Observation

[patgund.livejournal.com]

An infinite number of monkeys, using an infinite number of compliers, will eventually code a GroupWise client.

And it would more than likely be more stable than the Novell version too.

don't quit your day job, buddy

[ebtb.livejournal.com]

I <3 the whackos!  The entire email 3 pages, but here are the more amusing highlights...

• Dear Sir/Madam/Mr./Mrs./Ms./Miss/Fuzzy-faced teenage computer guru/or whoever might be concerned with my problem...
• My PC just tells me it is a bad boy and recommends that I execute it post-haste by ordering my anti-spyware minions to remove the sucker...
• I don't want this Frankenstein to keep growing back until it does some real damage to my computer...
• ...makes me wonder about my little Secret Service or CIA/FBI buddy in the computer, and what he will find tonight that perhaps is running a-muck in the recesses of my hard drive, motherboard, processor, and RAM memory chips.
• ...and cause me to lose all my files and then consider murdering my computer and the little gremlins inside, or maybe casting myself in front of a speeding train if I get audited by the IRS.
• So I consider myself a tongue-in-cheek wanna-be comedian, but seriously I would appreciate any help your own "Geek Squad" could give me in determining what to do about the unwanted Trojan horse...
• I will be out of town until the end of next week (now don't post that info on Burglars-R-US, because my son is still here, and the house is protected not only by a burglar alarm but also by Smith & Wesson, Glock, Colt, and several other of my little friends, who will say hello to anyone who breaches the perimeter of the compound!!! I wish computer security were as easy as the click click of a good pump action riot shotgun!
• If you think I could  make it as a free-lance contributer for a humor column in your company newsletter have your people get in touch with my people and we will discuss the terms of the contract!

Oh Please God ..

[lihan161051.livejournal.com]

.. JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION I ASKED. Don't go off on a tangent and answer a very much more general question that tells me nothing about what actually happened. I *KNOW* it "doesn't work", what I need to know is what it *IS* doing.

And that applies to *ALL* the questions I ask. I don't care if you did it two years ago and it "didn't work then either", and I care even less whether you think I'm a competent tech for asking you to do it again, or want to find out in detail what happened when you did it. Just trust that I understand enough of the internals of the system to be able to figure out how to fix it if you will just stop substituting meaningless gibberish for answers to questions I composed with extreme care to find out a very specific fact or two that will help me FIX YOUR PROBLEM.

*headdesk*

Ok, I'm better now ..

jebus.

[azzy23.livejournal.com]

user: This says I have to install patch 5 in order to run the new version.
me: Ok, here's patch 5.
user: Okay, I have the file. It's still failing.
me: Did you install it?
user: No, but I have it.
me: You have to install it.
user: Why?
me: Because it's not compatable unless you're running at least patch 5.
user: But why do I have to install it on *every* machine??
me: because it has to be installed to be compatable.
user: That just doesn't make any sense!




Along those same lines, I'm just going to wave that packet of birth control pills around in front of my abdomen, and hope it works.

Pinecone.

Introducing the book

[japester.livejournal.com]

introducing the book


thank fully, we don't have to explain how to read to most of our users.
oh.
wait, forget I said that. Most of mine don't know how to either.