You know the call isn't going well when .....

[wo1verine.livejournal.com]

Customer wants to know how you can see the files she is dragging around on her computer

When changing her password on company website you use something simple and she accused you of being terrorist

Accused you of not really working for your company even though she called you

Customer accuses your company of installing software on her computer and then removing it so she couldn't find it any more.

Oi. :) Gotta love software customers.

Screamer

[liquidmercurial.livejournal.com]

So I get a call from a female customer and she sounded really irritated. Since she came in on the L1 queue, I had to get a bunch of info from her before proceeding. The call went something like this...

ME: Thank you for calling *****, My name is Melissa. Can I please get your telephone number?
EU: **********
ME: And the name on the account?
EU: Kathleen
ME: And am I speaking with Kathleen?
EU: YES
ME: And is the callback number the same number you just gave me?
EU: I HAVE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH ALL THIS, YES, THE NUMBER IS THE SAME!!
ME: And what operating system are you running?
EU: YOU SHOULD HAVE ALL OF THAT IN YOUR NOTES BECAUSE I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH ONE OF YOUR COLLEAGUES AND HE SHOULD HAVE PUT IN ALL THE NOTES WITH THAT INFORMATION.
ME: Okay, let me take a look at the past notes from today to see if that information is in there. *checks* Unfortunately, the past notes do not show your system information. It does show that you were having a DSL sync issue, and you were referred to *** to get that resolved.
EU: THAT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF AND I JUST NEED TO CONTINUE GETTING THIS FIXED!
ME: Okay, I would like to get your system information so that I can log it into my notes, so that it WILL in fact be logged into the database.
EU: *SIGH* WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!?!
ME: Do you see a "My Computer" icon on the desktop?
EU: NO!! THE LAST GUY TOOK ME INTO THE START MENU. YOU SHOULD HAVE ALL OF THIS INFORMATION ALREADY!!
ME: But I don't ma'am, so I would like you to go to the start menu, go to settings and click on control panels.
EU: *SIGH* WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO FIND?!?!
ME: Are you in the control panels yet?
EU: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO FIND?!?!
ME: I want you to let me know when you're in control panels.
***long silence*****
ME: Are you in control panels
EU: YES!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?!?!?!
ME: Please double click on System. What does it say here on the general tab
EU: WINDOWS XP!!!!
ME: Alright, now how is this computer connected to the device? Is it ethernet or USB? If you're not sure of the difference, what color is the cable?
EU: IT'S BEIGE!!
ME: Does it plug in above the power cable, or right below the phone cable?
EU: (now screaming and not just yelling) YOU SHOULD ALREADY HAVE ALL THIS INFORMATION!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GIVE YOU ANY OF THIS STUFF. I HAVE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH ALL OF THIS!!! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!
ME: I am very very very sorry that it was not logged before, since that is the case, I need to get this information to be able to help you.
EU: (still ranting) WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FIGURE IT OUT AND HELP ME
ME: Ma'am, there is no need to be yelling at me. I am not yelling at you. I am trying to help you and prevent you from having to answer these questions the next time. If you continue to yell at me, I WILL be discontinuing this call.
****this next part is literally what happened****
EU: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH <--screamed at the top of her lungs

ME: *click*

Sheer Genius!

[blackrat.livejournal.com]

I work as a "IT Support Officer" (It's what my security ID says, so who am I to argue?), and at the site I work at, we recently put up a web page informing users of the forthcomming re-design of the corporate intranet site, with nice little easy for users to understand messages like click here se the forthcomming site, click here to email suggestions, the date of the changeover, yadda yadda. It pops up at login, and fills the entire screen with internet explorer goodness (yes, that is debatable, I know)

Good, great, we are merrily keeping our users informed via a the standard issue browser for the site! Yay!

Soon after, on the IT Helpdesk...

*Ring Ring*

"Hello, IT Helpdesk!"

"Hello, this is *generic person* from *generic dept*... I have this strange thing pop up that never poped up before."
"What does it say?" (Thinking it may be an error message)
"Notification of forthcomming redesign of corporate intranet site..."
"Thats just a message from us informing all users about the forthcomming redesign of corporate intranet site."
"Oh. Why do I have it?"
"Because you're a user of the network." (ID-10T error's have been detected...)
"How do I get rid of it? I cant see the program launcher."
"...." (For the love of!...)
"..errm.. click the X in the upper right corner."
"What does that look like?"
*Explains, very slowly*
"Oh, so it's just like internet explorer then!"
"It actualy is."
"Don't be daft! Internet Explorer shows the intranet page when it loads!"


The really sad and depressing thing is that we got around 20 more calls like this... eventualy we ammended the page with a quick how to guide on how to close it, using a small snapshot of the upper corner to show the hard of thinking what to look for.

Even then, people still rang up.

Having fun with liars

[psmylie.livejournal.com]

I work for a big corporation, so I hear a lot of stuff like:
"The company loses a million dollars every hour I'm down!"
Which is, of course, a big fat lie.
The most fun I've ever had with a call like that went a little like this:

Liar: "blah-blah-blah, losing a million bucks an hour, blah-blah"
Me: "Wow, a million an hour, huh? What are you using for a backup?"
Liar: "There IS no backup! That's why you need to drop everything and fix this NOW!"
Me: "What? No backup or workarounds? And you are responsible for millions per hour? This is very serious. Once I get this done I'll need to talk to your manager."
Liar: "Er.. what? Why?"
Me: "As per the company-wide notification that all employees received in their email last month, all business critical apps need to have a backup or a workaround, so that we never have a situation like this. Once I get this fixed, my manager and your manager will need to discuss why millions of dollars a day in income relies solely on your workstation being up and running. We're also supposed to report issues like this up to the Senior VP."
Liar: (a little nervous) "Ah, well... I suppose I can work on a co-worker's machine, she's out this week."
Me: "Oh, so you DO have a workaround? Good. I'll be down in a few hours, once I get done with a couple other things I'm working on"

I just hate it when they lie...