(no subject)

[mtupyro.livejournal.com]

We just had our fifth video card fan fail in about 2 week time span. This isn't looking good. The comps are still under warranty so we can get Dell to send out new cards, but if this trend continues we're going to be replacing ~200 video cards. Where are my student employee minions, they have work to do.

Tech Support Drinking Game

[lordchaos.livejournal.com]

I work for a local computer retail company. I've gotten rather sick of hearing the same old stuff over and over. So I decided to make a drinking game out of it. I figure you just make a tally and take it home at the end of the day and make up for it there.

1) Take 1 drink(s) if a customer says that their computer isn't that old.
1a) Take an additional drink if their computer is old than four years. running anything older than Windows ME.
2) Take 1 drink(s) if the customer can't get online.
2a) Take 1 shot(s) if the customer isn't even connected.
3) Take 1 drink(s) if the customer can't get email.
3a) Take 1 shot if the customer isn't even connected.
4) Take 2 shot(s) if the customer didn't backup 'critical data.'
5) Take 2 shot(s) if the customer wants you to walk them through a Windows Reload over the phone.
6) Take 3 shot(s) if the customer blames you for Vista sucking.
7) Take 1 drink(s) if the customer refers to their desktop as their 'home page.'
8) Take 2 drink(s) if the customer responds "I hope so!" to "Can I help you?"
9) Take 1 drink(s) if the customer says "I'm not very computer literate."
10) Take 2 drink(s) if the customer says "I'm not very computer illiterate."
11) Take 1 drink(s) if you find porn on the desktop.
11a) Take 2 drink(s) if there is a pornographic image set as the background.
11b) Take 4 shot(s) if it involves bondage, whips, needles, or coke bottles.
12) Take 1 drink(s) if a customer thinks a computer costing more than $199 is outrageous.
13) Take 4 drink(s) if a customer thinks they can buy a high end gaming machine for under $400 (and it's not an xbox)

Anyone want to add to this?

Edited: 1a and 13.

Repeat after me....

[jynx.livejournal.com]

...YOU DO NOT REMOVE THE 501 USER OR ALTER IT IN ANYWAY!

And now, because this user has done so, we have the lovely job of backing all her data....which we shouldn't be doing anyway because she violated her admin rights contract.

Give me sympathy, before I kill something.

*head desk*

[katballou.livejournal.com]

This conversation took place with a technician not a customer which makes it so much worse.

Him: What do I need to do to get this resolved?
Me: Email random name and cc random department.
Him: Great thank you.

..... 5 minutes later

Him: I looked in the address book and I can't find cc random department.
Me: I'm finding it right here. It's random.department@ourcompany.com
Him: Oh I was looking for CC Random Department

*headdesks repeatedly*

[ladynisa.livejournal.com]

WTF is wrong with people...


It's really quite simple, there's a "Submit by Email" Button. Click button, receive XML Form to email. NOT THAT HARD, esepcially when you're signing up to GET an XML API Solution in the first place. WHY must these fucking people complicate things?!

I think it goes something like this - Submit by email... idk, that doesn't sound right, this being a signup for a website shopping cart and all. I think I'll print the form out, go to lunch, get shitfaced, come back, fill the form out BY HAND now taht i can't even write in a straight line, TAKE A PICTURE OF IT WITH MY CAMERA PHONE, scan it into my system, and send it back as a TIF file. Yeah, that makes sense. MUCH better than clicking that stupid little "Submit by Email" button. Pffft.... submit by email... what's that shit about?! 

(no subject)

[slayne-souls.livejournal.com]

1. If you ask me technical questions please don’t argue with me because you don’t like my answer. If you think you know more about the topic, why ask? And if I’m arguing with you…it’s because I am positive that I am correct, otherwise I’d just say “I don’t know” or give you some tips on where to look it up, I don’t have the time to just argue for the sake of it.
2. Starting a conversation by insulting yourself (i.e. “I’m such an idiot”) will not make me laugh, or feel sorry for you; all it will do is remind me that yes, you are an idiot and that I am going to hate having to talk to you. Trust me; you don’t want to start a call that way.
3. I am ok with you making mistakes, fixing them is my job. I am not ok with you lying to me about a mistake you made. It makes it much harder to resolve and thus makes my job more difficult. Be honest and we can get the problem resolved and continue on with our business.
4. There is no magic “Fix it” button. Everything takes some amount of work to fix, and not everything is worth fixing or even possible to fix. If I say that you just need to re-do a document that you accidentally deleted 2 months ago, please don’t get mad at me. I’m not ignoring your problem, and it’s not that I don’t like you, I just cant always fix everything.
5. Not everything you ask me to do is “urgent”. In fact, by marking things as “urgent” every time, you almost ensure that I treat none of it as a priority.
6. You are not the only one who needs help, and you usually don’t have the most urgent issue. Give me some time to get to your problem, it will get fixed.
7. Emailing me several times about the same issue in the same day is not only unnecessary, it’s highly annoying. Emails will stay until I delete them, I won’t delete them until I’m done with them. I will typically respond as soon as I have a useful update. If it is an urgent issue, let me know (see number 5).
8. Yes, I prefer email over telephone calls. It has nothing to do with being friendly, it’s about efficiency. It is much faster and easier for me to list out a set of questions that I need you to answer than it is for me to call and ask you them one by one. You can find the answers at your leisure and while I’m waiting I can work on other problems.
9. Yes, I seem blunt and rude. It’s not that I mean to, I just don’t have the time to sugar coat things for you. I assume we are both adults and can handle the reality of a problem. If you did something wrong, I will tell you. I don’t care that it was a mistake, because it really makes no difference to me. Don’t take it personal, I just don’t want it to happen again.
10. And finally, yes, I can read your email, I can see what web pages you look at while you are at work, yes, I can access every file on your work computer, and I can tell if you are chatting with people on an instant messenger or chat room (and can also read what you are typing). But no, I don’t do it. It’s unethical, I’m busy, and in all reality you aren’t all that interesting. So unless I am instructed to specifically monitor or investigate your actions, I don’t. There really are much more interesting things on the internet than you.

Words to dread.

[margaretc.livejournal.com]

One minor issue is that the "fields" (corresponding to the columns of the Excel file) are slightly different from what we provided yesterday, so the website will need to be changed slightly to match what is contained here. I imagine this is easy to fix.

Don't know why I bothered - I spent quite a lot of the day today changing the db and the web pages to the fields they'd provided yesterday.

Then, following that, is: The slightly more complicated issue is that each entry (article) is often recorded in multiple rows of the spreadsheet.

Sigh.