What are you DOING!!!

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

Jesus H. Christopher Walken in the trunk of my car eating Cheetos in the nude. The woman to my right is dumber than a cabbage patch. Today's exchange, wanna hear it? Here it go...

Her: My printer won't print.

Me: How many times must I show you this? See that flashing red light? Reeeead the display. It says "Change Cyan Toner".

Her: I did that yesterday!

Me: Then why is this black toner box here?

Her: It said to change Cyan so I did.



Me: I've told you the last THREE times your Cyan ran out, CYAN IS BLUE!!!! Jesus.

Her: Uuh, er, um...*silence* while I thanklessly fix her printer.

Moments later...

Her in IM: I can't do V-Cards for some reason.

Me: (I go over there AGAIN, punch up V-Card help in Outlook. She promptly clicks it off and asks if I will help her.) Why did you click that off? That's everything you need to know about V-Cards. (I am trying very hard to grow a single self-sufficient bone in her hot but useless body.)

Her: No, I know how to DO them. But I can't get in here. (Shared network drive. When she double-clicks, she can't enter, and instructions for verifying her credentials pops up.)

Me: You changed your password a couple of days ago you said. The instructions for what to do are right there on the scr...

Her: *click* And they're gone.

Me: Why did you...

Her: (Tries to hit the share again)

Me: There! Right there, reeeeead THAT. (She does as I walk away. She still can't get in. So I recommend she close everything and REBOOT.)

Her, 10 mins later: Ok, it's all off!

Me: Oooook?

Me, 10 mins later: So, is everything up and running, all good?

Her: Pffft, ah been waitin' on you!

murderdeathkill

Me: I asked you to reboot. So ok, just turn your computer back on and log in. (Meanwhile I am trying to do something else at my desk that is HER job because she is an incompetent twat. Er, twit.)

Her: Now my computer won't even turn ON!

Me: (I walk over to her desk for the 10th time today, and it's only lunchtime, to find her pushing the power button on her monitor over and over.)

Her: See? It won't start up!

Me: Well, your monitor is on. *pause* But your computer isn't.

Her: (She looks under her desk and claims it IS on. I have already looked and it is definitely OFF. She is looking at the pretty red switch...ON THE POWER STRIP! At this point, I feel a stroke coming on.)

Me: I assure you, it is off. Do you have a computer at home by any chance?

Her: Yes. (All attitudinal, making this even worse.)

Me: Well then, please turn on your computer. (So get this: She reaches under her desk and grabs all the cords plugged into the power strip and starts pulling them toward her so she can reach the power strip switch. I swear to god.)

Me: What are you DOING? Ok, listen. You will be the very first person I have EVER worked with that I've had to show how to turn on their own computer. (And *doink* I hit the big blue power button on the front of her tower.)

Her: Oh, well I have a laptop at home.

Me: 0_o I will bet your laptop has a power button on it, too. You know what? I'm...I'm speechless. I just don't know what to say. (And I return to my desk to sit, rocking in my chair, in full view of her, holding my head in both hands.)

Moments later...

Her: (She walks over to my cube, all super-shitty like, and says) Please reset my password and I'll try never to ask for your help again. (And she returns to her desk, pouting.)

Me: Oh, you can ask me for help, that's what I'm here for. But it's not ALL I am here for! (You neeed to be more self-sufficient like all the others who have sat in that chair before you.) <--- I didn't actually say this part aloud, but I surely thought it.

So I reset her password and walk it back over to her desk...and see that she has the wrong format in the username field to log in!! I tell her to delete that, and Oh, here's the password you made me reset for no reason. She logged in, and hasn't said another word to me, and most definitely not a thank you. But this episode has helped me figure out why she always seems so ungrateful for me helping her all the time. It's because she knows that *I* know she is a totally incompetent meathole who is in waaaay over her head. She is fooling some folks, but has no hope in hell of fooling me. And get this. She's an Executive Assistant, making a considerable amount of money more than I am.

Question: Would you show this/tell this tale to her boss if you were me?

Comments

[remix79.livejournal.com]

No. Your boss would probably say "It's your job to help her!". She's probably going to tell the boss anyways. I understand how you feel though. Most people don't want to learn how to use computers, and that ticks me off. Aaaaaaaaaaaah.

[remix79.livejournal.com]

Although, if you framed it right, you could approach the boss about getting her some extra training. Your boss would probably assign that to YOU. GAAAAH! Boss will ask what kind of training she needs, etc, then task you to give it to her. :/ So. Much. Fun.

[brothersterno.livejournal.com]

or just tell her to get out of the way and fix it. Unless you have someone else whose problem you can make it, it's your problem. I suggest killing her with kindness, rather than getting upset at how stupid she is.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

That's the thing. I always kill with kindness. But she is so snotty and ungrateful that my well of kindness is drying up FAST.

[superbus.livejournal.com]

I'd tell anyone that would listen, and a few that wouldn't.

Of course, I've never been known for my... how you say, ability to play with others.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

Oh, I've told plenty! Including all of you! lol But no one that can actually DO anything about her. She's a flat-out FRAUD. Grounds for termination if I ever saw some.

[ianhess.livejournal.com]

No. I would document things in email and send them to her for a paper trail. I would circumvent her for any work that needed to be done.

[bekscilla.livejournal.com]

I like that idea, a few emails along the lines of "Hi, just wanted to re-iterate the training I went through with you" And when there's a few, start cc'ing her manager

[docjeff.livejournal.com]

I hate to do this to you but it just begs for attention:

It's because she knows that *I* know she is a totally incompitent meathole

It's not nice to call someone incompetent when you mess up the LJ cut and misspell incompetent. :-)

[nykeyoung.livejournal.com]

I'm getting a big "TSTL" vibe from her.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

I give up. What's that?

[gotica.livejournal.com]

mmm Hard call, I'd probably ask the boss to get her through some refresher training by an external group. Perhaps outline in a time frame of how many minutes/hours this cost your other projects because of their inability to grasp the more simple points of PC usage.

[snyperwolf.livejournal.com]

All I'm going to say is that this sounds like quite the Freudian slip:

(I am trying very hard to grow a single self-sufficient bone in her hot but useless body.)

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

hahaha! Her computer woes have long since over-ruled her hotness in my eyes.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. I can just see the can of whatever she'd open if she got winod of it all. I've mentioned it to her before and she said to never lift a finger for her without first getting a help desk ticket. That has worked for a while, but today I let it all get away from me.

Thanks for the advice. :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/hub_/]

But obviously you need to call tech support to learn how to do a lj-cut....





run....

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

Hey! Come back!

I didn't get to tell you how right you were!

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Get her boss to sign off on a new policy - any staff member in the building is allowed to contact tech support X number of times a month - where X is somewhere around your average. Anyone contacting tech support after they've used up their calls will get a detailed invoice at the end of the month, and no more techsupport until they've paid for it.

"This policy will prevent frivolous timewasting."

Of course, at the end of the first month, said EA is going to explode when she gets the invoice for several hundred dollars. She may even take it to her boss, who (of course) has been personally handed an example of what the invoices for his policy will look like, twenty-four hours previously.

It may also be worthwhile to have a bit of a friendly chat with said boss over exactly what he will be doing if/when staff complain, how he will deal with people who initiate more than 5/10/20 calls per month, that sort of thing. This lodges the concept more firmly in his mind and means it's less likely to be completely thrown out the window when the EA throws a fit.

In fact, it might be an idea to delay her invoice for a couple of days and let the policy boss deal with some of the other invoiced staff first, just to get comfortable with the process.


Another option is to have a chat with the boss over the scope of your area. This would include fixing broken computers, possibly providing once-off training and documentation (depending on if your company has its own training area or not), etc. What should be discussed in depth is how your area should be dealing with:

1) People who are not reading the instructions they're given, and
2) People who are asking for the same training over and over again.

Emphasise the waste of money and personnel-hours which these issues are causing. Make sure you have prepared figures (and charts!) to back up your claims. Present a couple of options to the boss -

a) Keep wasting time, money, personnel, morale etc repeating the same instructions over and over again;
b) Provide the repeat support but invoice each division monthly for their excess incidents (repeat training or refusing to read instructions)
c) Refer such callers to their management, who must personally send in a request for each out-of-scope work item (either to I.T. or to the policy boss)

Basically, there's a lot of ways to make sure that the EA's incompetence is brought to the boss's attention over and over again, either by costing his area money or by annoying him every time she does something like this.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

Thanks for taking the time writing this out. I wish I could utilize most of it. The fact is, my company would surely throw it all out the window and brand me a whiner. They tend to overlook things when the problem person is a hottie.

[manuka.livejournal.com]

I would absolutely tell her boss. If she is an administrative/executive assistant, a bare necessity for the job has always been to know how to operate standard office equipment (whether it's a typewriter or a stapler or a computer or a #2 pencil). She's clearly lacking a crucial job skill. Either she needs to remedy that (not likely, she doesn't seem to care enough to learn), or find other employment.

The corollary to the not caring enough to learn the skills required for her job is that she doesn't really care about the job itself if she's not willing to take the steps needed to improve her own job skills. Tell the boss to lose the dead weight.

Unless of course she is attractive and has big titties, in which case, that generally trumps anything else, unfortunately.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

Unless of course she is attractive and has big titties, in which case, that generally trumps anything else, unfortunately

Yes, unfortunately, she is exactly that.

[fenrirvallin.livejournal.com]

If you don't care that much, don't teach her. At some point in time it becomes easier to just walk in, fix everything in 5 minutes, and walk away. Frustrating, but less stress overall.

Or, if you are stubborn enough to try to teach her, try different teaching techniques. I like making people take notes. And then when they come back asking how to do something, I make them look it up in their notebook. Some people also can't learn anything unless you make them do it. Stand two feet back. Don't point, don't take over the mouse. Just talk them through it and make them do all the work. Being walked through something like walking an 8 year old through it sometimes gets people to pay attention.

And if worse comes to worse, and you hate your job, and are willing to run the risk of a sexual harassment lawsuit, there's always the hot body angle.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

Now that I've calmed down a bit, I think I'll just stick to solving her computer problems. And when I inevitably run into a repeat request, I'll just ignore that one.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

Yay! Wish I hadn't blown the LJ Cut tag though. lol

[jjjiii]

If this were where I work, you'd get mangled by my supervisor for poor customer service skills, and the endluser would get no penalty whatsoever for their poor technical skills.

This is such basic stuff that it's totally understandable to get upset about, but spitting venom at the clueless luser doesn't solve their problem or make them happy with what you do for them (and we all know you're going to end up doing it for them eventually anyway).

Your relationship and reputation with this person is almost assuredly irreparable by now, which is too bad, though mostly for you; it's quite likely that she'll be able to use her political savvy to make you look like the bad employee while she's completely innocent, and then you'll have even more to hate your job over.

I have found that if I try to understand how someone thinks, I can usually reach them and get them to where they can actually function somewhat self-sufficiently. Admittedly I can't reach everyone, and there's a few people whose personalities are so poisonous to me that it's better that I never interact with them professionally if at all possible. But people as seemingly clueless as this one are usually capable of learning, IF you're able to put up with them and explain things in ways that they will be able to understand. Even if they don't learn, if you at least make them happy they can make your life much better by providing positive feedback to your supervisors and being more pleasant when you're working with them.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

All excellent words. Trouble is, we sit directly across from each other. I am right THERE. To use and abuse any time she wants. And when the President isn't around, she takes full advantage. When he IS around, she doesn't dare display her ineptitude. She is calculating, manipulative, and retarded. I'd rather eat glass than help her do a single thing.

Irreparable, yes. Oh my yes. But...I will try. While I look for work elsewhere. :)

[japester.livejournal.com]

Been there, done that exact same thing.
Ranted about it here too a year or two ago
:)

HR won't replace her, because it will show them up being that it was a mistake to hire her.

Request training for her. Lots of Basic Basic training.
Get some basic things put into the new employment competency tests. Like knowing how to double click.
Get KPIs assigned to her training. When she fails, she gets the boot.

Document how much time and anguish she is causing you. Use that as support for the training argument. Cost of your time vs cost of training.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'll definitely look into that!

[therealdrhyde.livejournal.com]

Yes, I would. But before doing that, I'd keep a log of how much of your time she wastes (and consequently how much that costs, and how many other users are being slowed down because you can't help them at the same time) in a month.

Been there, done that, got the bitch fired.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

I'll be sure to toss in how she gets other people in the office to help her with her duties when I am otherwise occupied. I'm sure the boss would love to know that!

[tysolna]

She sounds like my dad. Only I don't get money when I help him.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you should renegotiate your terms? ;)

[quinn222.livejournal.com]

Set up a ticket system. She has to request your help in writing each and every single time. You fill in the problem and solution. In no time you'll have plenty to show her/your boss.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

That is in place. I need to be more diligent with her and the system, and definitely more specific in the solution write-ups.

[kitschicat.livejournal.com]

First of all, the first line of this post made me laugh so hard I almost choked on my own lung. :D

Secondly, YES YES YES you should absolutely inform a boss (yours or hers) about this, but within the context of your concern over her ability to perform her duties if she is having this much difficulty with as simple a task as turning the computer on. Do it from a "I'm just looking out for the company's best interests" perspective. Does your company have an outside training program, as in, not you doing the training? Perhaps recommend that her manager consider sending her for basic PC/Windows training?

I feel your pain.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and sorry about your lung! :D My company is now in full F.U. swing about expenditures. They just revoked free parking for contractors and all overtime for the folks making the least money. So a training request would probably get me laughed at.

[guinevere33.livejournal.com]

Given your experience with her and the fact that she's really hot, I suspect you're dealing with a Professionally Helpless person. Such people base their identities on being completely dependent on other people to do ANYTHING, and they'll do almost anything to avoid being responsible, just this once, for what happens. (It's easier to pull this off if you're (a) a woman, and (b) attractive, because for some reason a lot of men respond to Damsel In Distress mode.)

Long story short: I'm fairly confident that you trying to teach this woman anything about computers is a waste of time.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

You have summed up this person and the situation perfectly. It's almost funny watching the slack-jawed others in the office run to her rescue when I am busy helping others. But in truth, it pisses me off because to the unknowing eye, I am somehow slacking when I should be helping HER.

Feh.

[phaedra-13.livejournal.com]

You poor, poor soul.

I can't possibly believe this woman is faking this much stupidity. Yes, I've seen hot women feign ignorance at certain things. But a woman who SUPPOSEDLY has enough experience to merit an EXECUTIVE assistant position in any company cannot possibly have faked her way up the ladder. Could she? What kind of pride can she take in that?

(And yes, I speak from experience. I was an executive admin long before I ever went to college to become a geek-on-paper. All of my computer skills were self-taught.)

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

I spoke with someone who had seen her resume. It boasted of profficiency in MS Office and other things. Her Office skills SUCK. Oh she can type up a memo. But if anything more in-depth is needed than that, she is dumbfounded. I've shown her a dozen times how *I* learn Office things. By using the built-in help thing. She refuses to use it. Or perhaps doesn't remember it's there (more likely). She is a woman who is used to having everything done FOR her. So excuse me while I scratch my head as she takes a job set up do everything for someone ELSE. She just doesn't have the ability.

[thebabynancy.livejournal.com]

omg how did I miss this post yesterday... sheesh.

I think that you should not tell the tale... until you get wasted at the Christmas Party. :D

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

If I last that long there, DEAL!!!!!

[adonijah74.livejournal.com]

The sad truth is, she probably even went to college (a factor that many times means nothing in the real world). It'll allow you to make more money because a peice of paper says you're worthy of such fortune, but it doesn't mean you're intelligent OR the right person for the job.

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

She says she went to college, but there are colleges, and there are COLLEGES.

If The Man were sitting right here, right now, I've a serious talk with him. And I'd win.

But tomorrow, I won't have the balls to do so. And that just pisses me OFF.

[lovemonster.livejournal.com]

I would... that's just insane!

[ohmyhead.livejournal.com]

I doubt she even remembers any of it. I seriously think she's a crackhead.