EPIPHANY!!!!!

[valiskeogh.livejournal.com]

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!
*positively giddy*

i just thought... of the most... kick ass... idea....

here is the plan... let's start up a site... or a company... or hell just hand out phone numbers on the web...
rule is, to the average newb customer having problems with their computer....

ABSOLUTELY FREE PHONE INTERNET/COMPUTER TECH SUPPORT.

THAT's RIGHT!!!
THE HIGHLY SKILLED technicians at valis enterprises TOTALLY FREE TECH SUPPORT will GLADLY help you with WHATEVER problems you may have, ABSOLUTELY FREE OF ANY AND ALL CHARGES!!
hell, let's get a 1800 number!!!!

now... as you know... no one really gets anything for free... so yes... there is ONE itty bitty widdle catch:
Our highly skilled technical staff has complete carte blanche when talking with you and helping you with your problem. they are free to say exactly what they think of the problem, it's source, and it's solution.

think you can handle that?
messed up your computer? can't get your email? WE CAN HELP YOU!!!

( here is a sample call i'm dreaming up...  )

how many of you would volunteer to give your services away for free, for like... one hour a week, IF... you could actually say what you normally say right after hitting the mute button?

i know I WOULD
just THINK of the possibilities... "ooh... seems like a pebkac (problem exists between keyboard and chair) error." "what does that mean?" "it means you should give this computer to a 9 year old who can actually do something useful with it."
valis

Why I love my co-workers

[linguafranca.livejournal.com]

We had a customer (I'll call him Asshat) who yelled and swore at the techs every chance he got. There are a ton of notes on his account along the lines of "This guy is a total dick." Last week he had some trouble with his computer - virus or spyware or something - and one tech, Matt, said he would leave a CD in the other office for this customer to pick up. Apparently this was fine with the customer; if not, we could mail it to him. Asshat never picked it up.

Today Asshat calls to complain that he never got the CD - HE thought we would mail it to him (because he's in a goddamn wheelchair and how in the goddamn hell is he supposed to come get it?) and wants to have Matt fired. *snicker* Anyway, I transferred him to my supervisor's voicemail.

Shortly after I got home from work today, I received the following e-mail, sent to the whole support staff. Real names changed, of course:

Asshat (username here) has been a verbally abusive customer for quite some time now. Today, I requested and [our CEO] approved to have his account terminated. When I contacted him to inform him that we would no longer be providing him service, I received his voicemail and left a brief message. I'm sure when he hears it, he will be insanely pissed, and for that I am sorry. This will be the last time we have to deal with him.
[...]
Feel free to transfer him to my voicemail when he calls.

So Asshat called back this evening, pissed of course. The tech who received the call (my husband, and referred to as "Tech" in the below IM conversation) has just IMed me the following:

Tech: I very calmly told him no one was here who could take his call, and that I could transfer him or terminate the call
Tech: he said that wasn't good enough
Tech: and I said I could transfer him or terminate the call.
Me: "Sir, there is no third choice"
Tech: yep.
Tech: so he finally stfu'd
Tech: and I transferred him

Freshmen can be so cute!

[polarbee.livejournal.com]

So I'm working away at my bench and out of the corner of my eye I see an obviously freshman male and his mother approach my counter looking tentative.  So I turn around and ask them what I can do for them.  The following conversation takes place.

Boy: Hi, I need an adapter for my internet.
Me: What type of adapter are you looking for exactly?
Boy: The internet plug in my room is larger than the one in my computer so I need an adapter to plug my internet cord into to make it bigger.
(I sort this out to mean he has a modem in his computer taking RJ11 and he's up at the university where they have high speed internet requiring RJ45 connectors.)
Me: Ah, I see.  What you need is an ethernet card.
Boy: No.  I have internet in my computer.  I just need an adapter for the cable.
Me: What you have in your computer is a modem.  The university requires an ethernet card. 
Boy: No no.  I have internet already.
(So I haul out a modem cable and an ethernet cable and show him the difference and then walk him over to the ethernet cards.)
Me: This is what you are looking for.  This is our basic model for $18.
Boy: Uh.  I'll think about it.

At this point I just turned around and walked back to my bench.  I wasn't going to waste any more time on someone who didn't believe a word from my mouth.
Cute little freshman.  College is going to be quite the shock for him.