Jan. 12th, 2005

[identity profile] weaselking.livejournal.com
okay as the system administrator for my unit in the military this is a perfect example of red tape and how crazy it is.

new person to unit, you have to give them access to... The local network, the local Domain, and 3 system accounts JUST so they can sit down and acctually do any work. so until this is done, they just.. well sit. so you think this is simple. lol, follow the lovely procedure and then laugh.

1. Interview person
2. request from command (boss types) for location on where they will work. (only takes 4 to 8 days for them to figure it out, stop argueing and tell me)
3. Breif soldier (they watch interactive videos on security and procedures 5 hours long total)
4. Fill out the Domain User Agreement, print, sign (7 pages)
5. Fill out the Local unit User Agreement, print sign (5 pages)
6. Fill out the application request for email, print, sign (1 page)
7. Fill out the application request for program #1, print, sign (3 pages)
8. Fill out the application request for program #2, print, sign (2 pages)
9. Fill out the application request for program #3, print, sign (1 page)
10. soldier and myself review all documents, soldier signs (hopefully on the right spot or return to 4-9)
11. Fax Domain User Agreement to domain admins
12. Put all applications and Local Unit Agreement in folder hand to 1st person in a 5 person approval chain
13. 5 to 10 days later Domain accoutn established
14. First 2 approve and sign requests, they return back to me 5 days later
15. Set up account on computer for Domain access only ( no local user yet )
16. Set up Domain Email account
17. 3rd person approves documents, they are returned 10 days later (they have to go to a different city .. original documents only)
18. with 3rd person approval, local account is authorized
19. create and set up local profile with access to program 1 (no privlages yet.. they can just turn it on)
20. Digitaly scan and send documents (ALL) to a city office (main admins) over 5k miles away
21. recieve email that one page nto veiwable, and rescan all documents and resend
22. 5 to 10 days later account established in other 2 programs
23. return to new (old now) soldier, give new passwords and user IDs, explain they must have 10 digit blah blah blah type password
24. wait for soldier to come back 30minutes later because they have locked up one of the 3 programs.

now i look at the calander and laugh because it took 33 WORKING DAYS, and 19 pages of crap to get one person able to turn on a computer, log in, check email, and click 2 buttons and start working normally.

oh how I love my job.

(p.s. that 33 days IF everything is perfect and nothing goes wrong. so far the record length for 1 account being set up was 7 months 2 weeks and 4 days, and retyping all the above documents over 6 times)
[identity profile] sargiegirl76.livejournal.com
As a bit of background, I do technical support for accounting software. This is our busiest time of year, and the time when the hibernating morons come out of the woodwork.

This is a gem I had on Friday.

Me: Yours Truly
DC: Dumbass customer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: What seems to be the issue today, sir?
DC: Well, we started our new year file for payroll, and all of the ledger entries for salaries went into the correct period but our jobs didn't post.
Me: Ok. Well did you start the new year for your job files as well as your payroll and ledger?
DC: There's no option here!
Me: The option for this isn't located in the same place as for starting ledger and payroll files.

(Cut to a full ten minutes of hemming and hawing, trying to get this man to the right location while he seemingly has Mouse Tourettes and is clicking everywhere but where I tell him.)

DC: Oh, I see. So I need to start the 2005 files here?
Me: Yes, and then your payroll job codes will post in 2005.
DC: But how do I know I haven't already done this?

(Silence from me while trying to formulate a response.)

Me: Well sir, because it took us up to this point for you to locate the option, chances are you haven't already done this.
[identity profile] liakela.livejournal.com
(posted here at the behest of a few friends)
My client needs to connect to Windows 2000 checking the log on using dial up box in order to synchronize with the server.


Me: Are you trying to connect using dial up? (a phone line)
Client: Yes, I'm on hi-speed.
Me: (pause) Oh--ok, you're trying to log in using a hi speed connection?
Client: Right, on dial up.
Me: (You've got to be kidding me) Ok. Are you logging using a hi speed connection, or a phone line?
Him: I'm using a high speed connection
Me: (hearing voices behind him) Oh-- are you in the Section Office?
Him: Yes, I'm in the office
Me: Oh-- then don't check the log in using dial up connection box at the windows login screen.
Him: Well, I'm in my home office
Me: (big, mute-button sigh) Ok. Then you -do- need to check the log in using dial up box.
Him: I'm getting a "There is no answer" message
(this message, the client's receive ONLY when they try to dial using a phone line)
Me: When you log in, does it say "I am already connected to the internet" on the properties?
Him: Yes, it said that.
Him: I don't think this is going to work.. I'm trying to log in using the hotel's hi-speed connection
(we don't support that, and that's not NEARLY anything CLOSE to what he told me)
Me:(deep breath) OK. So you're not in your office, you're at a hotel?
Him: Yes. What if I use the company router, will that work?

And the call goes on and on and on, really.
[identity profile] jcaswell.livejournal.com
As I was getting out of the car at work this morning, I heard "Ah! I'm glad I've seen you!" The feeling isn't mutual.

"Hi", I reply, politely. "What's up?"
"One of the computers in room 22 has gone kaput" she says
"What happens when you turn it on?"
"I don't know"
"Do you get any error messages?"
"Yes"
"What?"
"I don't know"

Helpful. It's probably an inaccessible boot device - we get a lot of those for some reason. (Incidentally, anyone else experienced that? We have probably ten instances a week of inaccessible boot device on Windows 2000 with all updates. It's a quick fix, but bloody annoying. I want some real problems to solve!)
[identity profile] snoopyh42.livejournal.com
**AMENDMENT: This is NOT me. This is posted from a story I found elsewhere. I have a great IT job that I enjoy very much and doesn't suck like the one described herein.**

The life of a sysadmin goes approximately as follows.

8am: Your pager goes off and wakes you up. The message says it's the
office, and it's a crisis. You roll out of bed moaning.

8:15am: You are now sufficiently awake to phone the office. Your pager
has gone off three times already. You get through to the office and the
receptionist is frantic. She says nobody in the entire office can print
and they have a major proposal that has to be faxed out before 9am and
if it isn't the company could lose a million dollars in new business.
You try to get her to explain what's wrong, but she's incoherent.

8:30am: You're dressed in yesterday's dirty clothes (they were all you
could find in time) and running out the door, sipping a Jolt cola and
hailing a cab to the office.

8:45am: You arrive at the office.
More under the cut )

Ego boost

Jan. 12th, 2005 10:58 am
[identity profile] naggy.livejournal.com
Few things provide an ego boost quite like someone whispering "Yes!" when they hear your voice on the tech support line.
[identity profile] heathwitch.livejournal.com
So ... A potential client rings up because he can't order through our website -- says the pages go nowhere. After determining that his company's IT network is set up to disallow secure websites via their firewall, we advise him to either a) order from home, or b) take it up with his company's IT helpdesk.

His response? "What number would I call for that then?"

"For what?"

"My company's IT helpdesk?"


Well, erm... duh.
[identity profile] snow-leopard.livejournal.com
I was out at Lunch. User wanted to print large file. Clicked print. As its a large file, it takes a while to spool. Goes to printer, sees it isn't printing, so clicks print again. Goes to printer, sees it isn't printing, so clicks print again. Goes to printer, sees it isn't printing, so clicks print again. User clicks print, print, print, print, print, print, print, print, print etc.
*sigh*
I have spent the past 20 minutes deleting his print jobs from the queue.
Whatever happened to common sense?
[identity profile] rileydag.livejournal.com
...A friend had to share this one with me, it's got a few gems.

A Day in the Life of "Help Desk"

Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..."
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's
still on my desk... sorry .......
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates damn it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it
says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it
in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he
can't find it...
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's
happening..
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? -

-------------------------------------------------------------------

A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on
my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!

------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?Old woman: Good
afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me
how long it will take before you can
help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than
4 hours ago.
Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?

------------------------------------------------------------------

Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around
it?
[identity profile] guinevere33.livejournal.com
One summer, I worked for a local company doing data entry, but slowly slid into doing all their computer-related support. Never again.

  • Every computer in the office is connected to its own UPS - except the server.

  • Only one machine in the entire office has a CD-RW, and it lives in a closet.

  • They were too cheap to get machines with more than 128MB of RAM, yet they attempt to run Windows XP Pro and then ask me why they run so slowly.

  • One lady called me in to help her *make a new folder*.

  • Many of the computers don't even have Service Pack 1. When I pointed this out to their supposed "tech person", she didn't even know what SP1 was.

  • They cannot figure out how to delete their own email.

  • All the computers have their entire C: drives shared. With write permission.


But the winner has to be the folks who've taken over the website. I designed it with a graphical navigation bar - BIG MISTAKE. I *cannot* explain to the people who now update the site that the nav bar is made of pictures. They do not get it. They keep changing the HTML code and breaking the image links because they think changing "img src=programs.gif" to "img src=events.gif" will change what the nav bar says. They even went so far as to open a GIF file in Notepad to try to edit the text on it! IT'S. A. PICTURE. OF. THE. WORD. ARG!!!
[identity profile] random-c.livejournal.com
Give me *strength* I've got a couple of girls on my little pod of desks now. It's supposed to be developers down here, and in the reshuffle we acquired some interesting people (and lost the NRA member) but we've also got these two girls. Now, I'll admit I don't much like girls at the best of times, but coming in to find them plugged into my switch (it's there for providing DHCP addresses to my test kit in a very limited and therefore predictable range, which obviously doesn't happen with the office network) and whining that the network's broken. No it isn't, and you're bloody lucky I'm not running PXE boot yet...you'd think the 'NOT OFFICE NETWORK!' sticker on it would be a giveaway, but some tit had moved it from my desk to hers and turned it upside down in the process.
Tom the support guy is, understandably, running round looking like he's about to have kittens. Everywhere in the building otherwise intelligent people have turned into absolute morons and can't plug in their own mice. So, I figured I'd do him a favour and traced and labelled all the connected network cables and made sure everyone was connected to a wall plate. The rest I rolled up and plonked on an unoccupied desk (which rapidly became the 'this isn't mine' space for everyone) then sorted out the two new girls (which, because someone can't be careful with a chair leg and ripped one of the network ports out of the wall, meant finding a switch and sharing a cable between them. I explained what I was doing, and the blonde one asked how she'd get network when she didn't get network through the switch before.
"This is a different switch."
"Oh... was the other one broken?"
"No, it's not connected to the office network though, only my server."
"Oh... so how do we get office network if it's not connected to it?"
"Through this one which *is* connected to the office network."
"But it looks the same..."
This afternoon she's asked me why it's a problem that I have no drivers for the second graphics card/monitor on one system, because one of our developers has written a batch file to control it... I had to explain the difference between the content that gets displayed and the drivers that make displaying possible... I still don't think she got it. And she's diagonally opposite me. She's going to keep saying stupid things. I don't know if I can cope with this.
[identity profile] microchip.livejournal.com
I've uploaded my Thunderbird training.dat file for junk mail recognition, trained over a hell of a lot of mail, if anyone wants it as a "base training" for their own copies. Kills most Cialis, Viagra, "Software Offer", virii and general junk, in one fell swoop, and compressed for your download pleasure.

If you want it, it's at http://rick.guysintheknow.com/training.rar (compressed, WinRAR file), and you'll need to extract it to your Mozilla Thunderbird profile directory (in Windows, usually somewhere in C:\Documents and Settings\[user]\Application Data\Thunderbird\[profile directory], or similar, in a Unix/Linux-type environment, I'm told it's probably in your ~/.thunderbird/[profile directory]/ directory (although don't quote me on that, I'm currently in the process of slapping Gentoo Linux on my laptop, and it's taking a while, as I decided to go for the ultra-optimal compile...)

Hope it's of use to people anyway. It's got several months of training in there, and should certainly help newbies... unless, of course, you want those Viagra ads ;)
Page generated Sep. 10th, 2025 04:39 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios