I said I would post a story

[gythiawulfie.livejournal.com]

Names have been removed for the sake of the poor former co-worker

About two years ago, my division hired a receptionist, who stated on her contract she had knowledge of computers etc, etc, etc.

Well, within the first month, she broke ever friggen rule of the policies and proceedures do not do list, and it became apparent she didn't know what install, download or anything meant tech wise. So, I sent her to the main university for FREE Training. I sent her to a basic Microsoft XP course. (The scary part was she came back and said she learned SOOOO much.... so much for truthfulness on your application... but alas I did not hire her.)

Two months go down the road.... and then we have the month from hell from her. Never in all of my technology support have I ever been so singularly frustrated by a single person.



But it was this final instance that just killed me. (And subsequently she left my office in tears, because, well, I can do that to people. I even went and told my boss that I caused her to cry uncontrollably, and ya know what... she NEVER told anyone what I had said... why? Because she was knew she really screwed up... but that you shall see.)

Oh, by the way, this particular instance happened at 4:00 PM on the DAY before I left for vacation. (of course.

CW: Can you come look at my computer? All these porno sights and all the things just keep popping up on my screen.

Me: (Looking at her suspiciously) What did you download.

CW: I didn't download anything... I clicked on this download link to download a free movie browser so I could see this booklett of an educational sight.

Me: You just said you didn't download anything, but you clicked on the link that said "download", wouldn't that be the same word?

CW: But I didn't download anything. I swear

Me: Okay, let me go look at your computer..

CW: Thanks, I need to leave though.

Me: No, you are not going anywhere, you are staying right here, so I can SHOW YOU what you did.

CW: But, I am supposed to leave now....

Me: And, I am saying you are staying RIGHT here. (Pick up phone, call boss, boss tells her she has to stay)

Me: Lets see...ohhh look at that.. spyware, adware, malicious software, all downloaded ... hmmm TODAY...

CW: But I didn't download anything.

Me: Look, you are already on probation VIA the University, and the only reason you still HAVE access is because I basically explained you were computer illiterate and really didn't know better... This time, however, if they say you loose the computer... you loose the computer.

CW: But I didn't download anything... I swear!

Me: Fine... do you remember the website?

CW: Yes

Me: Show me what you did.

CW goes to website.. which I have been to a million times... she clicks here, and then clicks there, she goes to a place where it says "free movie players". It takes her OUT of that website, and into a new one, she clicks "Download", it brings up a prompt and it ask if she's sure.. I stop her and say, don't click that, and... she looks at me, and STILL clicks it. I reach over and stop it.

CW: See, I didn' download anything

Me: Yes you did, you clicked on download, and download = download

CW: No... I DID NOT DOWNLOAD ANYTHING

Me: Do you not realize that Download = download, and whether you meant to or not, you downloaded a program actually very many NASTY programs?

CW: What don't you understand! (Crying and sobbing) I didn't download anything... its a terrorist attack on the university... I swear... they are trying to attack the university.

(Yes... she really said that)

Me: (Trying not to laugh) CW.... I'm sorry, but Download = Download... I don't know how else to explain it to you, you took the training class... and you will stay here for as long as I am here cleaning this up, you understand this don't you?

CW: But I have somehwere to be...

Me: So do I, but I am out of the office tomorrow and until next week.

CW: But what about my computer?

Me: I will fix it, but you will find yourself restricted severely until I get back..

CW: But it was a terrorist attack on the university I swear.. I didn't download anything.

7pm that evening, I finally rid the computer of over 144 programs (she had gone click, click, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,... oh my gods... she WAS a terrorist... I let her go at 6 becuase she had to be at her other job at 7, I wasn't completely heartless, but I locked her out of anything but the university website, and the university mail. I left a memo for the boss and her supervisor, and apparently she cried the entire time I was gone...

For the next TWO weeks, I heard about the "terrorist attack" on the university and that by not reporting it, I was aiding and abedding the terrorist.. at which point.. I literally called her dumber than a box of rocks, handed her the phone to the overarching helpdesk, who I basically work for, and she got laughed at by them AND they yanked her privileges.

She was fired a month later.

Go figure.

Comments

[amplifiedmouse.livejournal.com]

lose*

[pyronoid.livejournal.com]

Icon love

[kauainightdrive.livejournal.com]

QC LOOOVE!

[gholam.livejournal.com]

My god... it took how long, three, four months for her to get fired? Your whole HR department should've gone along with her...

Scary part?

[gythiawulfie.livejournal.com]

She has a degree in... LITERATURE

Re: Scary part?

[pleaseremove.livejournal.com]

What the hell has the world come to? They must just have had a day of free degrees.

Re: Scary part?

[gythiawulfie.livejournal.com]

What was worse? She really knew her literature... and I mean, get her talking about books? And she was phenominal... obscure, non-obscure, she new her stuff, she just couldn't connect it to the tech end.

She was ultimately fired for incompentency and lying on her app.

Re: Scary part?

[pleaseremove.livejournal.com]

one down....oh so many more to go

Re: Scary part?

[lagattamobile.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I can buy that part easily. The two stupidest trolls I know are both lit students. I think that's why they're getting 2d degrees, on some level they might know that if they find themselves out here in the world, there's going to be a lot of scenes like this with tears ending in "You're fired."

Strangely, inability to grasp what words mean (like Download = Download) is a recurring theme with one of these two also.

Anyway, you're my hero for the day.

Re: Scary part?

[c2t2.livejournal.com]

I think it's all the metaphor one learns in lit. You start thinking that nothing means what it means *is happy to be a bio major*

Re: Scary part?

[frenchroast.livejournal.com]

Hey, we're not all that dumb.
...Of course, I did get a double degree, so maybe I'm a little over-qualified to make that argument.

I'm just astounded she could get that far in any degree, let alone one that *should* require a knowledge of how to decipher what words mean.

[usekh.livejournal.com]

Terrorists were attacking a university...with pr0n?

Best excuse ever :)

Ohhh you have NO idea

[gythiawulfie.livejournal.com]

This woman was a serious piece of cake and WAY off her rocker

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

Metaquoted!

[drquuxum.livejournal.com]

I've seen lusers over-react and invent far-out defenses...but holy Shiite! ;-)

[brotherflounder]

My GOD in heaven, how did she last this long without basic English skills?

[dysan27.livejournal.com]

Oh dear god.

Bu... Ho... Sh....., I'm at a lost for words.
But that long to fire her?

Also <jl-cut> is your friend.

oippps

[gythiawulfie.livejournal.com]

Didn't look that long, earlier... sorry

Re: oippps

[dysan27.livejournal.com]

Meh, it's fine, Thanks for fixing it.

The university has strick policies

[gythiawulfie.livejournal.com]

You have to go through this WHOLE process, but at the same time, it would take them close to a year to fire me.

[residentgeek.livejournal.com]

She was fired a month later.

Yes! Finally some sanity. Around here, I can't get anybody fired for that level of stupidity. They've got to do something outrageous or violate some law in order to get fired around here. Even the ones without tenure.

Believe me

[gythiawulfie.livejournal.com]

I feel for you, and then they feel insulted when you recommend additional training.

I got to write the policies and proceedures for our office, and it specifically says "The Tech does NOT TRAIN end users in software applications, the university has a program for that. The TECH at any time can discontinue help if it is evident that the problem is lack of knowledge on the user part."

They hemmed and hawed about it, but the big boss approved it. (Still lack of knowledge is a pain in my ass, I am the only one who can whiz bang a power point apparently)

[jecook]

Bloooody hell.

Yeah, that would have gotton someone fired shortly from my site as well..

One of the users was whining to me that I had "restricted" her internet rights. THis was due to the fact that I had to go out to the site three times in a row to remove spyware off the machine... so I went into the policy editor and make a few tweaks, and yanked her admin privledges. (most of our lusers had local admin rights for their machine.)

Now she's whining that "I can't do research" for stuff. Depending on what sites she's trying to visit, Spybot will block the site. (I installed Spybot this last time around, because I was getting fed up)

So, this morning when I was re-doing the network (we replaced the craptastic linksys VPN router with a "real" VPN router (cisco PIX), and I tidied up the network closet), I looked at her settings. I've concluded that they are fine, and that I need to see the sites she's trying to visit to determine the relevance to the company's "research".

Spybot

[gythiawulfie.livejournal.com]

Spybot is my friend. (I have it running on two other computers.)

Scary part is?

[gythiawulfie.livejournal.com]

It became a joke.... I seriously mean it. Anytime something really wacky goes wrong, I go, "Are you sure we aren't under attack again?". Most of the staff that were there then (We have 2 year grad residents that work for us, alot of change over) gets it and bursts out laughing.. what was worse? I have no door on my office, it is a cubicle and everyone else was in theirs and they heard the WHOLE conversation.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Did you tell her that SHE was the terrorist?

No...

[gythiawulfie.livejournal.com]

But I did explain that at the time my 11 year old child would have understood at that point.

[lm-jillybean.livejournal.com]

A terrorist attack on the university . . . that will be my new excuse for anything

I love it!

[klytus.livejournal.com]

CW: What don't you understand! (Crying and sobbing) I didn't download anything... its a terrorist attack on the university... I swear... they are trying to attack the university.

Thank the Lord she was fired. I've no idea why you you decided to not use her real name. If anything, this mental no-man's-land deserves to be identified so the world-at-large can be kept safe from her.

[methedras.livejournal.com]

You win, best story ever.

[pelennor-fields.livejournal.com]

But... but... but...

*grabs head*

Ow! OW! It's in my brain!

[llemaire.livejournal.com]

This icon is SO for her.

Wow...I am just appaled that anyone that stupid even exists. Cripes.

[firewallender.livejournal.com]

I'm joining this community due to the greatness of your post.

[kauainightdrive.livejournal.com]

We have one of those here. Big Bosses are really nice, and wanna "give her a chance". But...this can only last so long. once they spend more than her yearly salary fixing her mistakes, they'll let her go.

But, what makes us all feel bad is that she is SO nice. honestly. sweeter then sugar.

But, Dumb as a brick.

See Example:

Her: My mom is a paranoid psychizophrenic.
Me: (knowing she has 6 kids) AND YOU HAD KIDS?
Her: Well, Yeah! I wasn't going to let that stop me from getting what I want!
Me: You know thats...hereditary right?
Her: YEP!!!!
Me: *HEADDESK*

[roanoah.livejournal.com]

That woman has no excuse. Sure, if you're not familiar with technology, things are hard to understand, but downloading is downloading--how dumb do you have to be not to understand that? :x

I am both amused and horrified by this post...

[sigurther.livejournal.com]

I have to wonder, as a person with a degree in literature, what her definition of 'download' was. I mean, she very well might have thought it meant physically going someplace, buying a program, coming back to her computer, sliding a CD in and installing it. Some people just don't get computer terms, because it's a completely alien set of words, phrases and instructions that they can't relate to their pre-computer lives.

However, I tend to agree, dumbass extreme.

DOWNLOAD = DOWNLOAD.

Gotta wonder what she does at stop signs.

[lord-fidget.livejournal.com]

Some people just don't get computer terms, because it's a completely alien set of words, phrases and instructions that they can't relate to their pre-computer lives.

Trouble is.. she probably has a computer at home.

God help the tech support who are forced to work on her personal computer.