techrecovery | I said I would post a story

Names have been removed for the sake of the poor former co-worker

About two years ago, my division hired a receptionist, who stated on her contract she had knowledge of computers etc, etc, etc.

Well, within the first month, she broke ever friggen rule of the policies and proceedures do not do list, and it became apparent she didn't know what install, download or anything meant tech wise. So, I sent her to the main university for FREE Training. I sent her to a basic Microsoft XP course. (The scary part was she came back and said she learned SOOOO much.... so much for truthfulness on your application... but alas I did not hire her.)

Two months go down the road.... and then we have the month from hell from her. Never in all of my technology support have I ever been so singularly frustrated by a single person.

But it was this final instance that just killed me. (And subsequently she left my office in tears, because, well, I can do that to people. I even went and told my boss that I caused her to cry uncontrollably, and ya know what... she NEVER told anyone what I had said... why? Because she was knew she really screwed up... but that you shall see.)

Oh, by the way, this particular instance happened at 4:00 PM on the DAY before I left for vacation. (of course.

CW: Can you come look at my computer? All these porno sights and all the things just keep popping up on my screen.

Me: (Looking at her suspiciously) What did you download.

CW: I didn't download anything... I clicked on this download link to download a free movie browser so I could see this booklett of an educational sight.

Me: You just said you didn't download anything, but you clicked on the link that said "download", wouldn't that be the same word?

CW: But I didn't download anything. I swear

Me: Okay, let me go look at your computer..

CW: Thanks, I need to leave though.

Me: No, you are not going anywhere, you are staying right here, so I can SHOW YOU what you did.

CW: But, I am supposed to leave now....

Me: And, I am saying you are staying RIGHT here. (Pick up phone, call boss, boss tells her she has to stay)

Me: Lets see...ohhh look at that.. spyware, adware, malicious software, all downloaded ... hmmm TODAY...

CW: But I didn't download anything.

Me: Look, you are already on probation VIA the University, and the only reason you still HAVE access is because I basically explained you were computer illiterate and really didn't know better... This time, however, if they say you loose the computer... you loose the computer.

CW: But I didn't download anything... I swear!

Me: Fine... do you remember the website?

CW: Yes

Me: Show me what you did.

CW goes to website.. which I have been to a million times... she clicks here, and then clicks there, she goes to a place where it says "free movie players". It takes her OUT of that website, and into a new one, she clicks "Download", it brings up a prompt and it ask if she's sure.. I stop her and say, don't click that, and... she looks at me, and STILL clicks it. I reach over and stop it.

CW: See, I didn' download anything

Me: Yes you did, you clicked on download, and download = download

CW: No... I DID NOT DOWNLOAD ANYTHING

Me: Do you not realize that Download = download, and whether you meant to or not, you downloaded a program actually very many NASTY programs?

CW: What don't you understand! (Crying and sobbing) I didn't download anything... its a terrorist attack on the university... I swear... they are trying to attack the university.

(Yes... she really said that)

Me: (Trying not to laugh) CW.... I'm sorry, but Download = Download... I don't know how else to explain it to you, you took the training class... and you will stay here for as long as I am here cleaning this up, you understand this don't you?

CW: But I have somehwere to be...

Me: So do I, but I am out of the office tomorrow and until next week.

CW: But what about my computer?

Me: I will fix it, but you will find yourself restricted severely until I get back..

CW: But it was a terrorist attack on the university I swear.. I didn't download anything.

7pm that evening, I finally rid the computer of over 144 programs (she had gone click, click, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,... oh my gods... she WAS a terrorist... I let her go at 6 becuase she had to be at her other job at 7, I wasn't completely heartless, but I locked her out of anything but the university website, and the university mail. I left a memo for the boss and her supervisor, and apparently she cried the entire time I was gone...

For the next TWO weeks, I heard about the "terrorist attack" on the university and that by not reporting it, I was aiding and abedding the terrorist.. at which point.. I literally called her dumber than a box of rocks, handed her the phone to the overarching helpdesk, who I basically work for, and she got laughed at by them AND they yanked her privileges.

She was fired a month later.

Go figure.