Most retarded customer of 2003 award goes to...

[methedras.livejournal.com]

My housemate and I work for an ISP here in Australia, and we're pretty geared up towards selling our DSL products.

He had a customer on the line last night that had his line provisioned, and his account transferred, for DSL back in July '03.

Every time this customer had called in for technical support, he mentioned he was using a Netcomm 3250 blah blah or something.
Our support team always told him that it was unsupported, and we couldn't help him.

Netcomm tend to manufacture a large array of ADSL products.

The customer has only discovered last night, that he has been using a dial-up modem this entire time.

He never clued in to his line being engaged.
Never clued in to the fact his modem dialled.
Never clued in to the fact the speed hadn't changed, at all.

He blamed it on us for not telling him he needed a new modem, though all of our registration pages and documentation explain as much.


'eres looking at you kid, you're one in a million.

Comments

[gevauden.livejournal.com]

As much as I can see how dump the customer in question was, I have to ask how the HELL the guy's been calling for this long and no one managed to pick up on the fact that he was trying to use a dialup modem.
The issue here is a combination of a stupid customer and lazy reps. Never a good mixture. I've seen it plenty of times before at my own place of work. It never fails to shit me up the wall.

[methedras.livejournal.com]

Well it does come down to the reps being lazy too man, but the thing is. These guys dont know what every model number and make of Netcomm ADSL or Dialup modem is out there.

Tech : "What modem are you using?"
Them : "Oh, a Netcomm 3250."
Tech : [thinks... unsupported] "I'm sorry sir, we don't provide technical support for that modem."

[give settings, and send them on their way]

He probably hadn't given any information that would suggest it was a dialup, though, I've told you about those lazy fucks at work that fob at first chance.

It'd be very easy to let it slip by.

[gevauden.livejournal.com]

Sure I can see that happening the first time, but after a few calls you'd think someone would say to themselves "Hrmmm, we keep giving this guy the settings, he keeps calling back. Maybe he's fucked something up. OK so we don't support that router but hey I may as well see if I can point him in the right direction"
Or something like that.
I'm not saying this guy can blame you guys for him not reading that he needed an ADSL router, he's obviously not a member of MENSA by a long way. But something as big as that should have been picked up sooner.

[methedras.livejournal.com]

True, what gets me is that it was Scott who picked up on it, and we both know that Scott himself is not a member of MENSA either.

(Sorry Scott, can't help it. Heh.)

Though, I guess reps are too eager to blame something on a customer's stupidity. I'm sure he was advised to speak to Netcomm, though didn't. Had he spoken to Netcomm I'm sure they'd have said, hey buddy... you're using a dialup modem. Dickhead.

[gevauden.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I see it all too often. The problem is really the customer's fault, but as a tech support rep your jopb is to diagnose these things and find out WHY the customer keeps calling.

Kudos to Scott for figuring it out :)

[methedras.livejournal.com]

Oh well you know, had it been me on the phone I'd have worked it out.
But I am tech god. Haha.


It was funny hearing Scott snivelling about it with the customer on mute.

[gevauden.livejournal.com]

Snivelling?
Like Salacious Crumb?

:P

[methedras.livejournal.com]

[gevauden.livejournal.com]

Ahh yes. Great to see you still have that image.
Truly it caputres the essence of the subject.

[methedras.livejournal.com]

As if I'd lose that one. Haha.

[gevauden.livejournal.com]

Did we ever get a Jabba one happening? My memory of that period is somewhat hazy...

[methedras.livejournal.com]

Yeah Scott did the Jabba one, and that's what spurned the Salacious Crumb one.

[gevauden.livejournal.com]

I think you mean spawned.
This is why:


Main Entry: [1]spurn
Pronunciation: 'sp&rn
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English spurnan; akin to Old High German spurnan to kick, Latin spernere to spurn, Greek spairein to quiver
Date: before 12th century
intransitive senses
1 : obsolete : a : STUMBLE b : KICK
2 : archaic : to reject something disdainfully
transitive senses
1 : to tread sharply or heavily upon : TRAMPLE
2 : to reject with disdain or contempt : SCORN
synonym see DECLINE
- spurn·er noun

[methedras.livejournal.com]

Hrm. Ok. You got me.

It sounded wrong to me when I wrote it too.

Spawned wasn't the word I was looking for either.

[gevauden.livejournal.com]

Spurned is like what happens to rejected lovers. Their advances get spurned.
Spawned is what happens when the lovers get together ;)

[methedras.livejournal.com]

v. spurred, spur·ring, spurs
v. tr.
To urge (a horse) on by the use of spurs.
To incite or stimulate: “A business tax cut is needed to spur industrial investment” (New York Times).


That's what I was after.

[gevauden.livejournal.com]

Yeah, OK I can see how you might use that, but you'd be better using it like "A is what spurred me into doing B" as opposed to "A spurred B".

Maybe I should become an English teacher...
or not.

[azraelsdaisy.livejournal.com]

We charge them for using dial up instead of DSL. Does your ISP do that as well?

[methedras.livejournal.com]

We used to tell them we did, but it didn't.

Now we just include the dialup with the account, but all downloads are taken from your download quota for the DSL connection.

[azraelsdaisy.livejournal.com]

download quota? Wow...

[methedras.livejournal.com]

Thus the beauty of the telecommunication industry in Australia.

We have a monopoly here, we like to call it Telstra.

[lordstorm.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. Hellstra.

Cust rings my ISP: "I'd like to get ADSL!"
Me: "Okies, what's your phone number? Okay, your exchange is approved, let me alert my upstream provider, they'll provision you."
Upstream provider: "Hey, we'd like to insert third-party ADSL codes on this number (0x) xxxx xxxx"
Telstra: "Let's see."

<8 to 21 days later...>

Telstra: "Sorry, we've decided not."
Upstream provider: *marks request negative"
Me: "Sorry, it seems we can't get codes provisioned on your line."
Cust: "Why not?!?"
Me: "I don't know, you'll have to ask Telstra, they regulate the ADSL in this country."
Cust: "Hi Telstra, why couldn't I be provisioned for ADSL? Here's my number."
Telstra: "Oh! We've just ran a scan on your exchange, we'll sign you up for our ADSL! Here's a two-year contract, here's a bevvy of fees, early termination, waivers, AUP, a rental agreement for an extremely shitty ADSL modem, extra charges for Tech Support, and we'll sign you up on an 'unlimited' acct (but you can't download more than 3GB!). Sign on the dotted line, in blood please."
Cust: "Er....."

[methedras.livejournal.com]

Haha.

Best. Description. Ever.


I fucking hate that though. The Telstra database I have access to gives a 95% accuracy that a line can be provisioned or not. So you got a pretty darn good chance it's right.

Then Telstra say no. Then do what you've already mentioned. It's a fucking joke. That company needs to go down.

[whisperoutloud.livejournal.com]

we get that often
it never makes sense to me how the customer doesn't realize what's going on. if you're smart enough to know how to use a dialup connection, but do not know that you consciously ordered and are paying for a dsl connection, then what the heck is your deal?
it's crazy stuff i tell ya

[methedras.livejournal.com]

Tell me about it.
The human race is retarded.