Tech-Support Highlights 3

[lions-tambua.livejournal.com]

Enterprise Support. High level Customer's Techs
-------
Customer: Our Server doesnt boot any more.
TechSupport: . o O (not an uncommon problem. mostly mainboard, PowerSupply, PowerDistribution Board or Power-Button defect) "Ok, do you see any LEDs on the Server ?
Customer: Yes, but they are all off
TechSupport: . o O (ok. most likely powerSupply or PowerDistribution Board) This server has 3 PowerSupplies. Are they ALL connected to the UPS ?
Customer: Oh, we dont have an UPS, but they are all connected to Wallpower
TechSupport: . o O (oh no. wait) "Are they connected to the SAME outlet ?"
Customer: "yes, with an multiple-plug"
TechSupport: *sighs* Alright, maybe is that one of those you can switch on and off ?
Customer: "oh. good idea. let me check that" *different noises of stuff beeing moved around*
Customer: "i cant see anything down here"
TechSupport: "well, then take an lamp ?"
Customer: *still moving around stuff under the table* "That wont help at the moment. we have an Company-wide Power Outage"
Techsupport: *mute* "AAAAAAARRRRRRRRR" *claws the desk* "why me ?" *demute* "ok.. i think we have detected the problem."

(no subject)

[ex-deliveryboy.livejournal.com]

wow. just had a great call.



caller calls my rep, doesn't believe her, wants to talk to me.



I spent 15 minutes on the call, explaining why DSL would be faster than Dial-up, how he cannot use DSL to connect to our service etc etc. (we only provide dialup, crappy dialup at that)


He then stated he called SBC and they couldn't help him "change the website that always comes up". I took pity on him and walked him through how to change the home page.


I also stated that it is very likely that the browser may have been hijacked, in that case he would need to have a technician take a look at his system.

He states the techs as SBC and some other place he called never told him either of these, that they had him "going somewhere".


He also said somehow a picture of an airplane got on his system. I told him he probably jsut changed the wallpaper on his desktop.


He said he was going to just go out a get a new computer than mess with all this. I bluntly told him to go out and get some books and learn how to use it and protect it, otherwise he is gonna buy an expensive paperweight.


He wasn't our customer. He won't ever be our customer. He wanted to send me money. I told him he didn't need to.


He then started telling me how he had been on tv, how he's on the clevand cavaliers' website the stud muffin in the middle with the grey hair

Ok she's sort of right.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

Me "Ok lets connect to the internet"
Her "Oh my computer doesn't connect to the internet"
Me "I thought you had AOL?"
Her "Yes, I have AOL, you want me to get on AOL?"

And I thought the AOHELL lady was bad.

[geekgrrl-ca.livejournal.com]

These are my call notes.

Customer can't power up unit.
Customer is trying to power the unit by the phone jack O_o! - Not possible with this unit.
Convinced customer that this unit is not powered by the phone jack (5 minutes to do this, involving pictures and diagrams)
Coached customer on how to connect power cord.



I r on teh stupid queue today!

(no subject)

[darkblade1.livejournal.com]

Ugh, if you have Business services, tell me.

I just wasted 1/2 hour of my time until you finally sneak it in that you have a business account.

Thanks a*hole!

This day has been pretty bad.

No thanks for the admin...

[theogrin.livejournal.com]

First of all, I'd like to give a great big 'you're welcome' to my younger sister, who, in a flurry of innovative thought and wild genius, decided to stand between me and the computer I was supposed to fix -- i.e. hers -- when I made efforts to put a NIC in there. She demanded to know why, when the internet was working for her before the move, she couldn't just connect to the wireless router two feet away. "Because," I said, "because." Of course, that was nowhere near good enough for the girl, so I tried explaining things in a manner I thought even an idiot could understand. "There's no reason for you to use the wireless service when the router is two feet away, and I can just plug you in there." No comprende. So, I decided to go for the simplest possible explanation. "The talky thing in your computer wants to have a nice conversation with the other talky box up there, but it doesn't help when they're shouting at each other. Capiche?"

She finally got out of the way, allowing me to plug in the card. Twenty minutes later, as I finish up throwing her 98 box onto a network primarily populated by XP machines (up to and including a wonky print server), she says, "I just wanted Word..."

Well, no kidding, you wanted Word. Tonight, that is. You wanted a word processing program (with DOUBLE SPACING!!!11!1) that you could use to type up your school report, and I'm quite certain that immediately after you opened it you would have wanted to print the damn document, and half an hour later you would have wanted internet access so you could research the damned thing. The least you could do is thank me for spending an hour of my time, which I could have quite contently used to play my silly little desert game, on your half-braindead computer and your worthless, thankless facade of a human face and voice.

And, second, I must thank my parents for their tremendous understanding of the wireless network, especially why your standard 802.11b router will not have any kind of reception through two thick floors. When I say I'm getting 'no reception', either on the Linksys card (which is dead, as it happens) or the DLink USB (which is annoying), I don't mean 'by all means, remind me that I can /connect/'. It means that while I can connect, a 20% packet loss is not acceptable in any way shape or form. And it also means that if I say I can pay for a wireless router and/or signal booster if need be, you should not give me the fucking 'money talk'. When neither of you have done any hacking work for at least 10 years, I don't need to be told what is and is not an acceptable computing expense. You're welcome to set that shiny router upstairs, where three of the five computers are, rather than downstairs -- and use the wireless card on your own computer, which I was kind enough to upgrade just a few days back. I'm sure you'll grow accustomed to that connection box flickering back and forth like a neon brothel sign on the bottom right side of your screen.

So, to summarize? Fuck you all.

WHY? (and Valium and pink custard)

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

User: My email doesn't work! And neither does my mainframe terminal!
Me: Could you check your network cable, thanks?
User: I plugged it into a different PC!

( God dammit, is it TOO MUCH to ask? )