(no subject)

[inahandbasket]

dear annoying user...
No, Dell does NOT take 3 weeks to replace a part, we pay them for next day service for a reason.
No, you do NOT need a new machine as a result. It's a simple hardware replacement, and will NOT take 3 weeks, for the tenth time.
-inahandbasket

dear Dell technician...
I'd appreciate you not sending me an e-mail regarding an urgent issue requesting the service tag of the laptop in question, WITH THE SERVICE TAG of said laptop IN THE BODY OF THE EMAIL!
You are the reason that techies as a stereotype are scorned, second-class citizens, and the subjects of ridicule.
-inahandbasket

End users..

[darkrose.livejournal.com]

Hint: Rephrasing the question to ask the exact same thing in different words won't change the answer. Just because you don't like my answer doesn't mean it's going to change.

So no, we don't support Chinese characters since we're a US company publishing US/English software. We support the latin character set and unless you want to pay use $20,000 to develop a chinese version of our software, you're SOL buddy.

Do you really think...?

[gilmoure.livejournal.com]

I hate customers that won't take my advice/directions. Case in point: Voicemail system is not supported by Computer Tech Support. Gee, it does use electricity and it does transmit/store information but no, we do not support it. We have no access to it.

Hated waste of skin Customer: "I can't save any voice mails. It says it saves but doesn't save anything."

Desktop/head trauma victim Hell Desk Prisoner: You will have to contact Voicemail support. Here is their number.

Customer: "It won't save my voice mails. Why won't it save?"

Prisoner: I'm sorry sir, Computer Tech Support does not support the voicemail system. Please contact voicemail support.

Customer: "It won't save my messages. Can you remote in?"

Prisoner: /remotes in to system, listens to hold music while customer does VM stuff.

Customer: /customer opens web browser to view saved VM: "See, my computer doesn't show any saved messages."

Prisoner: Yes, there are no saved voice mails. Please contact Voicemail Support. Here's their number.

Customer: "So, you really think I need to call voicemail support?"

Prisoner: /works on pounding hole through desk with forehead: "Multiple sounds of skull impacts means YES!

(no subject)

[inahandbasket]

As a follow up to the bit where he asked for my service tag which was in the same e-mail...

I replied with "It's right there, but here I'll copy/paste it for you."

He replied with "I would like to share with you that you do not specify any issue in your previous mail. So I request you to please provide a description of the exact problem and any troubleshooting that you may have done, including the exact syntax of any error messages, so that we can determine what the exact problem is."

No, of course I didn't specify any issue, BECAUSE IT'S IN THE ORIGINAL DAMNED TICKET, ALONG WITH THE FRIGGIN SERVICE TAG, AND BEING APPENDED TO EVERY E-MAIL YOU SEND ME!

can I go home yet?

My favourite luser story from about a year ago

[superbus.livejournal.com]

At my last job - my first one coming out of school - I had a salesperson that I was dealing with, and he had a problem with Outlook. I ended up (surprise!) uninstalling and reinstalling Outlook, after taking his PST file out.

I spent some time explaining to him exactly what happened, what I did, and why I did it. He looked at me thoughtfully, even running his hand along his chin a couple times; he seemed engrossed in my explanation of his problem and my fix (I typically describe things in detail to lusers, despite warnings not to; depending on the person, I'd rather educate than talk down to someone. Call it naivety), so I explained in great detail; I felt like I was teaching him something.

After I was done, he nodded, then asked me one question:

"Are you Canadian?"

Every word I'd said went in one ear out the other; he preferred to concentrate more on my accent than what was actually coming out of my mouth.

From that point on, I shunted that person into my "dumb lusers" group (meaning, fix the problem and get out of dodge ASAP, usually a group I reserve for those that think they know everything because their kids showed them, or people that think they're going to bully a tech with some job title they have).

(no subject)

[phrogg.livejournal.com]

inahandbasket's ordeal reminded me of an issue i wrapped up myself not too long ago.

The sysadmin team manages the addition of computers to the network in my organization, but due to the size and various sites we work at, they delegate the actual work to the on-site techs - in this case, me.

I add the machine to the domain, they put it in a local-only subnet so i can get to the software i need to prep it for use (on a network share). After that, they run a scan to make sure there's no bad software/vulnerabilities, then move it to the full-access net...sounds pretty simple, right? Riiiiiight. Here's a typical exchange with these people:

( Read it and weep....for me. )

I swear, if i ran this place, there would have to be certain minimum criteria for employment...like competence, for one.