it makes me wish right-click was never invented

[amatyultare.livejournal.com]

Has anyone ever noticed that the people who ask "do I left-click or right-click?" when you tell them to click on something, are generally the worst people to have on the phone? The ones that have heard little bits of information about computers and think that they're experts even though they couldn't tell you the difference between a USB port and an ethernet port (true story from a call I had today, btw).

The people who ask often strike me as saying it almost proudly, as if expecting me to respond, "Golly gee, $user, what an insightful question! I am so impressed with your broad knowledge of computing!" When really, I want to hit them over the heads repeatedly with their own mice, chanting "It's always left-click unless I say right-click. IT'S ALWAYS LEFT-CLICK UNLESS I SAY RIGHT-CLICK. Now shut up and click on Control Panel."

(I had a guy the other day who asked me that EVERY TIME I told him to click on something. The call took 18 minutes; he wasn't able to surf because he has 'work offline' checked in Explorer. Which I determined in about 3 minutes, after verifying his computer was actually connected; the rest of the time was getting him to actually click on 'Work Offline' so that it unchecked--he kept missing it. And the constant 'left-click or right-click?' drove me absolutely batty.)

SET [tinfoil=[max]]

[ptstech.livejournal.com]

Actual convo:

$USER: What is this icon in the system tray, it wasn't there before.
ME: $APP, we did a mass install overnight.
$USER: But my machine was locked!
ME: Yes, I saw that.
$USER: But you CAN'T UNLOCK IT!
ME: wha-bwha?
$USER: HOW DID YOU DO THAT???!!! OMGWTFBBQELEVENTY1
ME: I'm an admin - it's sort of my job and stuff-
$USER: HOW DO I KEEP YOU FROM GETTING ON MY COMPUTER?
ME: Get a job somewhere else, or find me one.  Your choice.
$USER: *click*

The nutters would seem to be in rare form today...

(x-posted to my LJ and TSC)

Oh, we all get this. All of us.

[lolotehe]

Why is it, the moment you have someone on the phone, their ability to read what's in front of them or think for themselves disappears?

CALLER: What do I do now?

ME: What does it say on the screen?

CALLER: It says I should press "OK". Do I press "OK"?

ME: Yes, please.

Between this and "Are those upper or lower case numbers?", I can only wonder how these folks get though the day on their own without causing themselves grievous bodily injury.