Take back the power!

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

You know that if the EU gets control of a call, your life becomes hell. But just as there are a thousand ways for a caller to earn a penalty reboot, there are a thousand little ways we can keep the call under tight control, even when the caller is completely deranged.

These range from the tiny methods (waiting two seconds before answering a call, waiting two seconds after picking up before answering) to the everyday (keeping up a volley of questions, filling inviting silences with random announcements, having a range of stock phrases to keep the call on the rails) to the superstructural (having your own policy on what's acceptable and what's not, hanging up when there is obviously no more useful information to be exchanged, knowing when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em).

What if the caller's high, apoplectic, the Boss's Boss, a salesweenie, or just wants to blather on and on? What's the best trick, phrase or policy you've ever used to keep call times short, diagnose and resolve problems ASAP, and pare the call down to the absolute minimum?

Comments

[tmercenary.livejournal.com]

I do internal support for a banking institution. We've had our customer contact reps for our customers get baffled by a salesman, and transfer the call to us. I love these calls, because this person has no relation with us, and if they want to establish one, need to follow proper procedures, not contacting our telephone reps and baffling them with BS about computer security issues that don't exist.

[the-s-guy.livejournal.com]

Yup. I love messing with salesweasels' heads.

"Sorry, we already have an internal software division that creates all the software we need. We don't need a long-distance plan because we don't have any phones. And our printers don't use toner, they use powdered ocelot. Bye."