Monday Morning Ticket

[davesmith42.livejournal.com]

Ticket 58748, Group Dialup, Priority Normal


Call $NAME at $NUMBER - will not dial up and connect. Needs to be called back as soon as we can. His mother is in ICU and he needs to get on the internet before he goes to the hospital.



I can only wonder at the circumstances that lead to this choice of life priorities. Unless the customer is really anxious to get to WebMD's online symptom checker ("You appear to have seven crushed ribs!") but even that's a stretch.

It must be monday..

[darkrose.livejournal.com]

Dear "Customer",

I realize that I am a BOFH, but calling me names is a sure-fire way to NOT get what you want.

You are using FREE software that was sunset. Three years ago. The new version that took its place ISN'T free. Since you're such an upstanding businesswoman that you have to get your "Dell" from a non-profit organization who "has a huge account with [us]", you would know that if you are using FREE software that has been sunset and isn't supported anymore. But hey, this isn't about what support policy is, it's about what YOU want, right? You feel since you downloaded FREE software 7 years ago, you should be allowed to walk all over us? I think not.

I don't give a damn that Dell helps you. I don't give a damn that "Windows help" helps you. I don't give a damn if the software works on your POS computer or not. I don't give a damn that you're learning how to design web pages. I don't give a damn that you're a businesswoman and do not understand how the software lifecycle/industry works. All I do care is that you resort to name calling when we take away your FREE software. I like to eat. The days of free software and free support are over. I'm sure, as the upstanding businesswoman you are, you can understand that FREE software+FREE support on a 800 number=Company out of business, and then where will you get the same amount of nothing as you're getting now.

And you have the audacity to say "You shouldn't treat your customers this way. I want help with your software!". Well lady, YOU AREN'T OUR CUSTOMER! Customers are people who PAY. You didn't. So fuck off.

Also, DON'T FUCKING CALL SALES FOR SUPPORT ISSUES, MORON!

If you call back like you have twice now, you're going to get the same amount of "no" you got now.

Buy the $40 software you fucking idiot.

/I'm so glad the phone monkeys are now out of their meeting.

(L)users say the darnest things...

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

MB:  Let me know when the scan has completed.
Luser: It's at 17%. How far does it go?
MB: ???

quick fix

[byh.livejournal.com]

I get a phone call from one of our branches. They say they accidently turned off their server and now they can't turn it back on. Pushing power button produces no effect, computer is silent, vents do not start, lights remain off. Changing power cord and UPS outlet does not help and power is ok.

So I tell everyone it's Friday evening and we have hardware failure in remote location. Very remote location. And there is quite a chance it's the motherboard which needs to be replaced. Which means we do not have compatible ones in stock and bringing a different one would require a some effort making operating system like it enough to run on it. To cut it short - anyone willing to spend their weekend coming to the middle of nowhere with a backpack full of computer spare parts and trying to fix everything there? Everyone in the room looks unhappy.

One tech comes in. He asks what's new. Then he calls the branch, speaks for a couple of minutes and their server pops up online and running.

Me: HOW?!

Tech: Oh, I knew it would happen. I was there some time ago. They had problem with the power button on their server, it was a bit loose. I thought about possible quick fix so I just disconnected the power button and connected the reset button instead. Swapped 'em, right? Worked perfectly and they never need the reset anyway. I am sure I warned someone about it.
...
Tech: Hey, stop looking at me like that!