It'd be nice if they listened. Ever.

[omg-teh-funnay.livejournal.com]

(06:52:07 AM) clueless_friend: hey sweety...
(06:52:52 AM) clueless_friend: where do i go to find out my computer info.. you know how much ram type of computer..i know it is a simple ..go to screen but i forget lol
(06:53:18 AM) me: hehe
(06:53:35 AM) me: Right-click "My Computer" fromt eh Start menu or the Desktop, wherever you see it
(06:53:40 AM) clueless_friend: help
(06:53:41 AM) me: And then click Properties
(06:55:05 AM) clueless_friend: ok but from the desk top... i get themes.... and stuff
(06:55:19 AM) clueless_friend: screen savers
(06:56:24 AM) clueless_friend: from start i get .. the Start menue and Task bar
(06:56:35 AM) me: No, you just clicked on the desktop
(06:56:50 AM) me: OK, on the desktop
(06:56:58 AM) me: Do you ahve an icon that says "My Computer"?
(06:57:35 AM) clueless_friend: ok got My computer... it now lists my dirives
(06:57:44 AM) clueless_friend: and stuff
(06:58:14 AM) clueless_friend: ahh ok got it ((huggss))
(06:58:29 AM) me: there you go

I want to read that error message

[mouser.livejournal.com]

So, I've been trying to get my lusers to read the actual error messages. If they leave me a message, they're to actually READ THE MESSAGE INTO MY VOICE MAIL.

Got out of the shower this morning and found this gem on my cell:

"Hey, mouser. My computer's not starting. It's giving me a message. 'ERROR something blah blah blah file numbers numbers dot tmp. I need this fixed when you get here."





I don't drink because if I start, I won't stop.


Ever.

orly? p455w0rd?

[anivair.livejournal.com]

Salesman: the guy at Verizon is asking for some sort of email "password" (yes, he used air quotes). What is that?

Me: Well, it's the password ... for your email.

salesman: Oh, okay. (walks of)

ten minutes later

Salesman: I can't think of an email "password" that I have.

me: ... It's your password. You only have one. Just give him that.

Salesman: oh. (walks off)

me: Seriously? How much easier can I make this? Every person in this Mother Fuck Company had ONE password. If someone says "blah blah password" you regurgitate those 8 characters. How hard is that?

You even fail at sexism

[pikaporeon.livejournal.com]

Support ticket:
"Help me with my server $servername, I believe its locked in manual fsck, please login and edit settings x, y, z"

My response:
"Your server was found off, and not booting. There is a potential hardware issue. Would you like us to run diagnostics on your server?"

His:
"Nah, I'll call in and get someone more technical to do it.


-phone rings-
"Hey its $customer, can you take a look at whats wrong with my server, don't trust the woman on email to do it for me"
"You mean me?"
"I'm sorry I thought you were..."
"I'll get to your server."


[Clarification: I am male, which is obviously more evident over the phone than email]

Can't make up their minds

[captpackrat.livejournal.com]

While removing a Lexar SD card from its reader, the corner of the card broke off, rending it unusable in my camera. I wrote them on the off chance that maybe it could be a warranty replacement. Here's their reply:

We understand that you have a 4GB SDHC card and the corner has been broken and it is not working in the camera now.

Since the Lexar product is defective we would like to provide you with a replacement as part of the warranty service. 

Please be advised that Lexar reserves the right to cancel replacement if there are any physical damages on the product.

They understand it's physically broken and they'll replace it, except they won't replace it if it's physically broken?  Um, what?

I hope the caller wasnt the IT admin...

[trayce.livejournal.com]

Sales guy asks me if a business DSL customer he's signing up can "choose his IP addresses" with us. I say well no, if he's coming from another ISP his IP(s) will change to ones in our ranges, unless he owns a block himself with APNIC, and that's not all that common for small businesses.
So the sales guy then MSNs me with the IPs the guy wants to "choose", ie bring with him.

On my screen then appears: 192.168.0.254 .... 192.168.1.254 ...

It was all I could do not to laugh very loudly while he was still on the phone with the customer :(