com]

User: "So I uninstalled the old version and then installed the new version, I know the email from central IT said to not do it that way but I did anyway!"

Me: " " (speechless)

Weep, My Brothers And Sisters...

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

How'd you like to get a sysadmin's job at one of these places?

http://ifun.ru/comments/joke5317.html

Don't scroll down too far past the end of the pictures, some slightly NSFW adverts are there.

(no subject)

[twistedsyx.livejournal.com]

From Luser:

"I searched database but found no answer. What is the SAVE button for. I
hit it and it tries to save the image I am looking at?

Thanks"

*HEADDESKHEADDESKHEADDESKHEADDESKHEADDESKHEADDESKHEADDESKHEADDESKHEADDESKHEADDESKHEADDESK*

Per my lead, you can't make this shit up.

Anyway, I'm off for the week... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Btw... sorry to all of you who have to work this week. :(

a message to all 1337 hax0rz redux

[fiannnachruinne.livejournal.com]

After giving it a day's thought and seeing some of the comments and conferring with a couple of other community memembers, I have decided to repost a link to my message to hackers (semi-NSFW due to language). If you don't want to read the background feel free to skip the first three paragraphs. Quite frankly I spend way too much time dealing with spyware and viruses (mainly spyware these days) and their fallout in my job. It seems that it's always just one new variant of Vundo or Smitfraud or CoolWebSearch and their ilk after another. This has been building for awhile and the event chronicled was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Since there's realistically nothing any one of us can do about the problem at its source, about all that's left is to vent.

I chose to share it here because, like me, I figure many of you spend your time dealing with the crap these losers put out, whether it's dealing with spyware and viruses on systems or trying to keep your network secure from hackers and malware and the like. I thought you might share some of the dislike and enjoy the venting.

If you don't like it or aren't interested, well, feel free to hit the back button or just scroll on past this post. There are plenty more entries in this community for you to read. If you are offended by what I have to say or my language well them I'm sorry you choose to get offended but I make no apologies for what I say. This has been building for a long time and I just felt the need to vent and get it all out there. If you do enjoy it, great. That's why I wanted to share it.

Because it's nice to know that there is still some hope out there

[torkell]

x-posted to boggyb and techsupport

( Because it's nice to know that there is still some hope out there )